TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › A Guy Walks Into A Bar....
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

A Guy Walks Into A Bar....

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre". So the bartender gave her one.

A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender asks, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and some of those peanuts." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, "Does your dog bite?". The lady answers, "Never!" The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The woman replies, "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?" The guy says, "No, I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

A cowboy walks into a bar. Upon leaving, he realizes that someone has painted his horse. The cowboy yells, "Which one of you painted my horse?" A seven foot tall hulk of a man says, menacingly, "I did." The cowboy realizes he is in trouble and replies, "Why, thank you - the first coat's dry!"

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" (This joke never gets old)

A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" The bartender said, "Yes, we do!" "Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, "I just did that." The big guy then beats the little guy up.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"



I'm sorry, this had me in stiches, I had to share it, I hope it makes you laugh or smile as much as it did for me! Have a great day
post #2 of 18
LOVE the last one! Thank you for sharing.....
post #3 of 18
Too funny. But ... ummm ... I dont get the termite one.
post #4 of 18
OMG - that's so funny - I was posting to say I don't don't get the termite one and saw your post .... guess I"m not the only one.
So - what's with the termite?

The rest are great!!
post #5 of 18
LOL! Very, very good! I love the lawyer one. I sent that to my brother....the lawyer.....
post #6 of 18




some of those were hysterical!!!!!!!!

may I add one to the collection?
_______________________________________________
A man walks into a bar with a frog attached to his head.

The bartender says to him "hey, how did that happen"?

The frog shrugs, and says "i dunno, it started with just a bump on my a$$, and now look at it."

post #7 of 18
Hehehe...the skeleton one is my favorite...
post #8 of 18
A man walked into a bar and said 'Ouch.'

.....

post #9 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by evnshawn
Too funny. But ... ummm ... I dont get the termite one.
I didn't get that one either! Wow, no wonder we all get along so well...we are all stupid about the same joke!!!

I didn't like the seal one, but all the rest were hilarious!

Why the long face?
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 
lol, I am glad you guys liked them, so of them are a bit corny, but thats my sense of humor, I will laugh at just about anything!

some of them I don't even get too, so if they are offence, I am sorry, it was not intentional.

Oh ya, and the termite one well, a termite is a wood eating pest right? so he walks up and asks if the bar is tender (meaning the bar must have been made of wood)

My favourite is a pick between the guy with the asphalt or the complimentary peanuts
post #11 of 18
too funny
post #12 of 18
Hee Hee!
post #13 of 18
post #14 of 18
Termite one means "Is the bar tender?" As apposed to it being tough... Bars are made out of wood
post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256
Termite one means "Is the bar tender?" As apposed to it being tough... Bars are made out of wood
Oooooh ... now I get it.

You ever notice when you're feeling especially smart something like that will appear out of the blue to take you down a peg or two?
post #16 of 18
Those were great!!! I'm still chuckling- I like the kangaroo one
post #17 of 18
I thought that was pretty funny.. my favorite was the one about the seeing-eye dog.
post #18 of 18
I really like the last one too!!

Yes I have a corny sense of humor also, those were great!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › A Guy Walks Into A Bar....