Omg What A Night

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Everyone here has given you good advice I think. Please think of your children. I too have some experience with alcoholics. Alcoholism is a disability. People with alcoholism and thier families suffer because of it. Often, the famililes suffer first. Espeically the children. I saw my Dad get violent a few times. It scared me terribly. Now I'm a grown woman with a husband who rarely touches a drop of alcohol, never ever gets drunk, and I get so scared I have a panic attack if he so much as holds me down to tickle me. Just tickling gets my fear up, the times he tried to hold me down I really freaked. I had to tell him not to tickle me anymore. It's just too scary.

Dixie im sorry you have to experience this again.
If that man cannot admit to himself that he has a problem and needs to address this problem for his own good. He has to want to change his life for himself. That is the "1st step" of the program and the honest truth.

You will never do anything to change it. You will only wind up enabling him.
Please be cautious with your heart and protective of your children and furbabies. Those are the first to suffer a drunks wrath aimed at you.

Leaving him to save yourself does not mean you dont love him or have abandoned him. He has to admit and see for himslef that he has a problem and then work on fixing it.
Until he has done that, you are in danger of being emotionally hurt and possibly physically hurt. This includes anything and anyone that is close to you.
I will pray for you and him.

Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

I went there today and was going to tell the truth. Not defend him or anything. Just the truth and it was postponed until tomorrow at 1:30. His boss showed up with money in hand, ready to bail him out. I didnt say much to him at all. Just waited to see what was going on. It''s been a stressful day because Im getting phone call after phone call from friends and family saying "Fry him". Not that I dont want to see him be punished for this, because I do. I want him to get help more then anything but I can't MAKE him get help. He has to do it on his own. Im not falling for the "jail house love". I know how that works.

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I so feel for you and won't just repeat myself with the other thoughtful things that the above people have already said.
But I think you know what you need to do. Protect yourself and all of your kids (fur and non ) by leaving him until he has gone through a comprehensive and long term rehabilitation plan. People rarely, rarely just stop drinking on their own and are just fine a short while later.

He needs help in more ways than one. He will only seek it out when he has no one left to turn to, bail him out or pick him up off the ground.

I am so sorry that you have been going through such a terrible time. You need to think about yourself right now though...don't feel guilty about anything..it is his deal now and you need to do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe!

Oh sweetheart, you've got all my prayers and good vibes In the next two days, a whole new year is going to start... it's a fresh slate to draw on and although perhaps the colouring on his might not change, the colours on your will. As it's been said, these people can ruin their own lives... but please, don't you let him bring you down. You deserve better than this.

Vibes sent your way!!

Thank you everyone for your support. I have just been sittin here all night thinking and debating on everything. I am on the verge of tears for the first time since it happened. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry my eyes out or wake up and this all be a dream

Keep your chin up! It might be a hard time ahead of you, but it could be so much better in the end! And we're here for you!

The sad part is this is not a dream and it could soon turn into a nightmare. Just keep you and your kids safe. Do whatever it takes and understand that some alcoholics just can't stop because you ask them to-

This strikes a nerve with me along with lots of others here on TCS.

I was married to an abusive (physically, mentally, sexually) for 3 and a half years, but went back and forth with his promises of anything I wanted.
I am sure you are getting the same thing right now.
WHY was he drinking at his Mother's house? Did she not know?
My X went to an alcohol program at the local mental health center and begged me constantly to come see him. I never did, I wasn't convinced it would help. When he got out and had been sober for 4 weeks I thought it was a good start so I agreed to go out with him. He got Sh** faced drunk that very night and beat me up. Unfortunately that wasnt even the end. I was so used to the drama that no one else seemed to make me feel the passion I did with him. We had some really, really bad physical fights and I am very lucky to be alive today. If my son hadn't been there to hear me scream one night I do not think I would be here. No, I know I wouldn't.
My son was 15 I think at the time. He will never forget that, and I will never forget putting him in that situation. PLEASE remember the honeymoon stage is all an act to get you over this. The real person is who you have to see!!!
I still cant believe his Mother let him sit there and get drunk. If she is like my X's Mom she doesn't think her baby can do any wrong no matter what he does.

My cousin's kids have seen their mother kicked, punched, strangled, thrown down stairs, had her head pushed through the wall, etc. They are only 8 and 12. I know these things because THEY told me. It took my cousin till she was strangled so bad she passed out and didn't wake up till it was hours later before she would leave him. Believe me those kids are emotionally scared. The 12 year old is overweight and has a very low self esteem even though she is so beautiful! The 8 year old thinks hes a man and acts out for attention constantly.

I know your situation isn't this bad, at least not from what you've said here. But it all started somewhere. If my cousin had left him when it was just pushing and shoving the kids might not have witnessed so much. Unfortunately, drinking is not the only problem for her ex, he's that way sober and off drugs.

and good vibes, and to let you know, I went through it too, 5 years ago. I'm here to talk if you want....

He's getting out on ROR tonight

whats ROR?

Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

He's getting out on ROR tonight

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Oh gosh.....What are you going to do???

I am praying that you and the family are safe....

Released on own recognisense...promise to return to court

You need to..end it. As everyone else has said you will get support. but i remember your move in the first place was to be away from him.

And like someone else stated. Kids are like sponges. and if i recall..wasnt one of your sons having some agression issues? they see this behavior..and think its ok....

I will pray for you and your family

What ever happened here???

How are things? Is he still there and behaving?

Just thinking about this and curious.

Patty