My girlfriend is wants to get married!!!

There's no rush to get married. Take your time and be as sure as you can before you do it... because UNDOING it is astonishingly difficult and painful, even under the best and most amicable of circumstances.

I don't know how old you are or what your situation is... but I'm a firm believer that couples should live together before marrying. And it's not about sex -- it's about knowing each other 24 hours a day, maintaining a household together, going through the daily frustrations of life together... having a chance to find out whether you love each other, or are just IN love, romantically. Do you know what I mean? One is the basis for a lifetime... the other is the basis for six months, a year, maybe even two... but not forever.

Others here are right in saying that great marriages have been made in a matter of days or weeks or months... but those are the exceptions. Also, someone rightly pointed out that being married doesn't keep people together. In fact, it's the other way around: you get married because you already KNOW you intend to stay together.

All good wishes, whatever you decide!

I met and married my husband after 8 months and we lasted 18 years, but if you don't feel ready don't do it because you both should have the same feelings not just one of you.

And i'm with CarolPetunia on living together first because my mum always used to say you never get to know someone until you live with them and not a truer word was spoken

I need to add that after reading "she thinks she's going to lose me", there sounds to be a bit of insecurity there with her

Originally Posted by Siberian Tiger

I madly in Love with her. But we have not been together long enough.

Have any of you jumped into a marriage to soon?

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Do NOT get married until you are ready too, otherwise, it will turn out badly. No offense but i think this is one of the reasons that we have such a high divorce rate in our country. People simply do not allow enough time to get to truly know each other before jumping into marriage. Although on the other hand there are people who have known each other two weeks, get married and are together for life. When you know it's right, you know. But until then, wait....

well that sounds familiar...... See, I'm on the same side of the situation as your girlfriend is. I've been with my other half for about 3-4 years but I've only lived with him for the last 5 months. I would love nothing more in the world than to have that commitment from him - but he's very much opposed to the idea at the moment. Or at least that the impression I get. But if you've only been dating for 3 months I don't think that's appropriate. May I ask how old you both are? Do you live together? If you're having doubts, then it's not right- you both have to be 110% certain that this is what you want - and she'll just have to learn to accept that, just like I have. or rather in my case, I don't think it's a case of accepting, more giving up.

My father proposed to my mother after 2 months and they were actually married three days later due to circumstances involving tne royal air force. But they were together for 20 years before it finally broke down.

Still... I can honestly say that as a woman in the same place - I know how she feels, but I think I can understand where you're coming from too. That is a tough place to be - if you say no, she'll feel rejected. If you say yes, you'll be denying yourself the truth. Damned if you do, damned if you don't - but my advice is, don't. Don't get married just because it's something that she wants. Get married one day because she's someone you can't live without and you know for certain that this is where you want to be. she'll get over it. Eventually.

If you're lucky enough to meet someone who is everything you want, you would know and want to marry her. Maybe you're just not THAT into her? I mean, I love that book, and it works for guys too. It says that all the fear will leave when you know it's the right one. I'm not saying she isn't, but you don't really know yet.

There are marriages that people have to work to keep--that people stay in because it's what they're used to, are scared to leave, or don't know that it could be better. Then there are marriages in which a natural pairing occurs; marriages that are happy and nearly effortless, where they are more than just husband and wife. Some people just fit together better. You can decide which marriage you want.

It sounds like she doesn't really want to get married, but rather wants a promise of commitment from you. Maybe she's been betrayed before and thinks being engaged will keep it from happening again. You should get her a promise ring!

If it feels right and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman then GO FOR IT!!

I'm glad to see a lot of people advising to live together first. My mom is totally against the idea of me sharing a bed/household with a man that I don't have a commitment (marriage) to. This has deffinatly caused major tension between her and by boyfriend and it's hard because I feel like I have to chose between the 2, it's been about 2 years but I've finally found an even balance. It's my choice, my life, but I still love her and hope that one day she'll come around.

I agree with living together first. What's more wrong, living together or getting divorced later? Plus, if you live together and want to get married eventually, two incomes and one rent, electric, cable, etc, payment makes for a nice savings in the meantime! It sorta sucks for me in my relationship. I pay out over $1,000 to maintain my duplex that I rent, and I'm always over at my boyfriend's house! I'm gonna have to change that soon! No fair!
I guess I typed too soon before thinking straight earlier. I forgot (it's been a while since I was married) that you have to put deposits down on stuff when getting married, so I guess maybe I just advise living together before getting engaged. And, some people give promise rings, not just high schoolers anymore, but a nice diamond (or whatever her favorite stone is) ring that symbolizes your love and commitment, but not an engagement, just a hint of a promise towards one, given everything works out. Just don't let her believe it's an engagement ring, like when you give it to her, make sure she knows what it is before you show it to her, or she might get her hopes up thinking it's an engagement ring and if she's disappointed, you're in for a world of hurt!

The thing is, people who live together, also end up getting divorced. There is something about legality that seems to change a relationship. I just don't understand the NEED people have to get married. You can be just as committed without that piece of paper that forces you to share your belongings and money to someone, as you can with it. No need to ruin your life by making that commitment.

We been talking about this a lot over the past few days. We decided to hold off on this. I am not ready. She is being insecure right now. She just has not had very good luck what so ever in the past in relationships. I also have not had too many long relationships. So that is why I got some anxiety over this. But we are okay with it. I am going to wait abit on this and I am goining to give a romantic purposal to her at a perfect time.