Need Mother-In-Law Advice!!...Long Story!

Very sticky situation indeed. The only thing I could say is that she needs to have a good talk with her BF and explain to him that she just isn't comfortable with his mother being over all the time. Then he needs to have a chat with his mother. It's really the only solution I see. If she tries to talk to his mother herself his mom will probably only see it as "this girl is trying to come inbetween me and my son".

If the BF doesn't see it as a problem though and he won't talk to her than I'm afraid she's stuck with the visits

Yikes. That is some situation to be in. I could have seen that happening in the beginning, but gee, since July!!

I don't really know what advice to offer, but I really feel for your friend. No matter how she goes about it - her bf is going to feel like she's asking him to choose between her and his mom. I can't believe the MIL doesn't see how much she's intruding.

btw... I have the worlds best MIL

It sounds like the MIL is lonely, maybe you could find come groups, book clubs etc in the area to introduce the MIL too. Your friend could go with her a few times until she meets some new people. She probably wants to tread carefully talking to BF about it, if he's only child of a single parent there is usually some protective instincts there you want to be careful with.

Thanks you guys. I will defintely pass the advice along!

I can't believe the MIL doesn't see how much she's intruding.

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This is just my honest opinion but I think she just doesn't really care, she just wants to be over there all the time and doesn't really care how my friend feels about it.

btw... I have the worlds best MIL

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You are one lucky woman!

She probably wants to tread carefully talking to BF about it, if he's only child of a single parent there is usually some protective instincts there you want to be careful with.

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For sure. I was telling her the same thing. She defintely has to be careful!

I'm guessing he is an only child??? I think if she feels really secure in her relationship with her BF she should have MIL come over for a talk. I agree that she sounds like she is lonely but if the your friend and her BF aren't having any feel time together that probably isn't helping their relationship either. Does she have a key and lets herself in?? Change the locks. If she knocks they don't have to answer the door. If someone was at my house late on a Sun night knowing I have to go to work I would get their coat or tell them politely they have to leave. Do they every go to MIL's place?? The longer this continues the harder it is going to stop.

Gosh, this is a touchy subject.... I understand how your friend's MIL is lonely, but then, she is a grown woman and should be able to find herself company especially when they are already escaping from her....!I'll keep my fingers crossed! let's hope the 3 of them can sort it out!

I would suggest looking up "Dear Prudence" on Slate online magazine. She has numerous letters of this type and gives superb advice.

Prudie would probably say that she needs to sit down with her bf and *gently* explain how she is feeling. At that point, they should lay out some ground rules about how they deal with the MIL when she comes over. Then instead of letting her come to the house, go to her house and visit. Break the pattern of her showing up every weekend. Additionally, be firm when she invites herself along, as in the instance with the dinner. I think a little white lie might not be too hurtful. As in "Sorry, we only have reservations for two." Or even being more blunt, as in, what *might* happen after that she might not want to be a party to....

But anyway, yikes! Good luck to your friend.

It sounds to me that MIL is either very lonely or very unhappy at home. You didn't mention if there is a FIL in the picture, but if there is I would be very concerned about their relationship.

Yeah, I was gonne ask if there was a FIL...

If they aren't married, she isn't technically the MIL. Because they aren't married, she should not be intruding. It sounds like the boyfriend is a mama's boy and mama cannot cut those apron strings. Is the boyfriend's mama still married? If so where is the husband during all these visits?

The key needs to be taken away, get caller ID for the phone, cut off the boyfriend's mother gradually. Tell her that if she continues this type of behavior, she won't be invited to the wedding. Also tell your girlfriend to take a good look at the relationship? At how the boyfriend doesn't stand up to his mom, and ask her if that is the type of person she wishes to spend her life with?

My ex-mother in law did this after Don and I were married. He had given her the key and she was a full-blown alcoholic- and well, I could tell you stories. But one afternoon, she went to far, and he threw her out of the house, confiscated her key and we went on from there.

Hissy has given you fantastic advice. I could also give many stories. The key here is that if your friend values the relationship, she needs to stay out of it. Her boyfriend needs to deal with his mother himself and make the decisions. If he sides with his mother, then she needs to reevaluate the relationship. I made sure I tread very carefully and let my husband make the decisions regarding his family. He ultimately decided that I came first, not his family, but I let him come to that decision on his own and did not push it. I never wanted him to wonder later if I was the person that came between him and his family. Because I stayed out of it, his family dug their own hole without any input from me.

Is the boyfriend's mama still married? If so where is the husband during all these visits?

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She was never married to the bf's father. She's been a single parent from the beginning. If she was married I don't think they'd be having this problem.

It sounds like the boyfriend is a mama's boy and mama cannot cut those apron strings.

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It's kinda like that but it's not. My friend has told me that the MIL will show up and her bf acts like she's not there half the time. Goes about his business like his mom is not around and his mom will sit on the couch watch t.v. or read a magazine. It's almost like she lives there, and is just hanging around the house, it's really starting to bother her (and I don't blame her).

And Hissy to tell you the truth I think the bf's mother is on her way to becoming an alcoholic. Almost everytime she comes over she has to bring beer with her, if she doesn't she drinks whatever they have in the house. And if they don't happen to have any or not a whole lot, she'll cut her visit short and leave. Now don't get me wrong there are times when the MIL will visit and not drink or leave b/c they don't have anything to drink, but those are few and far between.

I made sure I tread very carefully and let my husband make the decisions regarding his family.

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That's what my friend wants too do but she's starting to think that by the time her bf realizes how this is starting to effect her it'll be too late.