Hi, Sunlion. I wish we could take away your pain, and anger, and love, and hate, and your desire to have him come back and get counseling, and your need for revenge, etc., etc. These are some of the things I went through after my husband and I separated. I remember telling you I used to take a nap every chance I could, because I didn't have to think while I was sleeping. My emotions ran the gamut, but, like you, I had children, teenagers and a four year old. I felt awkward, the third wheel, so I stayed home most of the time. Sound familiar?
We all go through stages, and you're in the most painful one. "This too shall pass." The best advice I got was not to let him think you're needy. Think of yourself. I first earned a promotion at work, but then decided to go back to college. Gradually, I realized that, although we still loved one another, we would not live together again. It wasn't a happy ending, but he's been here for every birthday party, every Sunday to mow the grass, and, when I was in the hospital and during my recovery at home, came out every morning before work to take care of the animals and see what I needed. Ours is an unusual situation; I know that. However, the important thing is that there is not an awkward situation every time at Christmas or other family days. Try to be friendly, but not needy. If you love him, as I did and do love my husband, this will be tough. Try to find time for some college classes, or an adult art course at the high school. Let people befriend you. So what if you're the third wheel? That was my biggest mistake. And, if you believe, turn to God. He will never abandon you. God bless you. Jeanie