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no jobs, more stress

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Hi Everyone,

Just curious as to if there is anyone in here that have boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife that lost their job and how long they have been or were without it?

I'm wondering how you couped with it during this time? My boyfriend and I live together and last May he had to quit his job for medical reasons. By July he was back and ready to interview, and has been going on one interview after another since. He's to the point now that he'll take any job (such as Office Max retail), but even that has proven to be impossible. Lately he's been really depressed and has been moody. Has anyone else's significant other reached this point? What did you do? I'm trying to keep positive for him, but when he gets moody then it makes me crabby too!

post #2 of 15
I don't have experience with this but I'll send vibes and prayers for him to get hired soon.
post #3 of 15
I feel your pain. My fiance was the same way when he was looking for work. and Now I am kinda the same. But I am working PT and doing home buisness work..so its not as bad.

Steve was very moody..but..we worked through it. and talked about it ALOT...and he knew he souldnt be snapping at me. and I knew he was only snapping due to stress.
post #4 of 15
This is the story of my life right now lol! My boyfriend just recently graduated from a auto technical school, and since the car industry is so horrible it's proving to be impossible for him to find a job in that field. This is deffinatly causing some tension since we also live together like you do and bills must be paid! My boyfriend has been searching for 3-4 months and continues to go back to his home town every weekend to work at his old job. Being that I live in Michigan the weather's starting to get bad and I don't like the idea of him driving back and forth all the time. It seems like your boyfriend is doing a little more to find a job then mine is though so I would try to be as patient with him as possible, even though it's difficult. I think that as long as he's not sitting around is looking for a job then he's doing pretty good. Has he had any job offers at all and just hasn't taken them? Then I would be frustrated because sometimes you just have to take the crappy jobs to get you by until you can find a better job.
post #5 of 15
Oh yea I forgot to mention to be aware that it's going to be the underlying cause of many, many fights and to try to break down the fights until you can understand exactly what aspect is cause you to fight.
post #6 of 15
Not this experience exactly, but last year, I lost my job suddenly (illegally fired) and I had hit rock bottom with very, very little money coming in, I had to skip meals. I stayed in bed for a few days. One thing that sort of brought me back to life again was getting a cat--I vowed that I would never let her go hungry--which forced me to look much harder for work than I had been.

I was very cranky and irritable. I was frustrated, and I had lost all my self-esteem. I can understand what your boyfriend is going through. Does your boyfriend have a hobby or engage in any free time activities? I started to go for a walk everyday to be by myself and to clear my head a bit. I only chose three days a week to actively job hunt because any more than that would just cause me more stress I didn't need. Idleness gives you time to think and then gives you more of a reason to be stressed out and snap at people.

Maybe the best way would be to leave him to it and let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about it. Give him oodles of encouragement and support, but not over the top.
post #7 of 15
Actually, I'm the partner without work at the moment. I'm irritable - even I can admit that - and it's getting really depressing now. I've been out of work for about 3 months, and finding work here for me is damned near impossible. I volunteer at a loval cat shelter now, and I've found my calling in life. I was made for that work. But volunteering ain' gunna put the bread on the table, so I intend to build my own boarding cattery and then expand to a rescue as well after a few years. Sometimes the best way isn't always the easiest way, but it's what I really really want to do, then the hard way it is.

Try and suggest that he volunteers somewhere - charity organisations are always screaming for help - and perhaps it would be something he finds he loves, and can possibly also find paid work through.

Good luck and give him a hug from us
post #8 of 15
I am sorry to hear of your situation and wish your partner all the best in finding something soon

I lost my job at the end of July - it really hit me and I did start to feel depressed, especially going to agencies to register and then go for interviews. It was hard because it was so soon after the bombings on the London transport system, yet I had to use it each time I went to look for a job.

Anyway, I did finally get a job that I started on 26th September.... But all I can say is, the few months that I was out of work were awful really. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to pay my bills and mortgage. I also ate loads and put on weight.

post #9 of 15
my fiance moved to oregon and was sopposed to have transferd over but when he got to oregon they told him they had over hired. so he was let go he went on many interviews and never got hired that lasted about 2 weeks beforfe he went crazy and then he called back to houston and could get his job back over here..so we moved here and i quit my job there and am now over here and i dont have a job. i dont mind it tho cuz i go to school
post #10 of 15
My boyfriend was out of work for over a year because of back surgery, and it takes it's toll on him too. He recently started going back to work, but not full time. The shortage of money is very stressful for him since he owns his own house. He bought the house for him and his girlfriend at the time because she was pregnant. When the money slowed about a year later because of his surgery, she had to get a job. Unfortunately, she got a job as a bartender and started coming home drunk all the time, and she would pick fights about money and one day she actually got violent with him in front of Kayla and threw a heavy metal object at him, almost hitting Kayla. He called the cops and she went to jail. He broke up with her that night and since she moved out, there has only been one income. It has been hard for him to maintain the house and the two of them (he has 1/2 custody). He just takes it one day at a time, but once in a while, it creeps up and depresses him for a while. He knows he'll get back to work, and since he has a job waiting for him, it's not as bad I guess as someone trying to find a job. My point, after completely getting off the subject, is the person that isn't working does feel horrible most of the time, and needs to be encouraged, not nagged to find a job.
post #11 of 15
sending been there took me about 24 months to find enough stable work to evan pay bills when I moved here...
post #12 of 15
I'm sort of going through the same thing. I quit one job in October because I was miserable there, and am now working somewhere that I really like, but I only work about 10 hours a week. I'm a person who likes to keep busy (I worked 2 jobs at the same time while going to college!) so I'm getting a little stir crazy! My only advice is when you come home from work, don't say things like "oh, you didn't work today? must be nice!" .....not that my BF says things like that.... yeah right Lillekat mentioned volunteering, that's a great idea. You've just gotta keep looking, even if it feels like there are no jobs, the perfect one will pop up eventually. sending you both hugs!
post #13 of 15
Mu job ended Sept 30th when my office closed. I choose not to relocate as I was unhappy with what I was doing. Lucky for us my husband has a well paying career & I have 1 yr severance pay w/full benefits. In January I will start with my own business. There are days though he thinks I don't do alot around the house-men what do they know!!!
post #14 of 15
I've been out of work for quite awhile myself. The longer it lasts, the more excluded and worthless you feel... and the more you begin to doubt whether you can ever fit back in to a workplace again.

Has your boyfriend checked with a temporary agency? There are drawbacks -- like having to pay the agency a fee if you take a permanent job with one of their clients -- but it might be a way for him to ease back into working, feel useful, and find his way into a new job through the contacts he makes.

Meanwhile, make sure he knows you have faith in him... and be cheerful. He needs to be in good spirits to make the right impression when he goes for interviews.

Here's something I've recently realized I'm doing wrong: I've been thinking that every job I hear about is The One, and I'm approaching the application with a sort of desperation -- I HAVE to get this job, it's the ONLY JOB for me.

That's crazy! And it sets me up to LOOK desperate... I go in tense and overeager, which makes the interviewer tense, too. I think it's better to decide in advance that this is just a practice interview, to help you be better prepared when you interview for the job you REALLY want. Maybe that attitude allows you to be relaxed and confident.

Good luck to you both...
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the vibes everyone! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one (and he isn't either).
Yes right now is the very low point for as he interviewed with Jenny Craig and Radio Shack last week and both haven't returned his calls...so it's the total low point when retail doesn't want you (but I do see their point of view as student/younger people last longer than ones with a degree).
He did have one job during this period that didn't last long. It was for cemetary sales...so with him being down and all it just made his depression that much more.

Ugh. Oh yea, the other girl from Michigan (sorry can't remember your handle): Totally understand you're boyfriend's situation as I've been hearing about all over the news. That's really gotta be terrible. Right now it seems that anything grant funded (my BF is a social worker) or automotive industry are the two worst in Michigan.
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