Who shares their home with kids and animals?

menagerie mama · Dec 12, 2005

Originally Posted by Kiwideus

I am so sorry. I just went and read the thread and part of me is wondering if he is using the pets as an excuse to treat you like that? The things he said were completely heartless. Methinks something else is going on with him.

You are in my thoughts

Hmmm....I've thought about the same thing, but in the past, I have tried analyzing WHY a guy treats me the way he does, like trying to figure out well, is he scared by the relationship or something else is bothering him, etc...and basically making excuses for his behavior, but this time I'm not analyzing anything! If he has a problem and doesn't know how to tell me after things have been so good, then he can....well, I won't say out loud what he can do, I'll let you "insert rude comment here."

menagerie mama · Dec 12, 2005

Originally Posted by fwan

Could it be that he might decide to get back with the mother of kayla?? and the pets are just an excuse???
Because a friend of mine is actually in a similar situation as you are

Highly doubtful, he all but hates her, I don't think that's it.

jane_vernon · Dec 12, 2005

I'm so sorry - You must be heartbroken right now!

Just take consolation in the fact that all your animals love you for who you are and will always be there for you - Gather all your babies and give them a huge hug!!

And please remember that everyone here on TCS is there for you as well!!

emb_78 · Dec 12, 2005

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Hmmm....I've thought about the same thing, but in the past, I have tried analyzing WHY a guy treats me the way he does, like trying to figure out well, is he scared by the relationship or something else is bothering him, etc...and basically making excuses for his behavior, but this time I'm not analyzing anything! If he has a problem and doesn't know how to tell me after things have been so good, then he can....well, I won't say out loud what he can do, I'll let you "insert rude comment here."

Good for you Shannon!!!

yosemite · Dec 12, 2005

Shannon my heart goes out to you as I know you are hurting. BUT, this is not the man for you. I would also question the real reason his other relationships failed. All you know is what he told you and there are always 2 sides to every story. Considering his actions with you, I would be skeptical of his account of having dated "psychos" before you. Perhaps he is the one with the major problem and after you've had time to heal you will probably see more clearly other things that he may have said and done that you didn't notice.

Personally, I think you are lucky to be out of this relationship and there is someone out there waiting for you and your beautiful animals.

KitEKats4Eva! · Dec 12, 2005

Shannon, you poor thing. I really feel for you. This must be incredibly devastating, doubly so because you felt that you had really crossed a hurdle after last time and things were looking up.

I do have to say, and agree with everyone else here, though, that you did the right thing. And I'm SO glad it was you who did it, and not Mark punishing you for having too many animals. IMO there is no such thing as too many animals.

I'll tell you a little story. I see a psychiatrist for my Bipolar disorder, and I said to her last week that having the two puppies was a bit full on in terms of work and responsibility, but that I wouldn't have it any other way because they bring such joy to my life. She said, `I'm the wrong person to talk to about animals. I have 46.' She has 46 pets!! 10 species of bird, five (pregnant) guinea pigs, two dogs, four cats and a rabbit. She thinks they are amazing for mental health and stability, and called them `meaningful potter'.

If one of Western Australia's most experienced, respected and knowledgeable psychiatrists can only talk about the good that animals do, then I need no further convincing, not that I did anyway.

Mark, it seems to me, has now got a bee in his bonnet about animals - not just yours, but animals in general. And because he sounded like something of an unreasonable person from what I've read before, I think he is partly having a little tantrum because you didn't bow to his commands and get rid of your animals when he wanted you to. You stood up to him, and I think he is trying to punish you for that. You did the absolute best thing you could have done by not allowing him to do that, and standing up to him again.

And you must know, that this does not seem like it will ever be resolved. He is always going to give you a hard time for the slightest things with the animals, and it will just make you miserable.

I know it is so hard, but you have made the right decision. This would have only got worse. One of the most important things in any relationship is that you have fundamentally similar views on the things that are most important to you. You two do not see eye to eye on this. And his views towards animals in general leave me somewhat speechless. He sounds like he really has the blinkers on. And honey, you should never, ever have to stay with someone who speaks to you like that, insults you and says such nasty things. That's just not on.

Lots of hugs to you with what you're going through, but you did the right thing here.

touro1979 · Dec 12, 2005

sounds like a real jerk, good ridance. I would never date anyone that didnt LOVE animals. Mere tolerance is not enough There are plenty of guys out there that love animals even though we do get some crap for liking cats. I have been made fun of on several occasions (more in jest) for liking cats but to hell with old stereotypes. Men who love animals and cats do exist and I am sure you will find one someday.

ricalynn · Dec 12, 2005

Shannon, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time of it right now

When it first blows up on you it does feel as if the world is crumbling about you, but I promise it will get better.

I just wanna point out a couple things I saw that might make you feel a little better about it (and if it doesn't, you're free to tell me to get bent!)

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

and if I can't see that there's something wrong with that, and if I don't downsize my animals, I have no business raising kids.....The next morning I woke up, cried a little more, was ignored by Mark, got my stuff and left. I haven't heard from him since.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. Who is he, after such a short time, to tell you if or how you should be raising children??? Does he have issues??? You BET! and you're better off steering clear of them.

I came home and thought about how much I loved him, how many plans we made and all the things we did together. My heart is broken and continues to break more with each hour that passes. I can't believe he would throw away what we had over this.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've been together three months?

(don't remember exactly) Frankly, that's not long enough to be making plans together. I know it feels like forever, but in the grand scheme of things, you didn't really know each other, and when he showed his true colors, you were right to hightail it outta there!

From what he's told me, he has had nothing but bad luck with relationships, I mean, he dated some psychos, and our relationship was almost perfect,

. . .and now you're just the latest in that long line of "psychos" - at least that's what he'll tell his next soon-to-be-ex; the psycho pet-lover who lived in piles of dung and hair. Not true, we all know this, but that'll be his version, dimes to dollars. His other ex's probably weren't half as crazy as he is.

I know I made the right decision. I'm just hurting so bad right now. . . why couldn't he just accept me and my animals for what we are?

Because he can't, and that's that. I am so glad you understand you've made the right decision, and we all know that you are hurting, but we're here for you, and we'll listen

Vent away!!

cheeseface · Dec 12, 2005

I went to catch up on that thread. Sorry to hear that Shannon.

I think everyone has a limit and Mark must have a smaller limit than you, so unfortunately, that may mean you're not a match. If that's what you have to come to grips with you're better off in the long run. You need to find someone who can handle it like you do.

deb25 · Dec 12, 2005

I have merged the 2 threads into one. It was hard to run back into the Lounge and find the other thread.

I am very sorry that this all ended so suddenly. I also agree that Mark seems to have a hidden agenda here and almost sounds like he was trying to pick a fight over this issue.

menagerie mama · Dec 12, 2005

RicaLynn said:
. . .and now you're just the latest in that long line of "psychos" - at least that's what he'll tell his next soon-to-be-ex; the psycho pet-lover who lived in piles of dung and hair. Not true, we all know this, but that'll be his version, dimes to dollars. His other ex's probably weren't half as crazy as he is.QUOTE]
The dung and hair thing really made me crack up...thanks!

katachtig · Dec 12, 2005

Shannon,

I'm so sorry. It is always so hard when things don't work out the way we imagine. I think you are better off because it sounds like a control issue. How much would you be willing to give up for him?

It hurts right now, but it will get better. Hang in there.

Jana

menagerie mama · Dec 12, 2005

Originally Posted by Deb25

I have merged the 2 threads into one. It was hard to run back into the Lounge and find the other thread.

I am very sorry that this all ended so suddenly. I also agree that Mark seems to have a hidden agenda here and almost sounds like he was trying to pick a fight over this issue.

That's ok, I was wondering where it went. Thanks for everyone's kind words....I'm ALMOST feeling better...

marie-p · Dec 13, 2005

I meant to reply to this thread yesterday but I didn't. Oops.
Feeling any better today?

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! I remember you first telling us about your relationship and I was really hoping it would work out for you. But it seems like he was determined to not make it work.

But I'm really happy that you were strong enough to stick to what is important to you instead of trying to change to fit into his expectations. Even if in the short run it meant getting hurt, I'm sure in the long run it's the best thing to do.

Until then, take good care of yourself

snuggle with your kitties and puppies and spoil yourself a little. I know when I was going through my last breakup, whenever I felt miserable, I would curl up in bed and watch a good movie (preferably one with a really cute actor

) and cry. If I had had cats back then, I would have snuggled them to death.

turtlecat · Dec 13, 2005

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

From what he's told me, he has had nothing but bad luck with relationships, I mean, he dated some psychos, and our relationship was almost perfect, and he's letting it go because I have too many animals????

Have you ever wondered if all those "psychos" ...weren't?

kiwideus · Dec 13, 2005

Originally Posted by turtlecat

Have you ever wondered if all those "psychos" ...weren't?

Thats what I was thinking. You know how some people break up with others and paint them in the worst possible picture. He might meet someone else and say that you were a psycho. He is not even worth worrying about dear, just focus on your life and move on.

snosrap5 · Dec 13, 2005

Originally Posted by turtlecat

Have you ever wondered if all those "psychos" ...weren't?

I have to agree with that!! This guy has some serious issues!!

Shannon keep your head up!!

This man has problems. I think he is an emotional abuser and a manipulator. I know this hurts now but he is bad news. He might love his daughter but I think he will eventually control everything she does. Honestly thats not love.
Take care of yourself and your babies!!

menagerie mama · Dec 13, 2005

Wallowing here in my piles of dung and hair, I realize I am actually relieved that it's over. I don't know why, but I haven't cried since Monday morning. Mostly I am sad at the idea of yet another failed relationship, especially when things were going so well besides this problem. BUT, I realize that he does have a control issue, looking back on it, I guess I can pick out other instances where I didn't realize it before but now I see it. I am so happy here with my kitties and doggies, taking time for myself. I hope to find someone who shares my love for animals, but never will anyone make me choose them over my animals!

lionessrampant · Dec 13, 2005

I'm so sorry that you're feeling low....but this guy needs a big slap upside the head! If he can't accept your menagerie, then he's not fully accepting you and you deserve better than that! Pretty soon, some animal lover who loves the whol kit and kaboodle...chihuahua turds and all...will come along and sweep you off your feet and you'll wonder why you ever bothered with someone so low that he would dare put down your animals!

menagerie mama · Dec 13, 2005

Originally Posted by lionessrampant

chihuahua turds and all...

If I was drinking milk it would have come out my nose!

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