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Wracked with guilt

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
Sunday I made the decision to put my cat to sleep. I rushed him to the vet because he was crying and in obvious pain. They had to fully sedate him to even do the exam. It was determined that he could not urinate at all (his bladder would have eventually burst) and he would die without treatment. He had a 50/50% chance of recovering, chances are it would happen again and damage may have already been done to his organs. He was 10 years old. We would be looking at $800.00+ for a 3 day stay. The vet said that the first 3 cats that she ever treated with the same thing as Max, all died. I have been so sad ever since I made the decision and feel so guilty that I did not try and save him. Everyone is telling me that I did the right thing but it sure does not feel like it.
Max was born to a feral Mom and although he and his litter mates were so young they were already very wild. I kept him and bottle fed him for a few months. This cat was so mean to me and I believe that in ways he hated me. He would wait under my bed and night and then attack me as I walked by. He did some pretty painful damage to my legs. After I had him for a year I told my family that I could not take it any longer and would take him down and put him to sleep. I knew that no one would want him because of his behavior. The doctor that neutered him said that he was the worse cat he had ever worked on. Anyway my family wanted me to give him another chance. After time he actually mellowed a bit. We could never pet him with our hands but for some reason he allowed us to pet him with our feet. He was also a cat that one dared not to try and pick up.
The last few years he has been such a sweet cat and we actually grew to love on another. I had to quickly take everything into consideration and one was the fact that he would have hated for me to leave him there for three days. They would have had to insert a catheter, and keep him on fluids and antibiotics. I feel like I let him down and I miss him so much. Has anyone else had this problem with their cat did they survive and what was their quality of life. Anyway thanks for listening. Camille
post #2 of 17
Camille, I'm so incredibly sorry you lost your darling Max. The two of you had established such a close relationship, and this much be so very painful for you. Please do not blame yourself, as this will only cause you more pain. Your dear friend, Max, knows you made this most difficult decision to unselfishly remove him from the terrible illness. He is so happy and healthy now in Heaven.
post #3 of 17
Camille you DID THE RIGHT THING. Trust me, I work with ferals all the time, and I would have done the same thing you did. I don't know if that makes you feel better or not, but blame is part of the path to grief. You can get help with your grief at www.endingpain.info
post #4 of 17
Oh Camille It was a hard decission you had to make but one that Max would have thanked you for because you refused to see him suffer

He's not suffering anymore because he's well over the bridge now where he's met new friends to play with until he see's you again

RIP Max have fun with your new friends
post #5 of 17
Camille, You did the right thing. You made a decision that was in his best intrests. He was not uncomfortable, in pain, or distess for any more time than neccesary. You knew him best, and made the best decision for him. May Max forever RIP
post #6 of 17
You absolutely did the right thing. I'm so sorry for your loss. RIP Max.
post #7 of 17
please dont feel guilty, you did the right thing.

remember, we're all here for you if you need to talk or vent
post #8 of 17
You were his "mommy" and it is always up to mommy to do the right thing. Sweetheart, you did the right thing. If your baby was crying and in such pain, why would you have subjected him to more pain?

You did the right thing. You gave him love, food, shelter, warmth, playtimes, happiness, and in the end, you gave him peace and painlessness.

You did the right thing.
post #9 of 17
You did the right thing for your baby!
Part of being a responsible pet owner is choosing to end their suffering as much as it hurts us to do so.
RIP sweet angel!
post #10 of 17
I am so sorry for your loss of Max. I have known several ferals in my time, and I do believe that things are different for them. Had he stayed at the vets office for 3 days, he would have been terrified the entire time. He would not easily adjust to taking medications or having a catheter. No cat likes those things, but at least tame kitties know people are good. Ferals usually keep that fear of people, especially strangers.

I think you made the best decision for your cat, with the help of a good vet.

Condolences on the loss of a fine companion. I am so happy that your family encouraged you to give him more time when he was young, and that you allowed him to relax at his own pace. He had many happy years with you, and now he is free, over the Rainbow Bridge. (I am sorry he didn't have more time here, and that it all happened so suddenly! )

Rest in peace, Max. I know now that you are in heaven, you truly understand that Camille was always there for you. You will no longer feel fear or pain. Please watch over the ferals over the bridge who never knew the love of a good person, or had a warm bed at night.
post #11 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your kind, healing words. They mean so much to me! I wanted to bring him home but because of it being winter I opted for a communal cremation. His ashes will be spread somewhere nice. I was able to stay with him as they administered the drug so he was not alone. I kissed his cheek, told him that I loved him and said that I was sorry. I told my girls that they needed to say good-bye before we left just in case he was not able to come home with me. I would post a picture if I could figure out how. Again thank you one and all. Camille
post #12 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by seoulmom
Thank you all for your kind, healing words. They mean so much to me! I wanted to bring him home but because of it being winter I opted for a communal cremation. His ashes will be spread somewhere nice. I was able to stay with him as they administered the drug so he was not alone. I kissed his cheek, told him that I loved him and said that I was sorry. I told my girls that they needed to say good-bye before we left just in case he was not able to come home with me. I would post a picture if I could figure out how. Again thank you one and all. Camille
I know it's so extremely difficult to get over it, and to not feel bad, but everybody is saying you did the right thing and that many people would not lie to you just to make you feel better. You were an awesome and brave Mommy to him, and I'm sure he is very thankful for that and is very happy that he is out of pain and not crying anymore! Wouldn't you think so?

Anyways, if you want to post a pic.......first of all, do you have a photobucket account or something like that online? If not, it's easy to just become a member. IMO it's easier to post a pic with photobucket because you can just copy/paste the image code. We would love to see pics of your dear Max, if you post some......

Best Wishes, I do hope you don't feel too guilty, it is totally NOT your fault or anybody's fault he was so sick. Please feel better soon. Max loves you always, I know it, and you know it in your heart.
post #13 of 17
I am so sorry Camille! You did the right thing. I recently had to euthanize my version of your Max - oh the scars that he left on me in the 9 years he lived with me! The decision is not simply a medical choice when you deal with ferals. A huge part is their emotional ability to handle all the invasive procedures that comes with them being ill. It sounds like Max wouldn't have wanted that. You chose to love him on his terms and you released him on his terms. That is the most unselfish act you could have done for him!!

Guilt is a natural reaction to grief. I hope that you can get beyond that and recognize that you gave Max the best possible life that he could hope for - including your decision to help him over the bridge.

post #14 of 17
Condolences on your loss of Max. There was no easy way out for him, with that condition. You gave him what is probably one of the best gifts a friend can give - an easy, pain-free passing. It took great courage to let go, knowing that you put his needs over yours. I have kidney trouble and know first hand the agony, despite medical treatments, and when my cats have urinary trouble, I've opted to ease their suffering even though my heart is breaking to do it. Rest in peace, Max.
post #15 of 17
I also think you did the right thing for your baby! He is at peace now, and he loves you. I am praying for you. I know this is sad.
post #16 of 17
You sound like such a sweet and loving person, I'm sure you did the right thing for your little Max. The day will come when you'll be able to remember all the good times without so much sorrow for his loss. I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #17 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by seoulmom
Thank you all for your kind, healing words. They mean so much to me! I wanted to bring him home but because of it being winter I opted for a communal cremation. His ashes will be spread somewhere nice. I was able to stay with him as they administered the drug so he was not alone. I kissed his cheek, told him that I loved him and said that I was sorry. I told my girls that they needed to say good-bye before we left just in case he was not able to come home with me. I would post a picture if I could figure out how. Again thank you one and all. Camille
he knows now that he's at the bridge, if he didn't before, that you did it for him, to save him pain. to you at this time - you did do the right thing, like everyone else said. i'm glad you were able to be with him - that way he felt your love right till the end i think you made a good decision for his cremains, too.
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