You all have probably heard a lot of these, but they always make me smile.......
EVER WONDER
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
> our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their
> mouth closed?
>
> Why don't you ever seen the headline
> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have
> to click on "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
> and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money
> called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting,
> who tests it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
>
> You know that indestructible black box that
> is used on airplanes? Why don't they make
> the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they
> are all stuck together?
>
> If "con" is the opposite of "pro", is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> the terminal?
> =================================
> In case you needed further proof that the human
> race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
> actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
> (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>
> On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner!
> No purchase necessary.Details inside.
> (the shoplifter special)?
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
> (and that would be how???....)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost."
> (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
> "Do not turn upside down."
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
> "Product will be hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
> or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
> accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and...I'm taking this because???....)
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
> other use."
> (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
> I'm a bit curious.)
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> (talk about a news flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
> (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you to fly."
> (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
The End
EVER WONDER
>
> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
> our skin?
>
> Why women can't put on mascara with their
> mouth closed?
>
> Why don't you ever seen the headline
> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have
> to click on "Start"?
>
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
> and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
>
> Why is the man who invests all your money
> called a broker?
>
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> called rush hour?
>
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
> When dog food is new and improved tasting,
> who tests it?
>
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
>
> You know that indestructible black box that
> is used on airplanes? Why don't they make
> the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
> Why are they called apartments when they
> are all stuck together?
>
> If "con" is the opposite of "pro", is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> the terminal?
> =================================
> In case you needed further proof that the human
> race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
> actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
> (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>
> On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner!
> No purchase necessary.Details inside.
> (the shoplifter special)?
>
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
> (and that would be how???....)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost."
> (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
> "Do not turn upside down."
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
> "Product will be hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
>
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
> or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
> accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and...I'm taking this because???....)
> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
> other use."
> (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
> I'm a bit curious.)
>
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> (talk about a news flash)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
> (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you to fly."
> (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
The End
