I am finding it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue on this subject, so i thought I would vent here, and perhaps get some ideas for coping with this better.
My long-time friend, "June" (names changed to protect the offending parties) is having some difficulties with her son, "Bubba," 12 1/2. I have known this boy, off and on, since he was but hours old, and consider him a nephew. She and dad have been divorced since Bubba was 18mos, and co-parenting w/him and stepmom has been challenging to say the least. Thus, June and stepdad blame ALL the difficulties on Bubba's not wanting to visit dad, how dad and stepmom treat him like a dog, etc, etc, etc.
Trouble is, when I see her with Bubba (and stepdad), I RARELY see either showing the child ANY affection - and I really believe this is the root of the problem. He is a good kid, bright but unfocused (probably due in large part to his home life) and really adrift at this point. He has been evaluated for ADHD in the past (he does not have it) and was recently put on anti-depressants, and after what I've seen in the last week at his home, I am really truly worried for him, but I have no idea how to broach the subject with his mama without her being offended.
See, I have no kids of my own, so I almost feel unqualified to speak to this issue, but I observe FAR more discipline than affection, and much more unreasonable discipline than I believe is warranted for his offenses.
He is in the doghouse this week because a letter that was sent to the family court judge some months ago, which they assumed had been trumped up by one of stepmom's boys, was determined to have actually been written by Bubba himself. It stated that he no longer wished to live with his mom and stepdad, among other things. Rather than talking to the child about WHY he felt this way, or IF he truly felt this way, they have punished him MOST severely for lying about the letter to begin with - he was initially asked and denied it.
Soooo, for lying about the letter, he has had every last toy removed from his room, he was required to look up words such as truth, honesty, integrity and accountability (which, incidentally, I DO agree with - good words to know no matter what) and if he fails to complete his chores, he is required to do various calisthenics as punishment - which he usually fails at miserably because he is a puny thing.
Add to that the fact that he was required to clean his 4y/o brother's room as a chore, while said brother, "Dougie" beat him about the back and shoulders with an empty soda bottle, screaming "hurry up Bubba!!" (at stepdad's urging
) and I've reached my absolute limit. I know I can avoid visiting the family as a whole and turn a blind eye, but as I said, I am concerned for the boy, esp as he enters his teenage years, which are rough even in a stable home.
Any suggestions??????????
My long-time friend, "June" (names changed to protect the offending parties) is having some difficulties with her son, "Bubba," 12 1/2. I have known this boy, off and on, since he was but hours old, and consider him a nephew. She and dad have been divorced since Bubba was 18mos, and co-parenting w/him and stepmom has been challenging to say the least. Thus, June and stepdad blame ALL the difficulties on Bubba's not wanting to visit dad, how dad and stepmom treat him like a dog, etc, etc, etc.
Trouble is, when I see her with Bubba (and stepdad), I RARELY see either showing the child ANY affection - and I really believe this is the root of the problem. He is a good kid, bright but unfocused (probably due in large part to his home life) and really adrift at this point. He has been evaluated for ADHD in the past (he does not have it) and was recently put on anti-depressants, and after what I've seen in the last week at his home, I am really truly worried for him, but I have no idea how to broach the subject with his mama without her being offended.
See, I have no kids of my own, so I almost feel unqualified to speak to this issue, but I observe FAR more discipline than affection, and much more unreasonable discipline than I believe is warranted for his offenses.
He is in the doghouse this week because a letter that was sent to the family court judge some months ago, which they assumed had been trumped up by one of stepmom's boys, was determined to have actually been written by Bubba himself. It stated that he no longer wished to live with his mom and stepdad, among other things. Rather than talking to the child about WHY he felt this way, or IF he truly felt this way, they have punished him MOST severely for lying about the letter to begin with - he was initially asked and denied it.
Soooo, for lying about the letter, he has had every last toy removed from his room, he was required to look up words such as truth, honesty, integrity and accountability (which, incidentally, I DO agree with - good words to know no matter what) and if he fails to complete his chores, he is required to do various calisthenics as punishment - which he usually fails at miserably because he is a puny thing.
Add to that the fact that he was required to clean his 4y/o brother's room as a chore, while said brother, "Dougie" beat him about the back and shoulders with an empty soda bottle, screaming "hurry up Bubba!!" (at stepdad's urging
Any suggestions??????????