Frustrated!

Just need to express my frustration with how things how progressing with my new addition, Claire. I'm frustrated with the situation, not with her. It's been just over two months since she came to live with us and she and other cats are getting along great. Our relationship is progressing much more slowly. There have been a few times when it seemed like she was really warming up to me, even curling up next to me on the couch or sleeping on the bed with the rest of the crew. But, most of the time, she still seems very skittish around me. She'll let me approach her some of the time, but I have to do it very slowly and speak to her softly. Then, she'll let me pet her for just a little bit, before she jumps up and runs away. Sometimes, she'll just get within a couple of feet and I'll find her staring at me, almost as if she's deciding whether or not she can trust me. She does love to play and we interact a lot over Da Bird or the cat dancer.

Given all the instability she's experienced in her young life, I'm fine with taking things at her pace. She's got all the time in the world and I have no expectations of her. She's a sweet, beautiful little cat and I'm blessed to have her. I just wish I could do more to reassure her that she's safe and loved and that my home (her fifth!) will be her last.

I'm not really looking for any suggestions (but, they're welcome) just needed to get this out. I just love Claire so much and wish I do more to help her realize that. Thanks.

Hang in there! She will come around!

Maybe she's upset that she's not in your signature yet.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but sometimes it helps to hear what we already know. Since she's such a skittery kitty, probably the best thing for you to do to build up her trust is to ignore her unless SHE initiates the contact. Tend to her needs, and play with her if she asks or starts to play while you are playing with the others, but otherwise don't go after her for loves. Cats are curious and it won't take her long to wonder why she's not getting any attention. But by not invading her space when she's not comfortable with it, her trust in you will increase. Just like when socializing any feral kitten, Claire has some trust issues (understandably so!). And I know that you will be able to work through those issues with her, on her time frame.

It's so hard when they don't return the love you give. I've had my Isaac for about a year and a half. He didn't have a ruff time of it he's just not a cuddly kitty. He loves to have my attention, but he wants to play not to cuddle. So I try and take what I can get, but sometimes I just want him to come sit on my lap. Then I realize that when he lays between my feet at night that's his way of showing love, and on the rare occasion he jumps up on me & strats to knead & drool on my arm I enjoy it to no end. Hang in there, I'm sure she'll find a way to show you how much she appreciates everything you've done for her!

Originally Posted by valanhb

Maybe she's upset that she's not in your signature yet.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but sometimes it helps to hear what we already know. Since she's such a skittery kitty, probably the best thing for you to do to build up her trust is to ignore her unless SHE initiates the contact. Tend to her needs, and play with her if she asks or starts to play while you are playing with the others, but otherwise don't go after her for loves. Cats are curious and it won't take her long to wonder why she's not getting any attention.

But by not invading her space when she's not comfortable with it, her trust in you will increase. Just like when socializing any feral kitten, Claire has some trust issues (understandably so!). And I know that you will be able to work through those issues with her, on her time frame.

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That must be it! My new siggy is coming soon. I promise!

Advice is very much appreciated. You're absolutely right, and I should know better considering I help socialize the feral kittens we trap (including Peter and Claire when they were much younger). Guess it's a little harder to remember stuff like this when they're our own. I've probably been pushing her too much without even realizing it and just need to back off and give her a little time and space. Now that I think about it, the times that it seemed like she was really starting to feel comfortable with me, it was HER that initiated the contact. Thanks!

We've had Francine for almost 2 yrs now and she has just recently start warming up to us *people*. Still, you can't pet her all too much or she'll give ya a smack and if I can hold her for more than 5 seconds I consider it a small success.

I think it is just some kitties personalties to be that way.

My Callie cat, who I've had for 7 years now, is not a lover kitty unless it's on her terms. She only likes to be cuddled if she initiates it, although she'll pretty much let me pet her whenever I want. Her form of expressing love to me is to be near me. Just in the past 2 years, she's started to jump in my lap while I'm on the computer, but only if I have long pants on. We do have a bedtime routine and she'll come and lay outside the door to the bathroom while I get ready for bed, then she'll follow me to the bedroom, get in her bed and wait for me to brush her and reward her with a treat. I often awake in the middle of the night to find her snuggled up next to me on the bed!!
She's still afraid of loud noises and strange people, but she's a very good cat. As you know, just take it slowly and progress at Claire's speed. She'll eventually come around, I'm sure.

Stephanie

Thanks for the encouragement guys!

I know from talking to Claire's previous person that she had grown into a real lap cat with him in just a few months, so I know she has it in her. I'm sure she still grieving his loss in her way.

Of course, I'd love it if she'd come to trust me enough to jump in my lap but, if not, that's fine too.