my name is mandy. And im actually the daughter of michelle...we're the ones that lost strauss. Straussey the mousey. my mom told me about this web site and suggested that i check it out. Its been two weeks sine strauss passed away. And well, i grew up with her, and its been pretty hard. I've had her since i was six, and now im 20. She was supposed to be around longer. I have no one to really talk to, except my mom, because where i am right now. no one really understands what im going though. ya know, she was "just a cat", so "get over it". i mean, i'll be sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and then i'll suddenly think of something about strauss, like how i'll never get to kiss her nose again, or something, so i'll start crying, or my mood drastically changes and hes like "whats wrong with you?" And then he says the speech "it was her time". well, no. i disagree. i guess im feeling robbed. maybe if this had been a long process, like she was sick for a long time and she was dying i could handle this a little better. but it happened within like 20 something hours, so unexpected. I tried so hard to get her to the city, i drove like crazy, and it was snowing and the roads were bad. but i just didnt care. she kept looking up at me from her basket in the passenger side, and would put her paw up and would meow. and then i would put my hand on her and she would kinda curl up and sleep for a few minutes, and as soon as i would move my hand away she would do it again. paw up, looking at me, and meow. i kept my hand on her the whole way. the awful part, was when i was only two hours into my drive and still had two to go, she started biting at the blanket, and then went still, with one of her teeth stuck in the blankey. i freaked, and pulled over. i was in the middle of nowhere. i tried getting the blanket out of her mouth, but she wouldnt move. she was breathing, but she wasnt moving and her eyes were staring at nothing, and they were starting to glaze over. like a grey layer of skin. and i cried, and i told her over and over to just wait a couple more hours...i sat there for 20 minutes, until i finally told her, just go...if your suffering straussey, just go. its ok...and then she came out of it. and i just gunned it to the city. i drove as fast as i could, i got there in record timing. she wasnt doing very good so as soon as i got in the city i stopped at a gas station to call my mom and tell her i needed to take her to a vet, where is one. she tells me where to go, we both werent really making sense on the phone. when i got back in the car i looked over at strauss, and she had started drooling, so i took off again. i was 15 minutes away. traffic was stupid, i was screaming in my car, crying, looking at strauss, yelling at cars...people who looked over at me probably thought i was crazy. and literally, as i pulled in the vet parking lot, she died. i was there! i had driven 4 hours, made it to my destination and she quits on me, right there. i ran in the vet, frantically crying my cats mouth is foaming!! a girl ran out and brought her in, and two minutes later, another girl brings me into a room and tells me shes gone. i was so mad. it was like a cruel joke. give me hope and then smash it in seconds. they brought strauss in so i could say goodbye and left me alone with her...it was unreal. she died in such an awkward position, and she was stiff and her mouth was kinda open...and i was petting her, and ahh...im getting upset...it was so hard. then i had to call my mom....it was horrible...i've never felt more guilty and helpless in my life...so many "ifs". if i would have done that, or this, would she be alive today? wow, im sorry, i've wrote so much. its just crazy...
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12/24/05 at 1:16pm