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Domestic Violence

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I`m so upset it`s making me feel physically sick.
We`ve known that a neighbor down on the corner (big guy too) is an alcholic. We`ve heard stories about him beating up his wife and 2 step sons (& they have 3 smaller children of their own too , that he has`nt beat up...YET!) He`s even pulled a gun on them and held it to their heads and threatened them before. (I got this info from another neighbor that the wife has confided in,,,and I told her that if this woman did`nt get away from him that he was going to kill somebody someday...these kinds of things do not get better without A TON of intervention...they can only get worse!)
Well, last night when i was getting ready for bed I saw flashing lights through the blinds and when I opened them to see what was going on there were cop cars and amblunces all over the place down there.
The neighbor who has befriended the wife called this morning and told me what happened.
Apparently he came home drunk and started beating on her. (They think her leg is broken pretty serverly) Her 12 year old tried to help her ,and then he started in on him.....so the 15 year old came up behind the step dad and hit him in the head with a hammer to stop him.
The neighbor who called has been up to the hospital with them, and she says the wife is going to leave him this time. (I certainly hope and pray that she does!!!!)
Those poor children...even the ones he has`nt actually beaten...have got to be emotionally scared and absolutly terrified.
I hope the law sees the step sons reaction as self defence...cause he sure should`nt be prosecuted for trying to protect his family!
This guy should consider himself lucky that the step son is`nt a very big kid, and that he knew enough to quit when he was down and out, or he might not have even woke up today!
He`s also lucky that he did`nt marry someone like me. I consider myself pretty easy to get along with, and non violent....but trust me, I`d do whatever it took to protect my kids and myself from the likes of someone like him!!! He might be stronger than me when he`s beating me up the first time, but he`d better do a d*** good job of it, cause there sure as heck would`nt be a second time.If I could`nt get away from him or thought he`d come after me....well, lets just say, I`d rather be dead or in prison than to live with someone like him.
I`m sorry this is so long and if I sound too upset...but I am!
What in the world is the matter with a man who can treat his wife and children like this? (That he endured abuse as a kid himself is no excuse at all...he`s the adult here...and he should know enough to get help for himself for whatever demons are haunting him from his own childhood....he`s GOT to know that the problem is in him!)
Thanks for letting me spot off here....I`m just sick about this for her and the kids. Please pray that she will find the strength to GET AWAY from him FOR GOOD!
Linda
post #2 of 14
This is such a difficult situation and so very sad, Linda. Bless this poor woman and her children. Let's move to IMO.
post #3 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thanks for moving this to where it needed to be....I hang out in the Cat Lounge so much that I just did`nt give it a thought that I should post it somewhere else....and I really did need to talk about it.
I`ve sent word that I would be glad to help this woman and her kids in any way I can...I just don`t know her personally and don`t want to impose myself on her.
Linda
post #4 of 14
I hope and pray she will not take him back!!

Now that he is "hurt" it will take on a different life.
She will feel sorry for him and he will make all the promises,
"but for real this time".

I HOPE I am wrong!!!
post #5 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by pjk5900
I hope and pray she will not take him back!!

Now that he is "hurt" it will take on a different life.
She will feel sorry for him and he will make all the promises,
"but for real this time".

I HOPE I am wrong!!!
That's what I'm afraid will happen, too. The holiday season really is the worst time for DV, also.
post #6 of 14
Oh, that is very upsetting! I hope that since the police were involved, and there were serious injuries, that there will be some interventions. Any woman who is allowing that to happen in her home, to herself and her kids, has little to nothing left. IMHO, she is beaten down and has given up.

Prayers that this is the end. That the horrible man is removed from the family, and some intense intervention can teach those FIVE children what a man really is-a loving leader to the family, not their worst nightmare.

I work as a nurse in the mental health field. It is amazing the comeback that some women and their families can make.
post #7 of 14
I hope that this is the end too.... He is very lucky that the 15 yr old didn't have a gun or a knife. The stepdad should be put in prison in the area where the other prisoners hate wife beaters and child abusers.
post #8 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote from Beckiboo:"I work as a nurse in the mental health field. It is amazing the comeback that some women and their families can make"

Thank you for those words of hope....that is my prayer for them too.
Linda
post #9 of 14
Oh that is so sad to hear! I had a friend growing up who lived with an abusive father. It took her mom being put in the hospital for her to leave. And after that he still tried to hurt them. I was too young at the time to see the signs of the abuse. Let's hope she does what needs to be done now. Can't the law, after having witnessed this, call him an unfit parent and make him stay away? Poor lady and her poor kids!
post #10 of 14
Thread Starter 
I think only if she presses charges...and I hope she does. I hope he gets his butt thrown in jail for a loooooong time...and that she and the kids get far enough away from him that he can`t find them when he gets out!
Linda
post #11 of 14
Isn't there a law that even if she doesn't press charges the police, I beleive that's the way it is in California, hopefully this holds true there also, Bless her and the kids
post #12 of 14
Linda, I'm glad others on here recognize the importance of raising the issue of domestic violence. Even if you are not in an abusive relationship, you ARE affected by it, either through higher healthcare costs, higher crime rates, etc. We should ALL have a vested interest in ending domestic violence.

My heart goes out to this woman and her children. The most important thing right now is to not judge or blame her. She WILL go back to him if she wants to, simple as that. On average, abuse survivors will leave 7-10 times (the average gets higher and higher) before they'll leave for good. Even if she returns, she'll need people who care to lean on and encourage her. Give her time to empower herself and she'll come around, hopefully before it's too late.
post #13 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfpint
Isn't there a law that even if she doesn't press charges the police, I beleive that's the way it is in California, hopefully this holds true there also, Bless her and the kids
In Michigan, no. There has to be charges pressed before an arrest is made. If a cop happens to witness it, that's a little different as then they can hold him for 24 hours. It sucks for those that need that type of intervention, but I can see why as what happens if you're a weirdo couple having a sadistic tickle war?

To answer your question those stamp3d as to WHY a male would do this? Unfortunately it's part of our culture. Most women still feel that children (especially boys) need a father to grow up with. Plus if she left him, my question if I were her is how do I raise 5 kids on my own? For some people its easier to take the punch then to have to worry about money.
As for males, they're brought up as they were raised by their fathers. Probably his dad beat him and his mom and instead of learning from that, he used that as an example of "a man" (really it should be deadbeat). A male is expected to be the head of the house, take care of the bills, earn the most money between the couple and essentially be the solid background.

I'm not sure which area you're in, but there's a organization (actually several), but one that I've attended charity events for in the past is First Step in Metro Detroit. They're geared towards domestic violence.
post #14 of 14
PS, if it were me though...he wouldn't have any left to feel manly about...
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