I'm so glad I'm on meds

I just got off the phone with my almost-ex sis-in-law. She called to ask me about computers (like I'm an expert ) and then we were chatting a bit. She was kind of speaking in a mildly fed up way about my almost-ex (I should have wised up when I noticed that none of the other women in his family thought very much of him), saying that she would have called him about the computer but she asked him not to call her (!) and she didn't feel like it was reasonable to call him after that. She added that she didn't want to talk to his "roommate" either because she was sure she would let something slip and made some comment about "that woman he's MARRYING"!!!!!

What a sh*t. What a b*st*rd. There is actually no swear word strong enough for what I think of him. Divorce is final in May, he's getting married in July.

The worst thing is, I know all about him. I know what he's going to end up doing to her. And on some weird level, sisterhood is stronger than love or hate, and I wish I could warn her. She must protect herself and her child! He is not reliable or trustworthy and he tends to petty larceny (bad checks, etc.) and he will get her to help him out then end up wrecking her life. And there is nothing I can do or say that will have any effect on her, because it will continue to look like sour grapes. I wonder if I should even try? Probably not worth it.

It won't do any good Allison. Right now in the "here and now" she loves him and anything you say to her will fall on deaf ears. My ex-husband was married 6 months after our divorce was final. They were only married a little over a year before they split. She told me later they split up because he was still in love with me. That is laughable.

Hang in there, keep your counsel to yourself. Apparently, she is going to have to learn the hard way about his true character. Hugs to you as you deal with this latest boulder in your path.

Sunlion
I'm sorry you have to go through all this, and I really wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. The most important thing is that you need to continue taking good care of yourself and your daughter. We are here for you.

Too bad that your story is such a common one. I've seen it happen to a friend as well.

The sooner the divorce is final, the sooner you can try to move on with your life. Maybe this new knowledge of his actions will help you move on even faster!

BTW, I do hope that you ended up getting some good legal council to sort the divorce out.

I hope that you and your daughter are doing well!

Don't even waste your breath sunlion. It will surely fall upon deaf ears.

I have to say, when David and I got together 8 years ago, his "ex fiance" and I spoke on the phone on several occasions and she filled my ears w/ a lot of "stories". Some were true and some were not. But I have to say, 8 years later I am sure glad I didn't listen to her. My husband changed and matured as we grew "together" and had a family. And in the end, he is a wonderful husband and father.

She probably would think you are just trying to cause trouble if you try to tell her how he was with you.

Just move on, live life to its fullest, spend all the precious time you can with your daughter, and forget about him.

That is just awful! If that woman that he is with can't see just from the situation what he is, then she deserves him. She certainly wouldn't listen to any honest advice from you. She's obviously too blind to see what is going on.

Hang in there and keep your chin up. After May you will be done with this and you can move on. If nothing else, he is really showing you how much better you are without him!

Just thinking about you and your daughter today and hoping that all is well for you. Have a good day okay?

Bad day so far, I'm afraid.

Woke up at 8:15, she was supposed to be at school before 8:10.

Came home to find many phone calls from himself from out of town. He knows (because I told him) that if it wasn't for our daughter, I wouldn't have any contact with him after the divorce. So he added to the decree that neither one of us will move out of state without consulting the other, because of how if affects his visitation with Lauren. He said that if I don't sign it, he will initiate a custody fight. I feel like, if I do sign it, it will be under duress and will void the whole document. I am not able to find work here, and if he restricts the places I can look, I'm just SOL.

At least I was able to figure out what the problem with my computer was. And Sparky likes the new cat box.

It is times like these that render me speechless. I am not a lawyer and do not know how to advise you. But is there someplace that you can go for free legal advice near you?

Allison,

I would really get some independent legal advice about this. My mom was worried about the same thing and you know what she did? She moved to another state with me before the divorce was final. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do but she did it because she was afraid she would have to stay in Texas if the divorce was finalized there. Granted it gave her the benefit, but it made things much more bitter and made my dad want to fight for custody of me. Again I am not telling you to do this, just telling you what happened with me.

Please find someone that can give you good legal advice about this before you sign anything. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the two of you can find another way about this.

My uncle is a family lawyer, and he has been advising me. I never would have asked him for help, because it's how he makes a living and I can't really pay for it, but he is reading everything for me and he is biased in my favor. Unless Jim gets a lawyer, I don't see any reason to do that myself.

Besides, my daughter does have a right to see her father - I am very angry at him but he isn't incarcerated or a child molester or a drug user or something that would be detrimental for her to see him. I just want to get as far away from him as I can, and he wants her near enough to continue visitation. Both are understandable, even reasonable, but it seems like one being true means the other is not. If I could figure out a way . . . I might start using a drop-in day care for him to pick her up. That way I don't actually have to deal with him.

sunlion, I'm glad to see in your last post that you realize his request is not unreasonable, and that you realize he is still your daughter's daddy, and she has a right to learn for herself what he's like (and he may well be an outstanding father despite the fact that he was a lousy husband!). In today's world, that is a common condition of divorce decrees. It does stifle you, but it also does help to assure she and her father will always have a relationship. And it sounds like you may have already worked out at least a basis for a solution: neutral ground. However, as distasteful as this sounds, it may be time, already, to buck up and try to get along with him, because as long as your daughter is still a minor you will have no choice but to deal with him - frequently. And, it would be much better for you daughter if, when she saw y'all together, y'all were civil and cordial, instead of trying to avoid each other.

But then, I have a feeling you already know that. One thing that's been very evident in your posts is that you have remained very level-headed throughout this whole trauma.

{{{{{sunlion}}}}}

Chin up!