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Really bad, but it does make you smile

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny pink elephant . I mean, what in the world is this?

(you're gonna love this)

(its a real treat)


(wait for it)

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".
post #2 of 22
lol that wasn't so bad
post #3 of 22
:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
post #4 of 22
I've heard that before, and I think its really funny!!!!
post #5 of 22
post #6 of 22
I loved it!.. I know another one:

A man took his horse to the vet because birds kept making nests in his mane. The vet was an old-timer who knew all the old fashioned remedies. Just put some yeast in his mane; that'll stop them. The man looked at him in disbelief, but when he got home, he looked around to make sure no one was looking, then rubbed yeast in the horse's mane. It worked. And do you know what the moral of this story is?

I liked the built in suspense, so I'll borrow it. (The word is steal)

You're almost there!

Scroll just a bit farther.

Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet!
post #7 of 22
A scientist was, finally, able to clone a human being. Unfortunately, the clone had the foulest mouth, on Earth. The scientist couldn't figure out what to do with this potty-mouth. At last, he decided to push the clone, off a cliff. He was, promptly, arrested. The charge: making an obscene clone fall!
post #8 of 22
GROAN You know the greatest compliment you can give a punner is a very loud groan. I LOVE PUNS. The only people who don't like them are those who can't make them. That's a quote from a famous author, but I can't remember who it was.
post #9 of 22
American in Mexico

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"
post #10 of 22
The tourist in Mexico one was good! lol
post #11 of 22
:LOL: good ones!!
post #12 of 22
Knock knock...........
post #13 of 22
Who's there?
post #14 of 22
I don't know.......It's YOUR door - open it up and find out!
post #15 of 22

You know, timewise, that has to be about the world's slowest joke! Wha'd it take, like, 3 hours?
post #16 of 22
:tounge2: :tounge2:
post #17 of 22
Proud mom and spoiled little Shelley were on a tour of the White House. There was quite a long line to sign the guest book, so Shelley, used to getting her way, pushed ahead of Sister Mary Grace, of the order of St. Bartholemew. Mother, eager to prove that her daughter had been taught mannerly behavior, called ahead to her rude little girl, "Wait till the nun signs, Shelley!"
post #18 of 22
Joe entered the pet store to buy a kitten, as his wife had asked. He wandered around, trying to make up his mind, and noticed a very unusual animal. He had never seen anything like it in his life. He tried to choose a kitten, but kept returning to the other animal. "What do you call that animal?" he asked the proprietor, "and how much is it?"
"Oh, I can't sell that. That's a rarie, the rarest animal on earth. It's priceless." The man continued to look at kittens, but he couldn't hold back any longer. "I'll give you $2000 for it."
The dickering went up and up until the shop owner sold him the rarie for $5,000. Joe took the animal home where his wife took one look and told him to get that creature out of the house--now!!!!!
Joe took the rarie back to the store. "Are you kidding? Take it back? I've been trying to get rid of that monstrosity for months. I couldn't give it away!" Joe, not knowing what else to do, went to the dump and asked the manager if he could rent his services. The two men got in the truck, put the rarie in the back, and drove to suicide cliff. There the manager backed the truck up to the edge, and then just sat there, looking down. "Well, said Joe," aren't you going to dump it?"
The dump truck driver looked at him and the two looked over the cliff. Then he answered, "It's a long way to tip a rarie."

(You may now groan.)
post #19 of 22
Oh Jeanie..I am sooooooooooooo groaning - in between snickering!
post #20 of 22
My daughter just e-mailed this to me, so I'm not responsible;

As you know Mahatma Ghandi, the great holy man, spent most of his time barefoot. As a result, he developed some impressive calluses. In addition, he ate very little, was on an unusual diet, and was quite frail. This combination gave him bad breath.

This is so bad, it's good.

So, he was: A super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
post #21 of 22
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Jeanie G.
A super callused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
ROTFLMAO. That is hilarious!
post #22 of 22
First, chop a big hole, in the ice. Next, place a ring of peas, around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea - kick him in the ice hole!
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