Need advice

I'm having a moment of uncertainty here . . .

An online friend of mine asked if he can call me. He knows I'm going thru' a divorce and we've been friends a while but he never asked this before. I'm not sure how I feel about this. If it was an online woman friend I wouldn't think twice.

Does it make a difference if it's a guy friend?

If you feel weird about it, but are friends with the guy, I would get HIS number and tell him you'll call him. That way you can get a read on him over the phone and if you're creeped out, he doesn't have your number. Remember to hit #67 before you dial so your number won't show up on the caller id.

Because only you know about this man and on the Internet, things can get a little deceiving. If you feel comfortable with him then what I would do is go to a small place near your home, if there is one, and get the number off the pay phone. Give him that number and arrange for a time and day for him to call you there, and see how that goes.

Just call me cautious, but having been stalked in my past, I would find it hard to trust this man until I got a feel for how he was on the phone. Once you give him your number and it turns sour your goose is cooked and he could start calling you all hours or the day and night. On the other hand, he may just be a nice guy and not a predator at all. Like I said, tough call, no pun intended.

I would just be open with him on-line and say that you feel a little uncomfortable with him asking due to his timing and all and ask him what his intentions are. If he's really your friend I don't think he would mind you asking. Any woman is going to have her reservations about something like that no matter how long the cyber-friendship has lasted and I would think that an "understanding" man would understand.

Also, there is so much information you can find out once you know a persons phone number.

I like AP's suggestion - get his phone number and block your number when you call or even call him from a pay phone. This gives you the upper hand. If he has less than honorable intentions with your phone number, he may not be willing to give you his. If he's a nice guy who just wants to move your friendship on to a more real life level he won't have a problem giving you his personal information. I also agree with Sabra - be honest with him. If his intentions are honest he won't pressure you for your number and will do whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable.

My aunt has many male on-line friends who she has called. Definately get his number and after a few calls if you are okay with your conversations then you can give him your number. My Aunt met some wonderful men who were very supportive of her after her husband died.

There are some great people on the internet - take this site for example! One of the people who stood up for my hubby at our wedding he met on the internet. He has also been cyber-stalked by some real psycho women. He has always been really into the IRC chat rooms and has met some real wierdos, but also made some good friends. The biggest problem with the Net is that you really don't know who you are talking to. Best bet is to air on the side of caution until you feel comfortable.

I would say, along with everyone else, to get his phone # and call him whenever you feel comfortable. I don't trust people these days and you never know...he could really be someone other than who he says he is. If his intentions are good and only friendly, then there should be no problem. Let us know how things go.

You have to go with your gut feelings on this one. Getting his number instead of giving out yours is a safe idea. Personally, if I had become good friends with this person, and wanted to pursue a more "real" friendship, I would give him my number. But with his number, the ball is in your court, and if you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to worry about him calling you!

this is what I finally sent to Randy. BTW, he's a fireman, which explains the engine house reference. What do you guys think?

Hey!

Sorry, it's been a hectic day around here. I have an
interview Thursday at a temp agency and I've been
scrambling for references.

Plus, I had to think about having a phone chat for a
moment. Please don't take that personally! But you
hear horror stories about women and people they meet
online all the time, so it made me think twice about
giving out my number. Now I'm probably being paranoid,
but, before I give you my phone number, I think I'd
like to know your last name and either which engine
house you work for or your home address. I won't call
them or drive by or any weird Fatal Attraction thing
like that. I have no reason to distrust you, it's
just me being super cautious.

Is that okay? I hope I haven't completely alienated
you! I've enjoyed the e-mail after all . . .

Maybe it's because I'm leery of people and tend to think the worst about their intentions but I would do what Airprincess suggested and get his number if possible.

He may very well be a wonderful guy and genuinely wants to get to you know a little better but there's also the possibility he may be the opposite.

My mom had been exchanging e-mails with this one guy for a long time and then started talking to him on the phone. For whatever her reasons were she went to meet him since he lived nearby. It was fine until he started to threaten her about telling her husband that they slept together(she says she didn't) and started leaving nasty messages on her answering machine.

But they're not all like this and hopefully this guy isn't either. You're a smart woman and whatever you choose to do I'm sure will be the right choice so just think about it throughly.

Let us know what you decide.

I'm thinking that if I have his name and address, I can get his phone number . . .

I'm not quite ready to be the caller here, either. I'm still a little needy and frankly, after all that time of trying to get my husband's attention when he wouldn't give it, it's nice if someone reaches out to me first. I know it's a battered ego thing, but there you go.

Well, it's been almost all day and I still haven't heard anything.

Either I really offended him, which I would feel sorry about, or he's a jerk, which I would feel relieved about.

So we'll see if he sends anything else by the weekend.