I'm not quite sure what the exact problem is...

Ok here's the situation. Our older cat, Entourage, passed away the Saturday after Thanksgiving. It came as a complete shock to my husband and I. He was only 5 years old, but he had a heart murmur from birth. We were laying in bed and he was laying on my lap. Suddenly he was just...gone. (I'm not gonna get more detailed about it, because it just...really makes me sad, I'm sorry.)

Well after that, our younger cat, Angie, who's about 2, was just heartbroken, she followed me around for a week, meowing all the time (up until then, she was never much of a talker at all, so I knew something was wrong), and she was looking around for Enty a lot. It was just heartbreaking. After a little over a week of that, we decided that maybe it would be best to get another cat, because she was just so lonely, and to be honest, we were a little loney too.

So we got a new baby, a 4 month old male, orange and white. We named him Sherbet. Well Sherbet is a very active little boy, as most kittens are, and right off the bat the two seemed to be getting along fairly well. We didn't even have to separate them for a night. We tried keeping them apart for a couple hours, but they kept trying to meet. There was not one hiss, and as crazy as it sounds, they were actually cuddling the first night. We gave Angie a lot of extra attention so she wouldn't feel slighted by the newcomer, and we thought things would be fine, and for the most part, they are.

But here's the problem. Angie is totally letting Sherbet walk all over her. If she's eating, and he tries to eat her food, she just lets him. If I toss a toy out for her, and Sherbet goes after it, she just backs off and lets him have it. She's just being really passive and that's totally not like her. When Entourage was around, she wouldn't take that kind of stuff. The other thing that's not quite right is that she's not being as affectionate towards me as she was before. I don't know quite how to explain it but she's just acting...kinda slow and she seems a little sad.

I guess my question is really, should I be worried about this? Do I just need to give it more time? Or is there a way I can sort of teach her to not be such a doormat?

Hello! OK, my prediction is that your resident kitty is still kind of grieving about the other kitty that died. I am so sorry about your loss. Losing a cat is like losing a family member, and it's really hard for everyone. Especially your resident cat.

I think Angie is just letting Sherbert do these things because she's sad about the other kitty, and hasnt quite figured out what to do about the whole situation. She still loves you. Just give her lots of attention and love to let her know she's still wanted. Sherbert will help with the grieving process for Angie.

Angie is just sad. And has to have some time for Sherbert to become her new friend. Maybe she's just letting him have all those things because she wants him to know what her life is like, and how to handle it.

That's all the info my own mind could think of. Good luck!

This sounds to me (a non-expert) as if Angie is taking on a mother cat role toward Sherbet. That's how our momma cat (now spayed) acted with the kittens she had. In my humble opinion, if she's still eating enough, I wouldn't be concerned, but you should call your vet if she stops eating!! I think she's concerned about him and that's why she's not as much into you. Does that make sense?

Originally Posted by lilleah878

Hello! OK, my prediction is that your resident kitty is still kind of grieving about the other kitty that died. I am so sorry about your loss. Losing a cat is like losing a family member, and it's really hard for everyone. Especially your resident cat.

I think Angie is just letting Sherbert do these things because she's sad about the other kitty, and hasnt quite figured out what to do about the whole situation. She still loves you. Just give her lots of attention and love to let her know she's still wanted. Sherbert will help with the grieving process for Angie.

Angie is just sad. And has to have some time for Sherbert to become her new friend. Maybe she's just letting him have all those things because she wants him to know what her life is like, and how to handle it.

That's all the info my own mind could think of. Good luck!

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Thanks.

Did we do the right thing by getting another cat? We were a little worried that it was too soon. Part of the reason we made the decision to get another cat so soon was that we're leaving for a couple days over Christmas, and I just couldn't leave her all alone.

Originally Posted by kluchetta

This sounds to me (a non-expert) as if Angie is taking on a mother cat role toward Sherbet. That's how our momma cat (now spayed) acted with the kittens she had. In my humble opinion, if she's still eating enough, I wouldn't be concerned, but you should call your vet if she stops eating!! I think she's concerned about him and that's why she's not as much into you. Does that make sense?

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Yeah, that makes sense too. I have been watching her closely to make sure she's eating, and I've even started to take her in a different room, shut the door, and feed her by herself.

She was spayed when we got her, she was 6 months old. Do they still do the mothering thing when they're spayed?

In some cases it might be a bad idea but in yours it seems like everything thing is working out well. I think you made the right decision. I wouldn't leave them completely alone when you leave. Are you planning to have someone come and check up on them a few times?

Yes they can still act motherly when they are spayed. Males can even act motherly sometimes hehe

I totally agree with getting another kitty after losing one. I think it was a great idea, and the fact that you are leaving over christmas, I think will help tremendously for the new kitties to become more aquainted with each other.

It's not too soon. Your lost kitty will never be forgotten, but Angie will soon learn that there can be happiness again.

It will all be ok. Dont worry. Leaving Angie alone over that time, may have been sad for her. All alone. But now she's got a friend. That will help. Lots. And the fact that they cuddle already, is SOOO cute. Angie is letting Sherbert into her life as a GOOD thing. I brought a new kitten into my home about 3 weeks ago, and just TODAY they are starting to get along. Starting to get along is a bit exxagerated....they are still fighting, just not as bad as they did in the beginning.

I think that if they were cuddling the first night that wasn't too soon for Angie! I've heard that too about male cats. I guess it's somewhat instinct, not just hormones.

Whenever I get a new cat, they establish a new eating order. They will eat in the same order every time. I can't change that, but I do sometimes put out an extra bowl so they can eat at the same time.

My old cats also act less friendly toward me for a while. I have to give them extra attention, and they usually go back to normal, but not always.

I am sorry for your loss, and I hope all of your family, including the cats, have a very nice holiday season.

Originally Posted by Jen

In some cases it might be a bad idea but in yours it seems like everything thing is working out well. I think you made the right decision. I wouldn't leave them completely alone when you leave. Are you planning to have someone come and check up on them a few times?

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We have a couple friends that I'm sure will stop by a few times and check in on them. We're leaving on the 24th and coming back on the 26th, so they won't be alone too long. I really do feel better about leaving now that she has some company though.

Originally Posted by kluchetta

This sounds to me (a non-expert) as if Angie is taking on a mother cat role toward Sherbet. That's how our momma cat (now spayed) acted with the kittens she had. In my humble opinion, if she's still eating enough, I wouldn't be concerned, but you should call your vet if she stops eating!! I think she's concerned about him and that's why she's not as much into you. Does that make sense?

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I agree, I was going to say that I thought she knows he's a kitten and giving him the limelight, so to speak. Once they settle in, I'm sure the pecking order will be back in affect.
Also, I'm sorry for the loss of your baby.

She may be in a mother role, but also it may be that Sherbert is going to be your Alpha cat and htere is nothing you can do about it. My Dushka who always ruled the roost as an only cat, let first Ellie and then Persil walk all over her, eat her food etc. Ellie has kept her alpha role since then and I haven't noticed the new boys challenging her for it yet. But they all seem content with their places.

first, i have to say sorry for your lost! i had lost my cat a few summers ago, and decided not to get a cat after that. i paid extra attention to my cat Jay cuz Tilky(RIP!) was his buddy. they knew each other for 4 years and Jay was sad.

i did end up getting a new kitten about a month after Tilky's death. although Jay was a few years older, they still bonded quite easily. i do think Jay still misses Tilky, but he loves our new kitty Colter.

Colter was also a "push-over" and to this day, he still is the first one to the food bowl. now he shares, but back then he wouldnt share with any of the other cats!

i think my point(sorry i kinda rambled!) was that you shouldn't worry. in the end, your two kitties will love each other!

I'm so sorry about your sweet boy... but what a blessing that he was right there with you when it happened. I was holding our Chavela when she passed, too, and I'm so grateful for that. The last thing Entourage was aware of was being cradled by your warmth, and that's the best a kitty can hope for.