My girlfriend is wants to get married!!!

I madly in Love with her. But we have not been together long enough. Have any of you jumped into a marriage to soon?

She is willing to be patient with me. But she really really wants to get married. She thinks she is going to lose me. But I reassure her all the time that is NOT going happen. Just shocked because we have not been going very long at all. Probably just about 3 months.

What is long enough? Only you can know that. My parents married after only three months of knowing each other and have had a pretty good marriage for 63 years! On the other hand a friend of mine got married after living with her guy for 5 years and they divorced after another two years. I think it depends on what kind of person you are - do you fall in and out of love easily, how many relationships have you had, can you be sure that this one is different? ANd all that goes for her too. And above all, are you good friends and compatible, as well as being in love? Are there things you would like to change in each other, things that irritate you? They only get worse after the wedding, believe me! Good luck whatever you do.

LOL i was together with a guy for two years and was engaged for not even two months!!
its seriously up to you!

Oh boy..that is a difficult situation. I would just say don't worry about the time that has past just go with your gut instinct..if it feels too soon than it must be for you. Just go at your own pace

Originally Posted by jennyranson

What is long enough? Only you can know that. My parents married after only three months of knowing each other and have had a pretty good marriage for 63 years! On the other hand a friend of mine got married after living with her guy for 5 years and they divorced after another two years. I think it depends on what kind of person you are - do you fall in and out of love easily, how many relationships have you had, can you be sure that this one is different? ANd all that goes for her too. And above all, are you good friends and compatible, as well as being in love? Are there things you would like to change in each other, things that irritate you? They only get worse after the wedding, believe me! Good luck whatever you do.

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Given the situation I'm in right now, I'd say wait a little longer, or at least you could just get engaged. You don't always see every side of a person right away, and they show you their good side at first, not the bad sides you may not want to deal with later. It takes a while to plan a wedding, if you're having a traditional one, so if you do love her, get engaged and take it from there. Set the date for next year, and then you have more time to figure her out. You can always call off an engagement, well, even a marriage for that matter, but it's better sooner than later. I was with my ex husband 4 years before we got married, and he changed AFTER the wedding. We were together 6 years total. I thought the guy I am with for 10 weeks now was the one I want to marry, and I still do, but we just hit a bump in the road and if he continues his beliefs, I may think otherwise. Good luck!

If you're not ready then dont do it...i went into a marriage out of "pressure" and thought ohh it will work out but it didnt. If she really loves you then she will respect your wishes and get married when you both feel comfortable! Its so easy to get married, but when you get divorced- it can be a nightmare! Trust your instinct!

I think I'd be a little put off if my DH had told me that he wanted to get married after only being together three months. It really is all up to you. Everyone has a different story, set of beliefs, etc. I think you've been given some good advice here. Getting married is much easier than getting a divorce. A friend just went through one and it was a yucky experience.

As far as getting engaged though, I'd take that pretty serious too. If your girlfriend is like I was, money went into planning our wedding straight off. I mean if you want a traditional wedding you sometimes have to book reception halls a year in advance for a good date and the deposit for it can be +$500, at least mine was! Not to mentions how much invitations and dresses cost. These were things that needed to be taken care of early. I had 9 months to plan my wedding and I had all thoes things about 6 weeks or so into our engagement. Just food for thought for you I guess.

First of all, I don't think getting married is going to stop anyone from losing anyone. All you have to do is get divorced. Personally, I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't believe in Marriage. In my opinion the only reason to get married is if you are planning on having children. I don't like the idea of working hard for something and then be told I have to share it equally with someone else. I also think marriage is an easy way to ruin a good relationship. I've made the mistake twice. I'll never do it again.

So, I think anytime a person gets married is too soon. By the way, I'm not meaning this as an insult to the happily married people on here. This is just my opinion on the institution.

Well...I don't think I could convince anyone that 12 years was rushing in too soon. (It did take him a few months to talk me into it, though. Hope, I was previously like you and didn't think I wanted to get married at all. I have to say, though, that now that I'm in it it's wonderful!)

But my parents knew each other for two weeks before they got engaged, and have been happily married for 38 years.

I don't think there's a standard that applies to everyone. 12 years was just right for us...2 weeks was just right for my parents. If the time is right you'll know. Just the fact that you've posted this here leads me to believe that you aren't sure, so the time is probably not right for you.

Originally Posted by Siberian Tiger

She is willing to be patient with me. But she really really wants to get married. She thinks she is going to lose me. But I reassure her all the time that is NOT going happen. Just shocked because we have not been going very long at all. Probably just about 3 months.

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Best thing go with what you feel is right!!!! theres is no guide line on love but only you will know what is best deep down inside ...I believe in marrige but sometimes that piece of paper cant hold onto someone...im not legally married and have been with the same person for 12 years so far ...think things through go with what u feel is right ..best wishes to both of you!!!

I think that if you think it is too soon, it is. Ask her about why she thinks she's losing you. It would be a good idea to get these issues aired out before marriage. If you do decide to get married make sure you get premarital counseling. Wait six months before tying the knot and get the counseling. You will learn so much about each other and you won't have the added stress of newly married life and all the responsibilities that come with it.

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

First of all, I don't think getting married is going to stop anyone from losing anyone. All you have to do is get divorced.

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It sounds like your g-friend has some security issues that she needs to work out! Maybe she would consider Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue, or some other self-help book/ lifestyle changes to help her ponder her feelings about your relationship. I agree with the others - my parents married 56 years ago after a 2 months courtship. My former husband & I (who had been friends since 4th grade) lived together for 3 years, stayed married for 5, and then were separated when he was killed. So who knows the affairs of the heart? - best to just trust your instincts on this one.

By the smilie you used for the opening thread and the content, you're both obviously not ready. How are you going to tell her "No."?

I have to agree with the post above. If you aren't jumping up and down about it, then you need to wait.

My dad proposed to my mom after 2 weeks.

She made him wait a year, during which he took the opportunity to take a big short-term job to make some $$ to buy a house and lose 100 pounds, but sure enough they got married and never fought once.

It took my dad dying of a heart attack to separate them, more than 30 years after they were married.

It's all about who you are, how well you compromise, and how well you love (not just be "in love") with another person that dictates if it's right. Infatuation and sexual attraction fades. Real love stays forever.

Oh yeah by the way, I wasn't jumping up and down to marry my hubby, either. Tee-Totally wanted to stay single and self-reliant, or at least keep my options open. Two years later, I can't imagine being without him. He's my absolute best friend, ever.

Look, I think if you both share the same vision in life, values, and truly enjoy each other's company as companions, not necessarily sex partners, then absolutely go for it. Life is too short. You have no idea what it brings. Be happy!!

I think the obvious answer is not to if you're not comfortable with it. Explain to her that you would rather have a lifelong commitment than to rush into marriage and if you plan on spending your lives together then you have plenty of time to get married. If you're comfortable with it, maybe try living together first (if you're not already). It will give you a really good feel for what the rest of your lives will be like. I really don't think that 3 months is enough time to be together before marriage, it may work for some people but those people both have to be willing to work everything and anything out. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, living together for 1 year but being that I'm a college student there are a lot of major changes that are going to occur over the next couple of years. What kinds of things are you guys going to have to deal with in your near future? And will your be able to survive through it? Over-all tell her you love her but you're honestly not ready for marriage yet. Maybe explain that you'd like to make that your goal together and to work towards it, not rush into it. Good luck!

Originally Posted by HopeHacker

First of all, I don't think getting married is going to stop anyone from losing anyone. All you have to do is get divorced. Personally, I know I'm in the minority here, but I just don't believe in Marriage. In my opinion the only reason to get married is if you are planning on having children. I don't like the idea of working hard for something and then be told I have to share it equally with someone else. I also think marriage is an easy way to ruin a good relationship. I've made the mistake twice. I'll never do it again.

So, I think anytime a person gets married is too soon. By the way, I'm not meaning this as an insult to the happily married people on here. This is just my opinion on the institution.

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Unless it's to Paul Stanley of course, right?