Why is one of my cats shy??

I have 2 17 week old kittens, Murphy and Olly. Murphy is really friendly and runs when I call on him and pushes his face into my hand to make me stoke him. My other kitten, Olly won't come when I call him and although he does sometimes let me stoke him and sleeps on my knee. However if I put him on my knee or pick him up he always wants down, he also sometimes spits at strangers. Is this a behavioural problem or just his personality. Is there some way I can make him more comfortable with me?

Originally Posted by Wendy Horne

I have 2 17 week old kittens, Murphy and Olly. Murphy is really friendly and runs when I call on him and pushes his face into my hand to make me stoke him. My other kitten, Olly won't come when I call him and although he does sometimes let me stoke him and sleeps on my knee. However if I put him on my knee or pick him up he always wants down, he also sometimes spits at strangers. Is this a behavioural problem or just his personality. Is there some way I can make him more comfortable with me?

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You don't say how long the kittens have been with you, but cats have personality variations just like humans do. Olly may take longer to bond with you than Murphy did. And he may be more cautious of strangers forever.

If Murphy and Olly were littermates, Olly may depend on Murphy to be the "alpha," too.

Time will work things out. If you are kind to Olly and he learns to associate you with food and comfort, he will warm up, although he may never be as affectionate as Murphy.

My middle cat is the same way -- in the more than six months she's lived with me, she has never sat on my lap or been comfortable with being picked up or held. It's just the way some cats are. (My other two are affection hogs, so I am not hurting for cuddles. lol)

Every cat has his own personality. Be patient, but don't be a "pest." My Oliver is a show off around company, but Tripod hides under the bed when people visit (except for a few very special people who he loves). Oliver is cuddly, but only when he wants. Tripod purrs as soon as I touch him. Enjoy their differences.

Your Murphy and Olly sound like my Tigger and Pooh. Tigger doesn't like to be held and she never comes to sit with me. She will hiss if anyone tries to grab her. However, the second I'm in bed she's glued to me and stays there most of the night. Her sister Pooh, on the other hand, always comes when I call her, tolerates being picked up and will curl up in my lap if it's quiet and the dogs aren't bouncing off the walls. Your Olly just seems to have a bit more of an independent "cattitude"

Thank you very much for your advice. I think you're right I've noticed that Olly seems to follow Murphy around more and he seems to be the boss. Murphy also seems to pick up things more quickly. Hopefully Olly will just take a bit longer to gain confidence.

If you just ignore Olly as far as affection goes, he will get curious as to why you aren't paying attention to him and come to you quicker than if you do pick him up every now and again and place him on your lap, where he clearly does not want to be.

I would listen to the advice of people on this board. I have 2 littermates that are like night and day. One is a lap cat, the other is afraid of people. Some cats (in fact most in my experience) don't like being picked up. Some cats will only snuggle while you are sleeping, some like to sit while you watch TV, others demand attention at times, and some are just happy to be in the same room watching what you are doing. My cats fall in all of these categories.

I was just about to make a similar post when I spotted Wendy's post I also have 2 littermates - Bella and Cinders. They're 5 months old and I've had them for 8 weeks now.

Bella is very affectionate and friendly and is always happy to let me pick her up for a kiss or cuddle or strokes but is happiest lying on her back having her tummy and armpits tickled. She also purrs at the drop of a hat. Having said that, she won't settle down in my lap.

Cinders is affectionate but it's on her terms. If I try to approach her to give her affection, she will run away. When she wants to be stroked, she lets me know by rubbing herself against my ankles and/or meowing until I stroke her - her purrs would put any sports car exhaust to shame! She doesn't like being picked up and will struggle to break free if I do manage to pick her up. However, she does occasionally climb into my lap and will stay there as long as I don't attempt to stroke her. (I am only allowed to stroke her when she looks at me and meows her permission!) If she is very tired, she will roll onto her back in my lap and let me tickle her tummy and armpits

I think Cinders likes being around me but maybe isn't so fussed on lots of direct attention. I try to spend at least half an hour every evening playing with the kittens and Cinders is always happy to play. Whatever room I am in, both Bella and Cinders will follow shortly - it's rare that they are not in the same room as my husband and I. At bedtime, Bella will curl up under one of the bedside cabinets and Cinders will either sleep on my legs or between my husband and my heads in the gap left by the pillows

Having read what everybody else has said and looking back on what I have just written here, maybe I don't have a shy kitten. Perhaps it is a case of they are just 2 different personalities

In a litter you have all kinds of personalities - some more friendly/outgoing and some on the shy side. Looks like you wound up with one of each - don't expect them to act the same even if raised the same.