I have a male kitten at the same age (he just hit the 4-month-mark this weekend), and I think I can understand a bit where you are coming from. They are naughty at that age, aren't they ? I never had a kitten before, and as much as I was driven to exhaustion this weekend, lifting him off and out of places saying "no, the dustbin is not a good hiding place", he is still the sweetest cat ever. I could never hit him or deliberatly scare him with a water bottle. I don't even like to clap to tell him off, especially as we use clapping to tell him it's play-time. I just lift him off (or out) and tell him "no". It does work after a while. Allthough this weekend he decided that "no" is something to be completley ignored. I guess it's a phase he will grow out of. All Teenagers rebel and no longer understand that word.
Some of the things you have written though, do bother me. A cat isn't a dog, and they will jump on the furniture (allthough they may learn not to do it while you are around). They can't be trained like a dog (it takes much more patience and positive encouragement). They do what they want, they just train you to think it's what you wanted them to do in the first place
What's the problem with him watching you when you eat ? If he is sitting on the table while he does that, I can understand, but you can teach him not to jump on the table while you are eating? If he sits on the floor, just ignore him (yes the scars on your lower legs will eventually heal...) ? Or just send him out the room before you start eating, instead of making it stressful and sending him out later because you don't like him watching? Cats at that age must be where the saying "curiosity killed the cat" comes from. They just love to watch what you do and need to be involved all the time. Getting in your way, and taking the socks back out the drawer, just after you put them all in....
I have had an exhausting weekend with my cat as well. I tried to do the big pre-xmas clean.... I gave up after 2 rooms, as the cat helping wasn't making it a very successful event
But he is also soooo funny. The kind of faces kitten can make and the energy they have and the stuff they do is really adorable. And even after a whole day of saying "no", the best thing is, when he curls up next to me in bed and purrs so loud, that he keeps me awake for another half hour !
Give it another month, and really think hard what you want from a pet. A cat might just not be ideal, if you need obedience and a quiet life, at least not until he is much older. In the meantime, try to chill out. What is bothering you so much about him jumping on the table (while you are not eating) ? Cats don't carry much more germs than humans, and you can always clean the table before you lay it ? Once you stop trying to keep him off it, he probably wont bother jumping on it anymore anyway. At the moment he thinks it's a game, and cats (just like children) just like to do the stuff they aren't allowed to do. I have noticed my cat doesn't like tablecloths. That's another way to keep them off (but don't be annoyed if he keeps pulling it down for a couple of days... it takes a while for them to realize that it's slippery, and not an aid to pull himself up).
Try and put some of the energy wasted on scaring him into playing with him. It's more fun and he will be too exhausted to be naughty. It worked wonders for me this weekend. I chased him through the whole house for 30 mins, and he was sleeping long enough after that, so I could clean the kitchen floor. (playing with the cat was much more fun, but he had enough
so, put the water bottle away, get the camomile tea out and relax. Be patient, make sure you are consistent (don't allow him to do something until he annoys you, he is either allowed to do it or not), and just think, he will grow out of it - eventually. One day, when he is old and lazy, you will look back and think "can you remember when he used to drive us nuts doing xxx ?"