Funny classifieds

hissy

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Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
vagetables, salads, quiche.

7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges,
the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and
Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim
in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .

This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
and Gardens.

For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.


Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.
 

badhabit

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So just how is the poodle like one of the family?
 

adymarie

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Thanks so much - some of those really made me smile. I am having a rotten week and that definately helped!
 
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  • #6

hissy

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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
--------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL, 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG
-----------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
-----------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
-----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
-----------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
-----------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L,
AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300. HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
-----------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING: "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
----------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER. "IF IT'S IN STOCK,
WE HAVE IT!"
---------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
----------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES-CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7-$9 PER HOUR.
-------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS ' BOX SPRINGS $175.
--------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER ' DRYER $300.
------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
------------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE-BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON. FREE COFFEE ' DONUTS
------------------------------------
(AND THE BEST ONE)
FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got
married last weekend.
 

jeanie g.

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Must you people always make my stomach hurt? Even my cat looks sideways at me laughing at a computer screen! I e-mailed it, as usual.
 
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