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very angry - need advice *long*

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
About a week ago a good friend of mine called me up in the middle of the night when he had been kicked out of his house (drunk). Being as he is a good friend I kindly gave him my spare room for the month that he will remain in town.

Everything started off pretty well, but now he doesnt do anything around the place, he leaves his mess around, doesnt clean up after himself, he takes things without asking, and invites his friends over without telling me.

I get home for lunch today and my best friend told me that while I was at the hospital last night visiting my sick mother, my friend was b*tching about me, telling her that *I* don't do anything!!!.

It makes me so angry that he could say that about me especially after I offered him somewhere to stay, because he didnt have anywhere to stay. And also that he could say that about me to my best friend, and in my own house!!

The worst part about it is that all he does is drink, eat, sleep and "works". He comes home, he drinks, we cook him dinner, he goes to bed, he gets up, and goes to "work" again. That's all he does, he hasnt done ANYTHING.

I just wanted some advice to how I could tell him how I feel about this, I don't want at all to kick him out, and he is hard to talk to because he points out other people's mistakes and can't admit to his own. Any ideas of how I can get through to him?
post #2 of 24
I think you're being too nice about this. His butt would have been out on the street a long time ago if I were you.

But then, I'm also the same person who told my bf if he left his socks on the floor one more time I was feeding them to the dog, so maybe I'm not the right person to reply
post #3 of 24
Hmmm....how much longer till he leaves town? Maybe this has something to do with why he got kicked out of where he was living before.

I'd say this person really doesn't care for your friendship because of thier lack of respect toward you. You may not want to kick the person out yet, but if they have say 2-3 weeks left to stay with you, you may need to set down some ground rules. Make some compromises, like ask them to clean up behind themselves, but give a little on the drinking or something. I can understand how it is with people who have no faults of thier own, but really, you deserve some respect, you have been a great friend. Maybe too giving if this is how he will thank you. I've just gotten so, if someone proves themselves to be only a taker, then the friendship is not worth it to me. I can understand for a while, we all go through things. But there is a point where you can't just be walked on or let people take advantage of you like that. Goodluck with it all.
post #4 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom
I think you're being too nice about this. His butt would have been out on the street a long time ago if I were you.

But then, I'm also the same person who told my bf if he left his socks on the floor one more time I was feeding them to the dog, so maybe I'm not the right person to reply
Well does he leave his socks on the floor?
post #5 of 24
Nope! The threat of turning them into Buddha's snack cleared that right up I highly recommend it
post #6 of 24
Ungrateful people really IRK me.

If the mooch is working tell him he now has to pay the electric bill or phone bill or something. Or $50 a week.
See how he likes that!



I would DEFINITELY have a little talk with the a**####.
post #7 of 24
Wow...how did you get ahold of my ex roomate! This guy sounds like a carbon copy of the guy that we were living with..he lived here for 4 months though. My fiance and I just got to the point where we had to say to him...you know this isn't working..and that's what you need to do with this guy. If you let him continue to stay there I'm sure that you'll just end up getting more and more frustrated with one another and you won't want to speak again.
post #8 of 24
I would say the drinking is the key to it. I had a friend who behaved rather like that because he knew he was an alcoholic but wouldn't admit it to anyone, then put all his self loathing onto everyone else around him. It took two years of being thrown out of places to live (including mine) and an emergency visit to hospital following a fall that knocked him out before he could talk about the problem and accept treatment. He has been 'dry' for four years now and is a much nicer person! Your friend needs 'tough love' and some direct action from those who know him, but only he can help himself.
post #9 of 24
I friend of mine did this when in your situation. They 'pretended' a family member or family (depending on your space), and that although you would like to continue helping out, you must have your family stay so you friend needs to find somewhere esle to stay. Give them a bit of time, and offer to help them find something. Give them a date a few days before their 'arrival' with the excuse you need to give the place a really good clean out to pass the family inspection!! It worked well for my friend and no one felt hurt. You can also say a family emergency, say death of a great grandma meant they had to cancel the day before coming or went home early. I hope this helps. And if you must, really organise for someone to visit, needing the space back might prompt him.
post #10 of 24
I tend to have to go with the consensus here...he's not a grateful friend.
If he was then he would be helping around the house and such.

I would definitely bring in some ground rules if its the beginning of the last month. If he doesn't abide by them, then either start charging him for the stay or tell him to find somewhere else to live. You could make it even more uncomfortable for him (if he doesn't show signs of gratitude) and start nagging him constantly. That'll get any man out of the house quckly.
post #11 of 24
I get home for lunch today and my best friend told me that while I was at the hospital last night visiting my sick mother, my friend was b*tching about me, telling her that *I* don't do anything!!!.



What more does he want you to do? You have done more then enough. You have given him a place to live! Jeezzzz some people. When his times up don't let him stay any longer then what you had told him could stay.
post #12 of 24
Pack his things for him and tell him to sling his hook!!.

And as for being a friend, real friends don't b*tch about you to others.
post #13 of 24
Thread Starter 
Its gotten worse.

Last night he blew up at me because I like to lead my life in a completely different way to his. He has to get up early in the morning because he starts work very early, and I don't start as early, and i'm not an early night type of person so I stay up longer than him. I understand that he needs sleep so I try to be considerate and keep light to a minimum, shutting doors ect. But the one time there was light, he got angry and blew up at me, calling me everything he could think of. He has already threatend to hit me on 2 different occasions so I didnt want to tell him that although I may have opinions about the way he leads his life, I keep them to myself because its none of my business, its his life, and he can choose to do with it whatever he likes, and I would have assumed he thought the same, seeing as we had already spoken about it. But no, apparently what I do in my life is everybodys business. He is at me all the time about something. He has other places he can sleep where he wont be bothered, but he has to sleep where he is. Am I the one in the wrong here?

I don't really want him in my house anymore, he is leaving for good in 2 days anyway, but I want him out now. I still just dont have the heart to throw someone out, crazy I know, any advice?
post #14 of 24
You are enabling him to continue drinking, and he feels it is oK to be abusive toward you. Call the cops and have him escorted out. Tell them that he has threatened you and you do not feel comfortable trying to get him out without back up.

Never alow someone to treat you like this as you are a good person and need to put your foot down. You should feel safe in your own home. He has a job let him stay in a hotel. Check your valuables to make sure none are missing as well. Just get him out!
post #15 of 24
Kick his sorry butt to the curb! Not tomorrow - right now.

How DARE he blow up at you when he's mooching in YOUR home?!?! And threaten to hit you??? OMG, he would have been out my door right then and there! I agree with Teresa - call the police and have them escort him out if you can't do it yourself. NO ONE deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. He is emotionally and very close to physically abusive. And my bet is that he won't leave in two days if you don't put your foot down and make him.
post #16 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by valanhb
Kick his sorry butt to the curb! Not tomorrow - right now.

How DARE he blow up at you when he's mooching in YOUR home?!?! And threaten to hit you??? OMG, he would have been out my door right then and there! I agree with Teresa - call the police and have them escort him out if you can't do it yourself. NO ONE deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. He is emotionally and very close to physically abusive. And my bet is that he won't leave in two days if you don't put your foot down and make him.

Yeaht that! I hopes he learns that he can't burn his bridges with people like this! I would never speak to him again!!!
post #17 of 24
He threatened to hit you?!? Take Heidi's advice and call the cops to escort him out right now, just for your own safety... no one deserves to he spoken to like that. The guy sounds like a complete ass, let him solve his own problems.
post #18 of 24
He threatened you. KICK HIM OUT.

He is BLAMING you and making YOU feel guilty. KICK HIM OUT. You did nothing wrong. He is a typical abuser, making you feel guilty for stuff you did NOT even do.

Do not give him the grace of waiting 2 days. Period. Kick him out, and if he won't go? Call the cops & tell them he doesn't live there, you do, and you want him out.

The address verification will be your YOUR ID, not his; so just show him the door and if he won't go, have him escorted.

You've done enough! To be threatened by an angry, drunk guy is not my idea of "friendship".
post #19 of 24
If a guest in my home threatens me in anyway, I throw them out, bodily. You shouldn't feel threatened in your own home, and if you do, then it's time for your guest to leave.
post #20 of 24
He threatened you and he will make good on his threats eventually. I would call the police and ask their advice. See if they could send an officer to your house to be with you as you tell him to get out, to make sure he doesn't do anything to you. You really should file a police report, that way if he does do something you will have more evidence.

I know it is hard to have to do this to someone who has been your friend, but it's obvious the alcohol is his only friend now. He will hurt you in more ways than one. You can try to remember the person he used to be before the drinking took over his life, but remember that he's changed and he needs help. Allowing him to stay at your house is not helping him, kicking him out with the police present is. You have to protect yourself and your house.
post #21 of 24
I have to go with the flow and friend or not his welcome has ended.
I would make sure his stuff if packed and you have all your keys(maybe get locks changed) If he is working he should have the money to stay at a motel for a couple of days. I personally would be worried about the threats. If you call the police perhaps they could be there to help you get him out of your house.
Stand firm and stay safe please.
post #22 of 24
I agree with everyone here. Good luck and
post #23 of 24
Why is he even your friend? You deserve to be treated much better. Get rid of the bum. It may be wise to have some real friends there with you in case he gets violent.
post #24 of 24
After reading your last post, DON'T let him stay any longer.

HE'S A STUPID SPOILED BRAT! He mooches off of you by staying there and YELLS at you for being inconsiderate in YOUR OWN HOME.

You are NOT in the wrong my dear. You are only in the wrong by letting him stay there.

Besides...isn't he suppose to be gone by now? I.e. wasn't the month of his stay the max? It seems like this post has been longer then a month.

Good Luck with this!!!
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