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Tommy has gone to find a new home

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
I have finally decided to face the reality that I cannot provide a good home for both Mellie and Tommy. I’ve tried my damnest…there’s nothing more I can do. I’ve failed to successfully integrate Tommy into my cat family. And this situation’s adverse effect on both my life and my cats’ life has gone on for too long.

The background: I adopted Rocket and Mellie first. Tommy came about two months later. I did a standard new cat introduction using the recommended techniques and procedures. Perhaps I went too fast with Mellie, but Rocket was ready. Or perhaps Mellie never would have warmed up to him. I don’t know; it’s all hindsight. In any case, Mellie was antagonistic toward Tommy from the start. At first he was a good little newbie, submitting to her growls, hisses and head slaps. For a while there it looked like it was working out. They even bumped noses and slept on the bed within two feet of each other. Then he started defending himself. And eventually he came full circle and started going after her. I don’t think he’s really aggressive in a behavior problem sort of way. Mellie definitely is partly at fault by antagonizing him and goading him with evil stares. Apparently, I have two dominant-tending cats, neither of which is willing to back down. But now Mellie is getting the worst of it. He outweighs her and is stronger and faster than her. And I’m concerned she’s going to get hurt. She’s had several scratches and one bite on her precious little face. So, she spends much of her day under the bed. And at night, when Tommy is awake, she spends crouched in a corner of the closet next to a litter box. And she slinks around the house looking over her shoulder for her enemy. That’s no kind of life for a cat.

I have tried everything to get these two to coexist. Two behavioral consults. Separation, reintroduction, redirection, diversion. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement. Conditioning. Nothing works for long. We have been in a continuous cycle of improving for a little while and then regressing all the way back to square one. This constant yo-yo is frustrating and aggravating and disappointing. That plus the constant vigilance and the frequent refereeing is no kind of a life for me, either. I can’t spend my life keeping these two cats apart.

So I cannot provide a good home and a good life for Mellie because of Tommy, and I cannot provide a good home and a good life for Tommy because of me -- I’m always mad at him, warning him away from Mellie, splitting them up, or putting him into time-out. Lately he’s spending most of his time in the basement. It’s cold and dark there. That’s no good place for a cat. Tommy really is a nice little cat. I like him. He has a wonderful personality toward people. And I’m afraid I’m going to damage his enthusiasm for life and his attitude toward humans.

So, I’m really sad about this, but Tommy needs a new home and a new life, and he has been surrended to the local Humane Association. Why the Humane Assocation? It’s required in their adoption contract. They are much better set up to find and screen potential adopters than I am. Their current cat population is well below capacity. They told me they only euthanize animals if they’re unadoptable. And Tommy is highly adoptable because of his personality, his appearance, his age, and his good health. I’ve been hoping so much to not have to do this, but I can’t go on putting it off indefinitely. My philosophy is that when I fail at something to learn what I can from it, put it behind, and move on. And that’s what I’m doing. I miss the little guy already, but I hope he’ll be happy. He deserves it. Seeing those eyes looking at me through the holes in the cat carrier was just wrenching. I have to think that it’s for the best…..

post #2 of 30
What a tough decision! It seems to me you did the best you could for him, and you've put him in a situation where he can find a great family who is right for him. Will the Humane Association let you follow up on him, so that you know he ended up in a good family?
post #3 of 30
I'm so sorry to hear about this! In all honesty though its probably for the best... some cats just refuse to get along. I had to stop taking in any additional FeLV+ cats because of my Simon, he just gave heck to anybody who came after him and that was too high stress for my leukemia babies. Of course he's turning out to be one of my long-lifers I'm sure Tommy will find a great home!!
post #4 of 30
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Sandtigress
Will the Humane Association let you follow up on him...
I'll follow up to find out when and if he's adopted, but they're not able to give me any details on who and where.
post #5 of 30
What a heart-wrenching and difficult decision you have had to make. I'm sure Tommy will find a good and loving home and Mellie will have so much less stress. Bless you for trying as hard as you did with them.

post #6 of 30
post #7 of 30
That must have been so hard, but you have done the right thing. You did your best somethings just arnt meant to be. Hugs to you
post #8 of 30
What a difficult decision, but I think Tommy and Mellie will both be happier - which will be better for them (and you). There's a lucky family out there for Tommy.
post #9 of 30
I've always admired Tommy. Sorry to hear that.
post #10 of 30
Oh Tim!! I'm so sorry to hear this! I know you must have had a very hard time making this decision, and I really think you did the best thing for both Tommy AND Mellie! I'm sure Tommy will find a wonderful new home that treats him just as wonderfully as you did!
post #11 of 30
That must have been a hard decision, we thought about it a few times when we got Scully, but he was pretty unadoptable (unless you are me and have a soft spot for the 'rejects' as he was called).

I hope Tommy finds a home as caring as the one you gave him!
post #12 of 30
Tommy is a beautiful cat. What a tough decision. I hope he will have a good home where he won't be stressed.
post #13 of 30
I had to make a similar decision last year...it is really hard.
post #14 of 30
You made the best decision you could in a very difficult situation.
post #15 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thanks, everybody, I do appreciate the support.
post #16 of 30
Tim...This decision must have been so difficult for you.
Rocket is such a handsome boy. I am sure he will be adopted into a loving home where he is more comfortable.
Please keep us updated about how you, Millie and Rocket are doing.
post #17 of 30
I know it is the hardest decision to make ... You did the best you can ,.,, I have been there
post #18 of 30
You've done the best thing for your cat, even though its painful.
As pet owners, our responsibility is to provide the best life for our animals as possible, and you are making sure Tommy will be happy!

He's beautiful! I'm sure he will catch someone's eye right away, and he will have the perfect home.
post #19 of 30
Tim, I'm so sorry you had to make such a hard decision. What a heartbreaking day for you. I'm sure Mellie appreciates what you have done for her, and in the long run you'll know it was the right choice, as hard as it was. Tommy will find a good home, he's a handsome boy...
post #20 of 30
, Tim. I know it was a very tough decision, and that you didn't take giving up Tommy lightly. You had to decide what was best for everyone involved. that Tommy quickly finds another good home.
post #21 of 30
I can't even imagine how hard that decision was but I'm sure you made the right choice. You tried everything imaginable (sp?) to intergrate Tommy but sometimes it's just not meant to be. to you. I'm sure Tommy will be adopted by terrific, loving family.
post #22 of 30
Prayers for Tommy that he will have a happy life.
post #23 of 30
Tommy has been on my mind. I pray that you are adopted into a happy, forever home sweet boy.
Originally Posted by Rockcat
Prayers for Tommy that he will have a happy life.
post #24 of 30
Thread Starter 
Tommy has gone to his new home. He was adopted and his new owner picked him up today. I don't know anything about his new family ... they don't give out that information.

Good luck, Tommy. You're a great cat. I miss you. I hope you are treated real well and are very happy in your new home.
post #25 of 30
I'm sorry it didn't work out with Tommy...I know that it
was not easy but you did what you had to do
post #26 of 30
Thank you for letting us know that Tommy has a new home.
That is wonderful news.
post #27 of 30
Good news about Tommy!
post #28 of 30
That's good news, Tim. I'm sure he will be happy in his new home, and I'm glad they found one for him!
post #29 of 30
I'm sure he'll be fine in his new home. You tried your hardest
post #30 of 30
Good news about Tommy's new home! You did the right thing for all involved and now Tommy is brightening up another family's home.
BTW, if you can, get a copy of the book "Cat Confidential", written by a cat-behavior specialist (I can't remember the author's name, Vicky ???)Anyhow, she has a chapter on why sometimes cats just don't click.
I know that Cindy is around, there seems to be much chaos & frayed nerves among the other cats. I have added 3 cats since getting Joey & JC and they've all adjusted great - it's just poor Cindy that stirs trouble...And she used to get along great with my other cats - maybe she has been traumatized by the loss of the others (one disappeared & the other was murdered by our own dogs )
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