I could use some opinions right now

A part of me feels like I'm acting like an ungrateful brat, and the other part of me is very hurt, and then I feel like an ungrateful brat for being hurt.

OK, last evening I went to a Christmas/Holiday party for my building. A while ago, I told one of my neighbours to pliease not get me a gift this year, because I was really strapped for cash this year, and couldn't afford to get gifts for people, but she said, she was going to get me a gift if she wanted, and that was that. She "claims" that I'm a special friend to her and that she loves me like a sister, and I sometimes wonder if that's true, or if I'm just her personal Blockbuster video, because I usually loan her anywhere from 1 to 3 DVD's to watch every week. So, I'm saving her rental fee's, if you know what I mean, and she kind of gets upset with me, if I don't have new movies to lend her each week.

Anyway, last night she demanded that I go to the party, which I finally gave in and did. It was having a pretty good time. Then one of her other friends came, and she told us she would be back, because she was going to go home and get our presents. She comes back with one beautiful gift basket, filled with fruits, jelly's, cheeses, candies, and that sort of thing, and another smaller gift that was wrapped. My gift was the small wrapped package. When I opened it, I found a bottle of V05 Shampoo, and V05 creme rinse, in a package where you buy them together as a deal. The price tag of $1.15 was still on it. Now, I realize that it isn't the price that someone spends on a gift that is important, it's the tought, but to me, it showed me that the thought behind it was to show me how little she valued my friendship, especially compared to how she valued the other person's friendship. To me, it showed little or no thought. I would have rather she would have got me nothing than to show me I wasn't even worth the value of a movie rental, which I save her every week.

Anyway, I feel such mixed emotions about this. Like I said I'm feeling really hurt, but then I feel like I shouldn't be hurt, because I should appreciate the gesture. Would any of you feel the same way? Am I being a brat?

I can understand how you would be hurt. I'm pretty sure I would be too...to me it sounds like she didn't put much thought into what she got you. Just my opinion.

she must have done it to make a point, i have no idea what that point was though?

it wasnt like it was a luxury brand or a gift set.

well, it sounds like you werent that keen on her to start with so see it as a blessing in disguise, you know shes not a real friend now.

Just to put a slighty different perspective on this; you told her that you didn't want to exchange gifts because you couldn't afford to reciprocate.

A thoughtful person, in that situation, may give a very small token gift, just so that she doesn't put you in an awkward situation. I'm not saying that this is the case, but it is possible. My feelings would also be hurt, I think, but not because of the value of the gift, rather that is is a pretty odd thing to give someone.

If you said, no gifts, and she goes ahead and give you something, I don't think you can really complain about how much she spent.

I would be hurt as well Hope, and also would stop lending her DVD's and seeking out her company. And although it is not the price of the gift that matters, she could at least have taken off the price tag and added a hairbrush, some hair ties, and a KISS CD

This type of stuff used to happen to me all the time growing up Hope. And really, don't dwell on it. It makes you a stronger and kinder person overall. And Karma has a way of payback-

Maybe she remembered that you wouldn't be giving her a gift because of financial restraints, and just got you a little something to show she was thinking about you. If she would have gotten the big gift basket, she might have thought you would feel bad for not getting her something? I do agree that it was not the best gift, but maybe that's why.....and I don't think she should have given the other person that big gift in front of you, kinda tacky.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Maybe she remembered that you wouldn't be giving her a gift because of financial restraints, and just got you a little something to show she was thinking about you. If she would have gotten the big gift basket, she might have thought you would feel bad for not getting her something? I do agree that it was not the best gift, but maybe that's why.....and I don't think she should have given the other person that big gift in front of you, kinda tacky.

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women ca be spiteful creatures i dont think anyone would think of v05 shampoo as a good xmas gift unless they had a point to prove!

for the same amount of money i'm sure she could have got hope a small bunch of flowers or an extra special card.

That's true, I mean, do you even USE VO5?

If you happned to be my friend I would have bought you a box of chocolates or something, not cheap shampoo! I would be hurt as well. It seems as though she was trying to make a point.

but at the end of the day, she might have been making a stupid, childish point but at least you have free shampoo! lol

Well, that'd be it for me. I wouldn't lend her the DVD's anymore.

If that were me, I'd be insulted too. I think she's trying to make a point, especially as she gave the other person the huge gift right in front of you. I mean really, cheap shampoo and she leaves the price tag on?!! And she says you're like a sister to her! LOL, can't imagine my sis doing something like that! She's the one with a problem, Hope.

I have to agree here. If she was honouring your request not to have a gift by making it a small one, there are many other more gracious ways of doing that. Certainly you don't leave the price tag on, especially on something that anyone who goes into the shops knows the (small) value of, and certainly you don't give this "token" in public, at the same time as you give a lavish gift to someone else. She can only be "making a point", though beats me what that point might be. She certainly proves how little she values the "friendship".

I'd be hurt, too, Hope, not because of the cost of the gift, but because of the way it is given. I know I couldn't use the gift, even if it were my brand. I think I would find the first opportunity to put that gift in a charity box, so that someone who wouldn't get shampoo otherwise would benefit from her shoddy attitude. Then I would stop "being her private Blockbuster". Her attitude when you don't have something new to lend her, coupled with this stunt, makes it quite clear that you are being used. The $$ involved may not be huge, but it's mean spirited. You don't need "friends" like that.

Well, normally I wouldn't use V05 shampoo. I like a little better quality shampoo to be honest. She's always telling me she loves my hair, maybe that was her reasoning, I don't know. But this little two pack came from a grocery store. I was just hurt that she would do that, and I know that deep down she expects me to get her something now. That is why I think she gave it to me early. Other years I've gone out and picked her up a gift, and she's done something similar, not as bad as a bottle of cheap shampoo and creme rinse. My hair isn't dirty, either. I just don't know why she got that. I honestly don't know why she gave me anything, except that she wants me to go out and get her something, because she knows I'll feel guilty about getting a gift from her without giving one in return. I would be too embarrassed to give someone a bottle of V05 shanpoo though.

Isnt a box of chocolates or a bag of candies always cheaper than shampoo?
I would be much more greatful if i got a box of chocolates! Or some kitty food..

Maybe you really should stop giving her the DVDS, she can use the money on going to block buster!

I tried hard to give her the benefit of the doubt, but yeah, I thought about more it and I agree with everyone here. Even if she was trying to just get you something little, that is a pretty weird gift!

give it back to her if she expects a present! price tag and all.

MAYBE! she got it as a gift, doesnt want it and just gave it to you

Originally Posted by fwan

MAYBE! she got it as a gift, doesnt want it and just gave it to you

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Well if that's a regift, she's got some pretty crappy friends too!