Omg What A Night

Well, it was a normal day at work, long, but normal. I got off work and called my husband to see if he was off work. Well he was at his mothers...DRINKING...I was nice and didnt start any arguement. As some of you may know, he's an alcoholic and we split up because he was drinking heavily and becoming abusive. Well.. he started it again tonight and to make a long story short, he's in jail now for what he did,..Im totally confused, upset, hurt and disappointed all in one. It hurts me that I had to do this tonight but I know in my heart it will never change.....ever so please send me some good vibes to be strong and to make it through this....

Went through this with ten years with my now ex-husband. if you need to talk- there are people here that will listen

All the good vibes in the world for you......

Stay safe ok...and like Hissy said we are all here for you....

I can only imagine you heart must have sank seeing him drinking

As long as you and the cats are ok though, but start putting yourselves first

When I was growing up, my oldest brother was a bad alcoholic. I know how hard it can be. Must be harder when it's your DH.

Sending lots of good vibes your way.

Something i have learned in the past year and a bit.
You cannot help an alcoholic untill they realise their selves what they have become into.
I got my mobile phone cleared so next time my mother is heavily drunk im going to record her and when she is sober i will show her... I think ONLY THEN she will realise how bad the problem is..
I know that sounded extremely harsh but its gotta be done, ive put my own mother into the Cell for the night, and to the psycho hospital..
But you cannot help these people, you have to think about you and take control of your own life
(i hope that made sense?)

I`m so sorry. It must be really hard for you to watch ....but if he is abusive when he is drinking, then that is about the safest place for him, you, and anyone else around him while he`s drunk.
I pray that he will face the issues that cause him to feel the need to anesthetize himself, and deal with them, so that he can stop his drinking.
If he won`t, then I pray that you will find the courage to make sure that you stay safely away from him.
Please do not be afraid to share what you are going through with us here.....just remember...we all have had some kinds of problems in our lives...and we all need to be able to talk about our feelings.
God bless you all.
Linda

I know how rough that is. I divorced an alcoholic, 20 years ago and am now leaving Bill for the same reason.

You can't stop them from messing up their lives but, you CAN keep them from ruining yours.

Good luck, gal.

My heart goes out for you...but you did do the right thing.

I'm so sorry to hear about this....you know that we're all here to listen.

Big hugs go out to you

I'm so sorry to hear about this. My father was an alcoholic though not an abusive one. But I remember losing sleep over all of the hassles of it. The worries that he was driving. I was away in college hearing about this and couldn't do anything about it. My mother never reported him. Thank God, he didn't crash into others and ruin their lives.

So you did the right thing. He needs the consequences of his actions.

Sending you supporting prayers.

Thank you everyone. I didnt get hurt. It was mainly pushing and shoving. I have talked to him a few times this morning and he doesnt remember anything that happened and when I told he started crying and apologized over and over about it. I have to honestly say that I didnt want him to go to jail, just more or less scare him and didnt expect it to go to these extremes. He has a hearing today and 1:30 and I can go there to speak either against or for his behalf. Im debating on going even though I told him I would. Im just SO confused about it all. When he's sober, he would NEVER even raise his voice to me or the children much less a hand. I seriously think it was blown out of proportion specially because my nosey neighbor came out saying he heard it all which is B.S. and I told the police I have never seen or met this neighbor in my life, but what ever he said added fuel to the fire... anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

Thank you everyone. I didnt get hurt. It was mainly pushing and shoving. I have talked to him a few times this morning and he doesnt remember anything that happened and when I told he started crying and apologized over and over about it. I have to honestly say that I didnt want him to go to jail, just more or less scare him and didnt expect it to go to these extremes. He has a hearing today and 1:30 and I can go there to speak either against or for his behalf. Im debating on going even though I told him I would. Im just SO confused about it all. When he's sober, he would NEVER even raise his voice to me or the children much less a hand. I seriously think it was blown out of proportion specially because my nosey neighbor came out saying he heard it all which is B.S. and I told the police I have never seen or met this neighbor in my life, but what ever he said added fuel to the fire... anyone have any advice on what I should do?

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I am so sorry for what you went through. I grew up surrounded by alcoholics, of course everybody just called them drunks and somehow that made it all better. It's scary when they turn violent. I refuse to be around anyone when they drink now and I let them know it.

I know this is harsh but if I were you, I'd go the hearing and speak. Don't speak for him or against him, just tell the judge what happened and let it go from there. If the judge let's him off great, if not then he'll have to pay the price for his drinking and maybe he'll learn his lesson.

The only other piece of advice I have for you is to sit down and have a discussion with him about this. Sorry to say I'd put my foot down and flat out tell him, it's either the alcohol or you, he needs to choose one or the other. If he only become violent when he drinks, then he needs to stop drinking period.

Keep yourself and children safe first, worry about him second. Like everybody else says, you can't help someone who doesn't want help. The only thing you can do is lesson the impact of his drinking on you and your children.

If there was one thing I learned by watching one of my good friends that had an alcoholic husband is don't be an enabler. She wasted so much of her life standing by this awful man. He mercifully last of lung cancer 3 yrs ago and has been seeing the most wonderful man for several months now.
Think carefully on what is best for you and your children.

Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256

I seriously think it was blown out of proportion specially because my nosey neighbor came out saying he heard it all which is B.S. and I told the police I have never seen or met this neighbor in my life, but what ever he said added fuel to the fire... anyone have any advice on what I should do?

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Now it's blown out of proportion? It didn't seem so from your initial post. I think you're softening up because he cried & apologized. It's a cycle. You know that. I agree that if you go, you need to tell it as it happened...no excuses for him. The cycle of abuse will continue if you let it. Making excuses for him and defending him doesn't do either of you any favors. If he suffers no consequences for his actions, he will never change his behavior. If you want him to change his behavior, you have to stop enabling him.

Don't blame the "nosey neighbor"...that nosey neighbor may save your life someday.

Personally, I would go......in the other direction. This man is dangerous- yeah, I know, you think I am wrong. I know from experience I am not. It starts with pushing and it escalates. Don't find yourself like I did, pinned to a wall with a 6'5" drunken monster trying to choke the life right out of you. The next day there will be tears, and flowers and perhaps a box of candy, but tucked in between that candy will be a 12 pack and a bottle of Vodka.

It is a sickness- some people cannot stop, do not want to. Some are full-blown alcoholics, others just miserable inside and out. They want to stay numb, they want to forget, they go into rages, they are mean drunks.

Please get this man out of your life- then tell him to get clean! It took mine 12 years to get to the point where he went into rehab. Today he is a honest businessman with a bit of a wild streak, but no drugs and no alcohol. But god help the women who came into his life after we split up. I am sure he destroyed each and every one of them.

It was "pushing and shoving" this time ( which is bad enough! )but what if it's his fists next time

You say he would never raise his voice let alone his hands to you or the children when sober, but when your hammered like he was anything can happen, and lets face it he couldn't remember anything!.

I am sooo sorry, But I have to say this......

If you are not going to think about yourself...you have to think about your children and your kits......

Childrens minds are like sponges...They retain everything that happenes....and it DOES effect their future relationships and such.......

And cats are just as vulnerable...they can pick up on stuff like that, and the stress can effect them really badly.......

I believe you that hs would never be this way if he was sober....But the point is he is not sober, he is an alchoholic....not a social drinker....an alcoholic..It is a disease.....sometimes it can be cured sometimes it can't....but in anycase you are not trained to cure it, let alone deal w/ it............

In anycase you have lots of friends here....and we will all back you, and support you 200%.....always remember that.......

Praying that you and the family stay safe,
Bridget

*hugs* I'm sorry... and stand firm. You need to do what's best for you.

I went there today and was going to tell the truth. Not defend him or anything. Just the truth and it was postponed until tomorrow at 1:30. His boss showed up with money in hand, ready to bail him out. I didnt say much to him at all. Just waited to see what was going on. It''s been a stressful day because Im getting phone call after phone call from friends and family saying "Fry him". Not that I dont want to see him be punished for this, because I do. I want him to get help more then anything but I can't MAKE him get help. He has to do it on his own. Im not falling for the "jail house love". I know how that works.