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Ever Wonder.........

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
You all have probably heard a lot of these, but they always make me smile.......

> Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens
> our skin?
> Why women can't put on mascara with their
> mouth closed?
> Why don't you ever seen the headline
> "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
> Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
> Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have
> to click on "Start"?
> Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
> and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
> Why is the man who invests all your money
> called a broker?
> Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> called rush hour?
> Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
> When dog food is new and improved tasting,
> who tests it?
> Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
> Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> injections?
> You know that indestructible black box that
> is used on airplanes? Why don't they make
> the whole plane out of that stuff?
> Why are they called apartments when they
> are all stuck together?
> If "con" is the opposite of "pro", is Congress the
> opposite of progress?
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> the terminal?
> =================================
> In case you needed further proof that the human
> race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
> actual label instructions on consumer goods.
> On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
> (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
> On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner!
> No purchase necessary.Details inside.
> (the shoplifter special)?
> On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
> (and that would be how???....)
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
> Defrost."
> (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
> "Do not turn upside down."
> (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
> On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
> "Product will be hot after heating."
> (...and you thought????...)
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
> on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
> On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
> or operate machinery after taking this medication."
> (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
> accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
> head-colds off those forklifts.)
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (and...I'm taking this because???....)

> On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
> other use."
> (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
> I'm a bit curious.)
> On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> (talk about a news flash)
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
> "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
> (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
> On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
> garment does not enable you to fly."
> (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

The End
post #2 of 9
LOL Those are so funny!!

I've never really thought about it but I always have my mouth open when I am putting on mascara.
post #3 of 9
Those are classic.

It is truly amazing what they have to put on packages any more. Did you hear about this one? A guy tried to trim his hedges with his lawnmower (hello...isn't that what hedgetrimmers are for??) and got injured when the branches kicked back at him (duh!). He sued the company and won because it didn't say in the instructions NOT to trim your hedges with the lawnmower. Amazing how the dumber you are, the more money you can get if you sue!
post #4 of 9
Did you hear about the 8 year old who drove a stolen car to school? He said his uncle had been giving him lessons in the car and he didn't know the car was stolen. He was suspended from school and the really scary part is he drove a mile and a half and could barely see over the dashboard. He is very lucky no one was hurt.
post #5 of 9
Does the owner's manual expressly say that children should not operate it? I can just see someone sueing the car maker for not child-proofing the car! LOL
post #6 of 9
LOL Just like the woman who sued McDonalds because she spilled her coffee on herself and the cup didn't have a caution on it. I think she won too.
post #7 of 9
Funny I've heard some of them before, but they still make me laugh!
post #8 of 9
Those things are written for the people, who need signs, a la Bill Engvall.
post #9 of 9
BadHabit, you are correct. She won 2.9 million because SHE spilled coffee in her lap. Another woman won several million from Ruger Firearms because her dumb ass husband shot himself with one of their shotguns. He was duck hunting and winged one. It wasn't dead so instead of using the boat paddle to finish it off, he turned his $1200 shotgun around and used it as a club. He hit the side of the boat with the trigger guard and it went off and shot him in the stomach. I don't understand how this was Ruger's fault.
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