Girlfriend doesn't like my cat... Advice?

nekomimi

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I think it's a bit demanding to expect a cat to stay off of furniture. They are climbing creatures, and on top of that, like to be close to their owners.

Off the kitchen table and counters? Maybe. Try using clear packaging tape on the surface if you want to keep the kitty off of these.

You might want to consider getting a cat tree (i'm going to try to make one I think) to keep your kitty busy.
 

big-cat-fan

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Sorry to all of you dog lovers out there but ...YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKES DOGS BUT NOT CATS??
Does she not realize that dogs are dirtier than cats. Not only that but they destroy a whole lot more than a cat ever would. You have to bath a dog....ewwwww
They stink like @#!@ when they are wet and they demand so much more of your attention!!!
trust me ... it's not the cat she has a problem with. Like the others said ... she has a problem with something else and I think you need to sit down and have a "chat" with her.
Be BOLD and take up for your little furbaby (whom Im sure understands and feels whats going on)
Your cat loves you and needs you!!

Talk to her and tell her whats up!!

~SARAH~
 

mirinae

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To my way of thinking (and hey, I'm just a random stranger on the Internet, so take it with a grain of salt!), your girlfriend might be overreacting a tad to the cat's behaviour, with a bit of an irrational amount of anxiety thrown in. You say she wakes up in the middle of the night because she thinks she can hear the cat clawing at the carpet, and that suggests to me that she is overly concerned about this issue. It's possible that the cat isn't really the problem at all, but that moving in together (in a place that belongs to both of you, instead of just to you alone) has brought up anxiety issues that were easier for her to ignore when she was just living with you in your place. She might feel that you place more importance on the cat than on her, or she might feel like she is more responsible for this place because it's hers too and she doesn't want bad things to happen to it. (I had similar problems when I lived with friends who owned a dog. The dog was very destructive, and it was my name on the lease, not my friends', so it would be my butt on the line if the dog actually destroyed anything in the apartment.)

Regardless, you need to talk to your girlfriend. It's her home, too, as well as the cat's home, so you need to find some compromise that will (hopefully) make everyone happy and relieve her anxieties. I wish you luck--it's not a fun situation to be in!
 

valanhb

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In reading this thread, I'm also thinking she has control issues, but not with the cat. Those expectations are very unrealistic for any animal, but especially a cat who has been with you (without these insane rules) for longer than she has been around. It seems to me that she could very well be testing you, and seeing just how much control she has over you. No, the request hasn't come yet for you to choose her over the cat, but I would expect that it's coming.

Why now as opposed to the 8 months she lived with you before? Because before it was your place, and you were surrounded by your own friends and family who may have told you if she was overstepping the normal girlfriend boundaries and expectations.
 

big-cat-fan

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Originally Posted by valanhb

In reading this thread, I'm also thinking she has control issues, but not with the cat. Those expectations are very unrealistic for any animal, but especially a cat who has been with you (without these insane rules) for longer than she has been around. It seems to me that she could very well be testing you, and seeing just how much control she has over you. No, the request hasn't come yet for you to choose her over the cat, but I would expect that it's coming.

Why now as opposed to the 8 months she lived with you before? Because before it was your place, and you were surrounded by your own friends and family who may have told you if she was overstepping the normal girlfriend boundaries and expectations.
Uhhhhhh your good!!!
 

mom2salemisis

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Im also in the "love me love my cats" circle. My husband is allergic to animals (of any kind) but we both have a soft spot for them so what did he do?? Allergy shot! he gets one once a week. He would never make me get rid of my cats or the dogs and I would never even suggest that he get rid of his horses. Theres no way that would even cross our minds. Yes we both have different ideas about where each animal belongs yes we both have different ideas about how to treat our animals we also have 4 kids and we deal withthe animal situationjust like we do the kids. WE TALK! communication is so very important. If you are having a problem with her talk to her about it. I also think that her problem lies deeper than you cat and that there is something els going on in her mind that is the reason she is acting like this. IMO
 

nekomimi

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Agreed. You should definitely talk this through. Even if it does end up as an argument, you can at least get some things off of your chest. Let her know how important your friend is to you. Your cat is a part of your life, and it's not something you should just give up because your girlfriend has issues.
 

carolpetunia

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Luvs2Be's analysis sounds right on target to me, and it's analogous to what my brother has gone through with his wife. Without telling the whole story, let me say this:

If indeed your girlfriend has an obsessive need to be in control of everything around her... and I do say IF, because we can't diagnose her here... but IF that's the case, then you should consider the relationship very carefully. As you said, if she feels this way about your cat, she could feel this way about a future dog... and about a child... and ultimately about you, as well. That's the case with my brother's wife (they live separately now, but that does little to alleviate his misery), and it is a horrific situation, especially for their son.

It may well be that your girlfriend is a perfectly normal person who just doesn't like cat hair, and if that's the case, I'm sure you can work with her to overcome her aversion. But if something deeper is going on -- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, for example -- you should try to get to the bottom of it before you marry or start a family together.

Good luck!
 

captiva

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You poor guy.
You just came here for cat advice and look at what has happened.
We pride ourselves on being a friendly site , so I hope our well intended advice has not scared you away forever. I did find a site that has a little alarm thing for training purposes if this will help ease her mind at all.

The sensor picks up the slightest vibration to the surface that it is on.

An audible alarm scares away the cats and alerts you to the problem. The alarm will sound for 2 seconds and then it will automatically reset itself. The sensitivity can be set on either high or low. Replaceable 9-volt battery included.
Of course it could go off all night long until any training period is over
 
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mightymouse39

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Hey guys -

Nope, not scared away at all. Been a bit wrapped up in my work so I haven't been checking the thread


As some clarification:

A) Kitty isn't going anywhere. He (Joe) has been part of my life for a while now and will not be abandoned simply because my girlfriend has coping issues. The poor guy sits in a corner and gets depressed if I leave for a couple days, so he and I are both pretty attached
. I'm not looking for a way to keep the cat, I'm looking for a way to keep the girlfriend.

B) The training is pretty much done. Always needs refreshers, of course, but he is already trained to stay off of counters/tables/furniture. I appreciate the training suggestions but they've been done already and have worked fairly effectively. The issue is simply that cats will be cats and they are not obedient 100% of the time.

I appreciate all the suggestions and discussion from everyone. I'm going to keep talking to her and keep an open dialogue going - at least she's telling me that it bothers her and not keeping it bottled up. Incidentally, a few have said things that indicate to me they think she's being mean about this - she's not. She's very upset that she's having trouble accepting the cat and the whole suggestion that she's not sure she can deal with him has been completely on her part - that is, she's not saying you get rid of the cat because he..., she's saying I don't like it when... So, that's positive - at least she's not angry at me for having the cat or the cat for just existing.

If the relationship ends over this, well, I am of the opinion that it just wasn't meant to be. Either there were other issues, or she just doesn't like animals and that's not right for me anyway.

Thanks for all the advice!

On another note, anyone else taught their cat how to sit? It's the craziest thing. I noticed that when I held a treat over his head one day, it made him put his back end down (since he was shifting his weight backwards to look at the treat). So I started saying "sit" and making him do that every time. Now, if I say "sit", treat or not, he plops his back end down. Just like a dog. Bizarre!
 

tuxedokitties

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I'm sorry, that's a difficult situation.


I have to agree with those who've pointed out that it may be a control issue, and/or a moving stress problem.

As a person whose household includes both cats and dogs, I can tell you right off the bat that if she's so easily frustrated by a cat who sounds like he's an angel walking on earth, I would really have concerns about her being able to put up with a dog.

A puppy or unruly dog can be far more destructive than any cat. Training a dog takes lots of time and patience, and even the best-trained dogs can have occasional lapses when they're all wound up and won't listen. They're living creatures, not robots.

And cats can be trained - the approach is just different from traditional dog training (which by the way is being quickly replaced by clicker training as both a more effective and more humane training method).

Check out this link that has a video of a clicker-trained cat doing agility:
http://www.clickertraining.com/training/cats/


Perhaps you might want to show her that site, or consider getting a book on clicker-training for your cat, and see if she might be interested in getting involved in training him? Perhaps if she's willing to try, she might have fun with it and end up bonding with him? Or you could try it (and have fun with him yourself), and hopefully see her opinion of cats improve as your cat learns some fun tricks.

*edit* sorry, I missed your post because I was typing this incredibly long-winded one
 

captiva

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Love your attitude to work with her and kitty on this


As far as sitting goes, I wish I could train mine. My Dad has a kitty that will do a high five. I know that some members have actually trained the kitty to use the toliet.
 

purr

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Originally Posted by MightyMouse39

Incidentally, a few have said things that indicate to me they think she's being mean about this - she's not. She's very upset that she's having trouble accepting the cat and the whole suggestion that she's not sure she can deal with him has been completely on her part - that is, she's not saying you get rid of the cat because he..., she's saying I don't like it when...
That's good to know!
 

fwan

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Originally Posted by Big-Cat-Fan

Sorry to all of you dog lovers out there but ...YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKES DOGS BUT NOT CATS??
Does she not realize that dogs are dirtier than cats. Not only that but they destroy a whole lot more than a cat ever would. You have to bath a dog....ewwwww
They stink like @#!@ when they are wet and they demand so much more of your attention!!!
trust me ... it's not the cat she has a problem with. Like the others said ... she has a problem with something else and I think you need to sit down and have a "chat" with her.
Be BOLD and take up for your little furbaby (whom Im sure understands and feels whats going on)
Your cat loves you and needs you!!

Talk to her and tell her whats up!!

~SARAH~
I so have to agree with sarah!!
It sounds like she is giving the cat the blame when ther is something else...
 

purr

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I'm more of a dog person too, except when it comes to my own cats.
 

jdpesz

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My wife was not what you would call a cat person when we first got together. But she accepted my cats, and we have had cats in our home ever since. In fact, Molly and Megan were more her aquisitions than mine. She complains about cat hair on the furniture, but I know that she would no sooner get rid of either cat than get rid of me.
If you two truly love each other, you'll find a solution that will benefit both you and your cat. Gotta believe in love, man. It's powerful stuff!
 

sashacat421

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Originally Posted by evnshawn

Just my opinion, and you can take it for what it's worth, but since she lived with the cat for several months before you moved, unless his behavior has changed, likely her problem is not really about the cat. Especially considering the stress levels she's having.

It sounds like a control issue to me. Perhaps she feels out of control after the move. I'm not sure how to go about fixing it, though.
I agree 100%. The root of her behavior has nothing to do with your kitty, rather it's those items or belongings that we subliminally focus on to "push buttons" of those we love when there's a dysfunction in communication at hand. Dig deeper, find the true issue, and keep the kitty at all costs.
 

KitEKats4Eva!

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Originally Posted by MightyMouse39

On another note, anyone else taught their cat how to sit? It's the craziest thing. I noticed that when I held a treat over his head one day, it made him put his back end down (since he was shifting his weight backwards to look at the treat). So I started saying "sit" and making him do that every time. Now, if I say "sit", treat or not, he plops his back end down. Just like a dog. Bizarre!
Yup! You sound like a prime candidate for clicker-training. I am learning at the moment how to become an obedience trainer for dogs, using this method, but it's one I have been using on my cats and dogs for years.

It's pretty darn amazing, if you ask me, and your cat sounds very much like he's a willing participant. Check out

www.clickertraining.com

And there was another site mentioned earlier, that I also use for resources.

Sunday couldn't care less about anything except sleeping and cuddles (and dinner) so I haven't had a lot of luck with her, but Sashka can sit, spin, kiss, touch things with her nose on command, lie down, shake hands, speak and roll over. It's WAY cool, and it's a great training method because you shape their behaviours to do what THEY want, so they have the time of their lives, learning.

Good luck! (With the GF, too...lol)
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by MightyMouse39

A) Kitty isn't going anywhere. He (Joe) has been part of my life for a while now and will not be abandoned simply because my girlfriend has coping issues.
Yay good man


Originally Posted by MightyMouse39

If the relationship ends over this, well, I am of the opinion that it just wasn't meant to be.
And if it does we have plenty of hot babes here on the site
 

captiva

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And if it does we have plenty of hot babes here on the site
A shameless self-promotion
Susan - you have a beau. Leave him alone !
 
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