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Girlfriend doesn't like my cat... Advice? - Page 2

post #31 of 49
I'm sorry, that's a difficult situation.

I have to agree with those who've pointed out that it may be a control issue, and/or a moving stress problem.

As a person whose household includes both cats and dogs, I can tell you right off the bat that if she's so easily frustrated by a cat who sounds like he's an angel walking on earth, I would really have concerns about her being able to put up with a dog.

A puppy or unruly dog can be far more destructive than any cat. Training a dog takes lots of time and patience, and even the best-trained dogs can have occasional lapses when they're all wound up and won't listen. They're living creatures, not robots.

And cats can be trained - the approach is just different from traditional dog training (which by the way is being quickly replaced by clicker training as both a more effective and more humane training method).

Check out this link that has a video of a clicker-trained cat doing agility:

Perhaps you might want to show her that site, or consider getting a book on clicker-training for your cat, and see if she might be interested in getting involved in training him? Perhaps if she's willing to try, she might have fun with it and end up bonding with him? Or you could try it (and have fun with him yourself), and hopefully see her opinion of cats improve as your cat learns some fun tricks.

*edit* sorry, I missed your post because I was typing this incredibly long-winded one
post #32 of 49
Love your attitude to work with her and kitty on this

As far as sitting goes, I wish I could train mine. My Dad has a kitty that will do a high five. I know that some members have actually trained the kitty to use the toliet.
post #33 of 49
Originally Posted by MightyMouse39
Incidentally, a few have said things that indicate to me they think she's being mean about this - she's not. She's very upset that she's having trouble accepting the cat and the whole suggestion that she's not sure she can deal with him has been completely on her part - that is, she's not saying you get rid of the cat because he..., she's saying I don't like it when...
That's good to know!
post #34 of 49
Originally Posted by Big-Cat-Fan
Sorry to all of you dog lovers out there but ...YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKES DOGS BUT NOT CATS??
Does she not realize that dogs are dirtier than cats. Not only that but they destroy a whole lot more than a cat ever would. You have to bath a dog....ewwwww
They stink like @#!@ when they are wet and they demand so much more of your attention!!!
trust me ... it's not the cat she has a problem with. Like the others said ... she has a problem with something else and I think you need to sit down and have a "chat" with her.
Be BOLD and take up for your little furbaby (whom Im sure understands and feels whats going on)
Your cat loves you and needs you!!
Talk to her and tell her whats up!!


I so have to agree with sarah!!
It sounds like she is giving the cat the blame when ther is something else...
post #35 of 49
I'm more of a dog person too, except when it comes to my own cats.
post #36 of 49
My wife was not what you would call a cat person when we first got together. But she accepted my cats, and we have had cats in our home ever since. In fact, Molly and Megan were more her aquisitions than mine. She complains about cat hair on the furniture, but I know that she would no sooner get rid of either cat than get rid of me.
If you two truly love each other, you'll find a solution that will benefit both you and your cat. Gotta believe in love, man. It's powerful stuff!
post #37 of 49
Originally Posted by evnshawn
Just my opinion, and you can take it for what it's worth, but since she lived with the cat for several months before you moved, unless his behavior has changed, likely her problem is not really about the cat. Especially considering the stress levels she's having.

It sounds like a control issue to me. Perhaps she feels out of control after the move. I'm not sure how to go about fixing it, though.

I agree 100%. The root of her behavior has nothing to do with your kitty, rather it's those items or belongings that we subliminally focus on to "push buttons" of those we love when there's a dysfunction in communication at hand. Dig deeper, find the true issue, and keep the kitty at all costs.
post #38 of 49
Originally Posted by MightyMouse39
On another note, anyone else taught their cat how to sit? It's the craziest thing. I noticed that when I held a treat over his head one day, it made him put his back end down (since he was shifting his weight backwards to look at the treat). So I started saying "sit" and making him do that every time. Now, if I say "sit", treat or not, he plops his back end down. Just like a dog. Bizarre!
Yup! You sound like a prime candidate for clicker-training. I am learning at the moment how to become an obedience trainer for dogs, using this method, but it's one I have been using on my cats and dogs for years.

It's pretty darn amazing, if you ask me, and your cat sounds very much like he's a willing participant. Check out


And there was another site mentioned earlier, that I also use for resources.

Sunday couldn't care less about anything except sleeping and cuddles (and dinner) so I haven't had a lot of luck with her, but Sashka can sit, spin, kiss, touch things with her nose on command, lie down, shake hands, speak and roll over. It's WAY cool, and it's a great training method because you shape their behaviours to do what THEY want, so they have the time of their lives, learning.

Good luck! (With the GF, too...lol)
post #39 of 49
Originally Posted by MightyMouse39
A) Kitty isn't going anywhere. He (Joe) has been part of my life for a while now and will not be abandoned simply because my girlfriend has coping issues.
Yay good man

Originally Posted by MightyMouse39
If the relationship ends over this, well, I am of the opinion that it just wasn't meant to be.
And if it does we have plenty of hot babes here on the site
post #40 of 49
And if it does we have plenty of hot babes here on the site
A shameless self-promotion Susan - you have a beau. Leave him alone !
post #41 of 49
Originally Posted by MightyMouse39
I have a situation. My girlfriend and I have been together coming up on 2 years, and recently moved 800 miles away from our homes to start a new life in another state.

Our relationship is generally wonderful. There is one issue, though. My cat, who I've had for 3.5 years.

We lived together for several months before moving (with my cat), so she was exposed to him as an animal that she lived with, and seemed to be okay with it. She always had a few issues with cats not being quite as trainable as dogs, but it was certainly never a big deal.

Since we've moved, it's gotten a lot worse. She loves him when he's being good and docile, but like all animals, he's not good sometimes. The rule is that he's not allowed on the furniture or tables, or in the bedroom.

As I said, though, sometimes he's not good. Sometimes he gets on the sofas or chairs. We had a brief issue with him clawing at the carpet near the bedroom door trying to get in, so we taped over it and he doesn't do it anymore. That doesn't keep my girlfriend from waking up in the middle of the night thinking she hears him, though.

This is a stressful thing for her. She worries about it constantly. She claims he's not trainable at all, though he's actually the most trainable cat I've ever seen, in that we've been able to train him to usually stay off the furniture, even when we're not there. She's gotten to the point where she's saying she may not be able to live with him.

I simply don't understand this perspective, as I'm very tolerant and he doesn't worry me in the slightest. I've tried very hard to be sympathetic, though, and have bent over backwards to try and fix things (if it were up to me, he could get into every room and on every piece of furniture in the house). I'm coming to the end of the things I can do, though, as no cat will be good 100% of the time.

Any suggestions? Yes, everything should have been spelled out before we moved, but I didn't know it was a problem at the time, and here were are now.

Easy, she is a girlfriend, not a wife. Get rid of her and keep the cat.
post #42 of 49
Originally Posted by captiva
A shameless self-promotion Susan - you have a beau. Leave him alone !
Ooops i nearly forgot! Minus me then
post #43 of 49
ahahaa! you girls are wild!
post #44 of 49
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by rosiemac
And if it does we have plenty of hot babes here on the site
Waiiit.. Are you hitting on me?

Originally Posted by captiva
Leave him alone !
...and now you guys are fighting over me?!

I stumbled on the right site!

Again, thanks everyone for the discussion/advice. I'm a little interested in that clicker training just for grins, but my time is pretty limited now so I suppose I'll put it off until I've got some more free time. Interesting, though - my cat is pretty smart so I'm sure he'd pick up on it quickly.

Funny trait he picked up: when I left to go to San Francisco for a week, he learned that by hitting the big green button on my answering machine, he could get my voice to come out of it. The girl I had checking on him said it freaked her out when she came in once and heard my voice coming from inside.
post #45 of 49
That's one REALLY smart cat!
post #46 of 49
Get rid of the girlfriend!!!!!
post #47 of 49
Originally Posted by captiva
A shameless self-promotion Susan - you have a beau. Leave him alone !

I knew it! It was just a matter of time before the Thread Vixens would surface...I knew it!
post #48 of 49
I got rid of quite a few boyfriends who didn't like my animals. They really had to go!Then I met my husband (who knew nothing about cats only dogs). He really liked my cats and my the pony I had then. When we got married we were given a blue Burmese rescue cat and ever since then have had cats. He loves my two Brits. if he didn't then he would have to go.
PS:He also likes my pony.
post #49 of 49
Originally Posted by sashacat421
I knew it! It was just a matter of time before the Thread Vixens would surface...I knew it!
Poor bloke hasn't been here 5 minutes and look at the impression were giving him

Don't leave though were harmless really
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