Overcautious on TCS?

Wow!!!

I can just imagine all the weirdo's surfing there. That is scary.

I am so glad my son is grown but I fear for my grandkids.

I think it is a good thing for the cautions TCS implies. if i had younger kids using it iwould be grateful too.

I understand all your reasons but still think your a little over cautious, especially with the PM thing. The My space thing is bad but if you think of the amount of people who use the net there no matter how much we try, will be some cases, as there is in real life as well.

I believe parents should take a lot of responsibility of there childrens access to the web and websites. Just like they take responsibility for where they go in real life and who they telephone.

But if thats your policy we have to stick with it. I do congratulate you on thinking about these things though.

Just My opinions as im said im glad TCS thinks about these things

I'm glad TCS has this policy. We share a lot of info on this site. Stalkers come in many forms. Caution may help avoid a tragedy.

I am sorry if there are those of you who belive we are over the top in trying to protect the minors that come here. But, we have reasons for making the rules that exist, and we hope that everyone can overlook the minor annoyance and still enjoy the website for what it is intended for.

I watched a special the other day on cable, I can't remember what channel, it was really early in the a.m. and I couldn't sleep. They were doing an expose of internet predators, and one of their favorite tricks is to surf the popular websites and copy the photos posted of young children. Then they take those photos and creatively remove clothing, set in backdrops and sell the photos to porn sites or put them on their porn sites. This could be a picture of your daughter at her 12th birthday party, or your 10 year old jumping into a pool. They showed before and after shots, and I was amazed at how professional this child porn looked

Wow, that is really slimeball. I'm glad my kid is an adult already.

As a mother, I can honestly say I wish more sites would be as "over-cautious" as TCS is.

I monitor my own children on the computer, but we all know there are parents out there who don't even think about the dangers that the internet can pose.

As always, better safe now than sorry later.

I remember first getting aol at 17 and the number of perverts who would IM me. I talked to one guy several times who was probably 22 and said it was on the fire department (as was my father) and one day he just out asked me to meet him for some very descriptive sex!! I had talked to him for a couple months about nothing sexual and he just laid it all out one night. I was totally freaked out! I had so many guys send me naked pictures. They would find my profile info and IM me randomly. I had to block getting pictures via IM. Myspace kinda scares me in this way too. My brother has an account and he's almost 30. He has teenaged girls contacting him, sending him suggestive pictures, it's so bizarre. I just wish more parents paid attention to this stuff.

I agree with the TCS approach to minors. I think it's great that there enough policies in place to prevent those with ulterior motives from accessing the good kids that contribute to the site.

I would have to say that I'm not sorry if there are members who believe that TCS is more strict than needed. Rather, I think it's frustrating and sad that there are so many careless sites out there who are too lazy or uncaring to protect or limit what kind of information is available of their members.

I had no idea that something so sick and evil was going on with just regular photos. I'm a little shocked.

i have myspace set so that i only get messages from my friends and so far its worked i get nothing unwanted on myspace at all i thnk you just have to look out for yoursel. my kids DO NOT have IM at all and they cannot get email from anyone i do not approve(meaning i get an email saying what websites they have been on, who they talked to, who they sent email to and who emailed them and i personally logg onto their email once a week to check and see what they are doing if they saved anything and so on. my friends do call me over protective but i realize that there is sooooo much more stuff available to them at an even younger age now than there was when i was growing up. IM ONLY 28! it wasn't that long ago. my neighbor girl came over earlier today shes 14 and said that one of her friends found out she was pregnant!!! her friend is only 13 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i swear im gonna build a steel vault that has that retina code and voice analysis and lock my daughter and later my sons in it till they are 30 lmao!!!!!!!!!!

I would hate like heck if someone joined here who wasn't who he or she pretended to be and preyed on one of our younger members via PM, where we couldn't see it. We have no way of knowing what goes on, or what info is exchanged. I'd rather we keep it out in the open, where we have some monitoring ability.

yet one more reason why i am glad i can be an HS to help nail predators

I 100% whole heartedly suppport TCS's protection of the minors on this site. I for one would miss them if they couldn't be on here. And it makes me furious that someone would try to hurt them. I havn't met anyone on here who wasn't an outstanding person as far as I can tell from being on here. No one deserves what people try to do to these kids.

I'd rather we protect them as much as we can, and keep them around without them having to deal with the scars of predators!

Exactly. That's why I like TCS so much, and have stayed on as a member. I find the majority of the people here to be honest and caring, and I feel as if I've really gotten to know people for who they are.

It's nice to hear of some support on an issue that only seems to come up when somebody doesn't understand and/or agree with it. Not everything can be prevented to perfection on the internet, but why leave gasoline beside an open fire? You at least take away the gasoline if you can, right? That's the way I see it.

I agree that parents should take more responsibility for their kids, but many kids do not get enough supervision. And the kids are smarter than the parents about computers. My then 16 y/o son signed up for his own AOL acct with a fake name and fake credit card #. The only way we found out is that his father, who lives out of state, somehow got info that my ds was on-line. AOL has some kind of reporting that lets you know if someone has been on for over 2 hours, and luckily ds initially logged on from his dad's acct initially. AOL sent his dad an e-mail, and he notified us.

We do supervise our kids, and had separate accts on the computer, where the kids could log on without a password, and with no internet access. He used that to start his own acct. (He was grounded for so long after that! I do believe it was his first criminal act .)

Currently he gets about an hour a day on-line, and only when we are home. I do check in with him often, and talk about our rules, and read him articles like the one posted here. But there is some risk. As I said, he is smarter about computers than I am. He can delete cookies, etc, and cover his trail.

I am totally happy that TCS is a little over-cautious. That is the best way to get the predators to go somewhere else!

Scary info about altering pics of the kids. I have never posted pics of my kids on-line, even here at TCS. Just too paranoid, but now I see I have reason to be. And of course, I am cursed with the best looking children on the planet!

I think TCS rocks, and I am very glad to be a member!

Yes children can get out of control can do things without parents knowledge. We all did. But wrapping them in too much cotton wool doesnt always help. As when they hit the real world there is a bit of a shock. I believe we should all take some responsibility but we cant expect 3rd parties (in this case TCS) to do that monitoring for us. Not to harp on about the PM thing but I know of at least 2 people who have not come back to TCS since the PM rule was bought in. If someone hasseled them by PM they could report it to a MOD who could take some action. Now if someone hassels them by email there is nothing TCS can do. Does this now mean that they are on less monitored sites and in more danger.

IMO opinion todays world has got to the point we are Mollycoddling (love that word) everyone and taking responsibility from the individual and the family. It is not the states responsibility to police every little aspect of our lives, this isnt cold war USSR. The present culture has a lot to answer for with companies being sued for stupid things. Therefore people become overcautious. Children then become adults expecting everything on a plate for them and assuminng they have to take no responsibility for there own actions. Children have as much chance of being stalked IRL as onthe net, all you need to do is a quick google search and you can find a myriad of cases. We all need to be a little cautious but there becomes a level when this caution is doing more harm than good.

On the gasoline thing. Gasoline is fine if you use it responsibly where you should in your car. Thats what education is about. Just because we have nuclear weopons does not mean we have to use them.


Just my opinions Dont think I can add anything more to this discussion as you all know where I stand.

Take Care

Dx

I think although it may be at times frustrating for the minors on here not to be able to PM etc I agree 100% with TCS for doing this. What would we all say if we found out something terrible had happened and it was too late? Although this can happen to anyone of any age, minors are more at risk from the sicko's out there.
I am personally very cautious with my personal information on the web and other places for that matter, I've kind of been a bit slacker on here because everyone seems so genuine (maybe thats how the minors feel in chat rooms though....) but I had a very bad experience with an ex boyfriend who put a lot of my information on the web and as a result I had to change a lot of personal things, e-mail, mobile number (twice), address etc and it was just incredable the amount of things he was able to do with the little info he had about me! It was a nightmare. I had strangers contacting me in every way possible!
I know that goes away from the minors subject but it's the same kind of thing. You can never be too careful. A lot of internet providers allow parents to put blocks and filters on their childs web access and are able to monitor what the child does but it's just whether the parent uses it or not...

Personally, I am glad that there are these precautions on TCS not only for the sake of the kids but the adults on the board. I have a friend who (not knowing that this was a child) was talking to someone on a board just about cats etc and the parents thought she was a predator for speaking to the kid and got the police involved.

Also I don't think that some of the younger members know how much they are giving away in a single post, something as innocent as you know the girl is called Heather from a post she made 3 months ago, and then she says she is going up to 6th grade, her profile says she live in x city, state and then she says what play her school is doing for the talent show or whatever and how hard would it be to pick up a programme for the talent show and know exactly what kid that is from a few tidbits of information posted.

I do however agree that children should be supervised by their parents when it comes to forums - my parents did not let us use the internet to talk to people on forums, they regularly checked our friends lists on IM and email lists and called our friends parents to make sure that 1. it was our friends and 2. their parents knew they were online and it was ok to talk to us online and they also had a lot of websites blocked from our viewing and a backup with password was created for cookies so we couldn't delete them.

I have been following the "Dateline" expose on this. Last night they had a short story on this. There is a group out there purposely pretending to be kids to lure out the pedophiles. There was one guy that went to see a supposedly 13 yr old boy for a sexual encounter who was on parole for being a sexual preditor!!! He was confronted by cameras and then when he left he was arrested!!!

Past episodes profiled a Rabbi, fireman and a doctor!! These people have since lost their jobs (GOOD!) after they were on national TV!!!

I applaude TCS for protecting our kids!!

I honestly don't believe danger would come from 'hassling'. I believe more it would come from instilling a false sense of trust and then having the minor volunteer too much information out of trust. We have no way of regulating what goes on in PMs. If kids have left here for other sites because of our PM rules, that is their choice. Perhaps they are more at risk out there. I can only do what I feel is right on my corner of the net, namely, this site.

Me too!

I can see how it must be annoying for the minors on this site with not being able to PM, but there are other ways to contact people, and anyways it's for their own good, for their protection, right?

I wasn't going to reply in this thread anymore as most of you know where i stand. But as deb has quoted me i feel i need to respond


The same thing though can happen with emails to members of this site. I have just looked up someones email who's under 18 on this site. So just because people cant PM that wont stop anything. So in practice your not really protecting anyone. Education is a better way to go it just seems to me as if your pushing the problem away and saying. 'It cant happen here because we've changed the rules and at least we wont get sued' I'm afraid it can happen on the most security concious of sites limiting PMs wont stop it it just alienates the younger members and makes them feel like there not proper members. It also encourages them to be more likely to give out email adresses or IM infornation (which as far as im concerned is a much greater danger). Personally I think your better off engagaing with people and giving them advice rather than making them feel like second class citizens.

Just My opinion and I promise thats my last word I probably wont read this thread again as if i do im bound to reply again cant stop myself eh.

I think it does help protect them at least a little bit more. Some people will just try one thing (like PM'ing) then stop, or don't realize they can get their emails or something. It's gotta help filter out some bad contacts. And it's ok if you disagree! I like seeing other people's opinions- sometimes they change my opinions, too.

I used to have AOL... had so many pervs IM'ing me... ICQ is the same way. The number of pervs IM'ing me on ICQ was astonishing. What killed me was when I'd tell them flat out I'm not into e-sex... they'd tell me they just want to chat... five minutes later they'd be asking me all kinds of pornographic crap. At that poiint, I'd block their pathetic arses and move on. I haven't done ICQ in years and have no desire to go back. I dropped AOL for similar reasons, partly due to an ex-bf stalking me via AOL/AIM. Sick puppy. But also due to random jerks.

I have an account with myspace. One thing bugged me with that article: they say that profiles have addresses. Email addresses maybe, but not snail mail addresses. I guess if you want to put it up there and are that stupid, then go right ahead. You have city and state, what schools you went to, which, if I were in high school, I wouldn't put up. That's an open invite for a perv to stalk you. I like MySpace because I can blog there to my hearts' content and be a total b***h and not care. I've also heard more about local bands through MySpace than I have anywhere else. There are some good things about MySpace.

Now with TCS, I would seriously hope there aren't too many pervs hanging out on a cat lovers' forum, but it does take all kinds to make up the world... just wish some of them (namely the pervs) would go jump off a cliff. I know it must be frustrating for the underaged here, but I also understand the reasons for the rules. if I were a mom I'd want my kids protected... yet I would also want them to be aware of the world around them and not get too isolated. I was isolated, as my parents were hermit-like. I was and still am a little unprepared for some things, like getting along with people in normal society (long story...). if you shelter the child too much, that child grows up with issues. A balance of protection and lessons about life is the best... and seemingly the most difficult thing for parents to accomplish. Parents are so afraid to talk to their kids nowadays... (of course, mine were no better) If I ever become a mom, I'd do my damndest to give my child balance. Can ya tell I'm a Libra?

Stepping down from the soapbox now... I hope that made sense... I'm coming down from my Caffiene high...

Amanda

I was molested by a teacher when I was fourteen and it made me lose all interest in boys and men for quite a few years. I'm in now in a happy relationship with my fiancee due to therapy and I'm going to be married by September. I love him so much and I am glad that my exprience did not make me hate all men.
My friend on the other hand was raped at 12 by a Sunday school teacher the first time. She then started going to parties and getting wasted, on one such ocaision she passed out in a bathtub at 13 and was raped by a gang member she woke up halfway throught the ordeal. She has been since I have know her gone out with men who are ten years older, she is now seeing a man her fathers age.