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the hardest thing

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
sunday morning, she wasn't breathing right. but then a few minutes later, she was. we thought she was just congested and trying to purr at the same time.

later that day, she didn't want to be held. she just laid down where she was and started breathing through her mouth. still purring, though.

i didn't want to wait until monday morning to take her to the vet. we rushed her to the er vet. they did blood work, took x-rays and did ultrasounds.

dh & i waited.

the vet came out and said, "come with me. i want you to see the x-rays."

she was filled with fluid in her chest cavity, around her heart and in her abdomen.

the first thing the vet said was, "we have a few options. first, we can put her to sleep, but you know that already. second..."

and i started sobbing. and sobbing. and nothing could make it stop.

i squeaked out, "no more options. just put her to sleep. i don't want her suffering. just put her to sleep."

papers to fill out. forms to initial. payment to be made.

and then they let us have a few minutes with her before she would cross the rainbow bridge.

she was so small. five pounds. wrapped in a blanket to keep her warm. we stroked her nose. dh rubbed her under her chin (only he could do that the right way. mommy never could master that). we told her we loved her. i kissed her up and down her back, the way i always did. told her she was mommy's good girl, and her tail quivered...i knew she understood me. she was my good mabel baby. again, her tail quivered.

the vet came and took her out of the room to catheterize her front paw.

when she came back in, she asked if i wanted to hold her. i didn't. i didn't want to hold her. i didn't want to be there at all. but i held her. and daddy held her head. and soon, there wasn't any more pink liquid in the syringe.

i asked how long it would take.

and the vet said, "she's already gone."

oh, my god. so quick. and i hope so painless for my baby.

i hope she knows i'm sobbing as i type this. and i hope she knows it was the last thing we wanted to do. and i hope she knows that she'll always be my mabel baby.

and the house is so empty.

and there's no mabel, waiting for me when i come home, doing her 'pet me' dance at the top of the stairs.

and there's no mabel, dancing around my feet as i make her breakfast.

and there's no mabel, sitting in the bay window, watching the cars go by.

but i know she's over the rainbow bridge, and i hope she's healthy and young and pain free.

i miss her.
post #2 of 17
I know the pain that you are feeling as I had to make that choice last year.
My heart aches with you but take comfort in the fact that Mabel is no longer in pain. She is romping happily at the Rainbow Bridge.
She will always be with you in your heart!
RIP sweet angel!
post #3 of 17
I'm crying with you right now.

Be comforted by the fact that you made the best choice for your baby, and you were with her at the end. I didn't get the chance with Sunni, and my heart is still broken.

RIP sweet girl, this was indeed the hardest thing for your Mommy.
post #4 of 17
I feel so much for you as I lost a cat once in exactly the same way. My Sheba was 16 and I had to rush her to the vet when I found her open mouth breathing on the kitchen floor. It was such a shock to find her like that and I know how you must have felt. Her lungs were full of liquid too and hte vet said that even if she drained them, it would proabably recur as Sheba had had kidney disease for two years. I hope you find peace in the knowledge that you did right and she is now at peace.
post #5 of 17
As I read this through my tears, it was all too familiar. Exactly two weeks ago today, I said goodbye to my Candy kitty. It’s so hard to have to be the one to make the decision – your mind knows it’s for the best, but your heart screams, NO. I held my Candy through the end of her life on earth, took her home and laid her to rest in my back yard.

I know exactly how you miss Mabel – not seeing her in the places she’s supposed to be around the house, not being able to hold her, pet her. The pain will ease, but it will not go away quickly, (if ever?). Thinking of our babies young again and playing as they wait for us is comforting, though.

My heart is with you and my tears flow for you. Rest in peace, dear Mabel.

post #6 of 17
It is a hard time for you right now as it is for us. We put our boy Sunny to sleep last night after losing the battle with Anemia. She is in a good place.
post #7 of 17
I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard when it is time to say goodbye. Having been there, I know how hard you are hurting right now.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Rest in peace Mabel.
post #8 of 17
I'm so sorry for your loss.

RIP sweet Mabel
post #9 of 17
oh darlin, I am so very sorry for your loss. I weep with you as I read your pain and emotions in your words Although incredibly hard you made the right decision, you put Mable ahead of your own feelings - incredibly unselfish of you. Be gentle with yourself at this time. Mable loves you, she knows what you did was for her. You helped her cross over to the bridge with dignity.

RIP darling Mable, fly high with the angels - you will never be far away from those that love you
post #10 of 17
I am sorry you lost your sweet cat. They do purr in the final moments, for purring will comfort them when they are anxious, scared or in pain.
post #11 of 17
Oh you poor thing

Mabel sounds like she was one very special little girl But one day when you meet her again she'll give you that little "pet me" dance again and to thank you for not letting her suffer

She's well over the bridge now playing with all the other kitties, so try not to worry because she's fit and healthy again

RIP Mabel, you were loved so much
post #12 of 17
Originally Posted by sunnicat
I'm crying with you right now.

I am so sorry for your loss...

Rest in Peace, sweet angel.
post #13 of 17
I am so sorry for you, but she is no longer in pain.
post #14 of 17
Im crying with you. All of these posts are so sad. For anyone that has had to make this decision, we understand the pain, and yes, a bit of guilt that comes with such a moment. I hope when it again comes my time to do this, I have the courage to be there with my baby, and help her cross the bridge, like you did with Mabel. That was brave. The first time I had to do this, I thought I would be sick and couldnt bear to watch the vet kill my friend. I have felt guilty about that ever since. You did the right thing, and I feel the pain you feel. Prayers to you, your dh, and your sweet little furbaby, Mabel.
post #15 of 17
To sbw999 - A year ago October, I had to give up my favorite barn cat. At the vet's office, I didn't think I could bear to see her die in front of me, so I sat and waited. Almost immediately, I felt guilty that I didn't stay with her - hold her.

When my house cat of almost 15 years, Candy, became ill this past December, and the time came, I knew I had to stay with her. Though it hurt so much, I knew I couldn't do it any other way.
post #16 of 17
OH my gosh, your post was so poetic- a very sad one, that is; I felt everything that you wrote about- the emptiness, the sadness, even a couple tears slid down my cheeks. Really. I feel for you, so much. That was so sudden, and shocking, I can tell. You did the best thing for her, don't ever doubt it, she is looking down from Rainbow Bridge with a little smile right now wishing her Meowmy wouldn't cry so much, even though she can't help it. And thanking her for letting her out of her pain, and the pain that would have come if she wasn't set free. Just please, even if everything else feels empty, don't ever let your heart be empty- Mabel will ALWAYS be there with you, no matter what.
post #17 of 17
Deepest condolences on the loss of dear Mabel. I understand that pain, too. May your happy memories bring you comfort as you recover from your loss.

Rest in peace, Mabel, over the Rainbow Bridge!
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