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Does it get easier....???

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
On December 15, my dear boy Oliver went to the bridge. He was an indoor kitty, but he always wanted to get out. Somehow, on the 12th or 13th (I am not sure when) he managed to and no one, meaning me, noticed. I didn't notice he wasn't in the house until the about 1030pm on the 13th. I searched the house and outside but I couldn't find him. I couldn't search the way that I wanted to because my husband, who is active duty Army just deployed to Iraq on Dec 1st. I have two little girls to take care of. I put up fliers, I drove around looking for him but when I did find him, it was too late. He was laying dead on the side of a neighbors house. I don't know how he died, he didn't look injured. We took him home and buried him in the backyard. It just hurts so much. He was so sweet, so affectionate, so loving. He didn't deserve to die the way he did. I feel like I let him down when he needed me the most. I hope he is happy now, I hope he forgives me.

Goodbye sweet Oliver! RIP.

post #2 of 16

When they are in our lives, they make such an impact. How can their leaving not impact us more? www.endingpain.info might help you get through the grief.

Does it get easier? In time-
Do you ever forget? No
Do YOU need to be forgiven? Only by yourself.

Be kind to yourself, you will see Oliver again-
post #3 of 16
I lost a kitty that way, too. I had gone through a divorce, and was living with my parents. We were keeping Willy strictly inside. When we noticed he was missing, we searched inside and out. Eventually we found his collar by the side of the road.

I remember feeling that I had let him down. I was so busy with the changes in my life that I felt that I did not provide the care and watchfulness he should have had. However, I know that I truly loved Willy, and we all did try to watch out for him, and keep him inside. Sometimes the little kitties are just to wily for us, and do not let us keep them safe.

I can't imagine your emotional state right now. Missing your husband, worrying about him. And now to lose Oliver.

Please hug your girls for me. I will pray for your heart to heal, and for your dh to stay safe in Iraq, fighting for our freedom. Bless him, and you for staying home and supporting him.

Rest in peace, Oliver. You left too soon, but I know you are over the Rainbow Bridge, chasing butterflies.
post #4 of 16
My heart breaks at your story. I can only imagine the deep sadness you are feeling.
As you know I recently lost my baby girl Rocky........ I know first hand, and literally at the sametime the deep pain your are feeling.
The circumstances are different........ but the pain is the same.

My cats have slipped out a time or two..... leaving me in a panic till I found them. And I am a hypervigilant person when it comes to making sure they don't slip out. It can, and does happen to the best of us.

I pray that you are able to stop beating yourself up. (easier said than done)

Maybe it really does just boil down to, when it is their time to go, it happens from one way or another.

Not to bore you with a long story, but it might help...
I've always had cat proofed yards. Years ago, one of my cat's got out.. ONE TIME and got into a fight. He has all his shots etc. BUT that one fight and he contacted Lukemia, even though he had his shots to prevent it.

SO, all my efforts....... and still........... one time he slips out, and gets it from a fight with neighbor tom cat.
I lost him regardless of all my efforts to control my fears........ of losing my baby.

Looking back, I can only say, it was his time to go.

That of course is hidesight kicking in.

With my recent loss...... I am no where near as "insightful".. I am in the sharp, gut wrenching pain stage of it all.

So yes it gets better... memory reminds me of that. BUT now... so raw, so new.... it seems like it will never get better.
God Bless you and your baby,
xo Donna
post #5 of 16
Tracey, my heart aches with you at this time
I wrote this elsewhere to you but it is never easy to loose a loved one no matter how they pass. I am so sorry this had to happen at this time of the year, with your husband on duty and christmas around the corner I can only imagine your pain right now. Please know you have come to the right place and there will be lots of support here for you should you want it.
Look after yourself & your daughters, give yourself time to grieve for your loved one - he is watching over you and will keep you safe - this I truely believe

sweet Oliver - play in the fields little one, play with the angels and run free. You will be deeply and forever missed and loved

post #6 of 16
Oh, Tracy - Condolences to you & your little girls on this time of loss! It must be so difficult that your husband has been deployed, and now you have lost your dear Oliver. I have to agree with DonnaFay, that sometimes despite all efforts, when they get the CAll from Upstairs, they go. I had an indoor kitty who got terminal throat cancer - I had raised him from about a week old, and he even traveled with my daughters & me all over the state - no way would we leave him alone! Despite the best of vet care and a very sheltered life, he had to be PTS.
So, Oliver may have gone away to die in private, as cats seem to want to do, if he had some undetected health problem (and DON'T feel guilty, because cats hide their ailments very, very thoroughly-it's a survival thing, otherwise if we know they're sick, then predators would know it, too).
I will keep you & your precious girls in my thoughts and prayers. I will pray for comfort & healing so that soon your memories of Oliver will make you smile again, once all the tears are out of the way. And if another kitty in need comes by, maybe your girls could use some comforting headbutts and purrs - it may be that Oliver wouldn't want you to waste a minute of the wonderful "cat love" in your heart, only you will know what is best for you & what Oliver would want. Godspeed over Rainbow Bridge, Oliver; say "hi" to all our other TCS kitties who have passed over there. Someday, Tracy, you will cross over & be greeted by your dear Oliver again.
post #7 of 16
So very sorry to hear this. It does get easier in time, how long varies. Big hugs to you and your daughters.
post #8 of 16
I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you and strenthen you in your grief.
Hats off to your husband. We love him and all those like him who put themselves in harms way for our country. Prayers for all our troops, wherever they are this Christmas. God, let your angels watch over them all and bring them home again safely to their mates and children.
post #9 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for the support not only for Oliver but for my husband in Iraq! I only ever here about the bad things out there, I forgot that there are people out there who actually appreciate what my husband is doing, and therefore what my family is going through right now.

Oliver picked a horrible time to leave me, I was really going to need him this year, he was my buddy, he may have loved me as much as my husband does..lol. I just hope that he is happy now, watching over us and waiting for us.
post #10 of 16
I am so sorry for your loss. These things are never easy, but they are particularly difficult during the holidays.

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time, praying for your husband's safety. Rest assured, there are many people who truly appreciate his service to our country.

Rest in peace, sweet Oliver.
post #11 of 16
I'm so sorry you lossed your precious Oliver. I hope things get better for you. Remember Oliver is happily watching over you and wanting you to be happy. Please take care.
post #12 of 16
Originally Posted by hissy
Does it get easier? In time-
Do you ever forget? No
Do YOU need to be forgiven? Only by yourself.

Be kind to yourself, you will see Oliver again-
truer words were never said. to you during this time
post #13 of 16

This is so incredibly sad. I am so so very sad about your loss. This is a truly difficult time to lose anyone. Or anything for that matter..

He is watching over you. He is. He just wants to see you happy. Greive when you know the time is right. Be thankful about everything he gave to you. The love, the good times, the laughs.

I really hope everything goes ok for you and your family. Im sending my prayers your way this christmas eve.
post #14 of 16
(((Tracy))) I am so sorry for you! What a sad thing to happen! You loved and cared for this sweet kitty! I am praying for you.
post #15 of 16
My heart is with you and your family. I know you'll miss Oliver very much. May your husband come home soon.
post #16 of 16
we try to keep them happy enough to not explore outside the door but nonetheless it happens they do escape. Sometimes a scared little kitten, regardless of age, returns never to venture out again. Some return to venture out again.

and we grieve when they don't return.

I lost King Arthur over 25 years ago and I still grieve, taken while I was away. Princess, Bumper and Horse have crossed the bridge while at home and I miss them as well.

It doesn't get any easier. No it doesn't.
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