i lost my best freind

i am new to this site. i just needed to talk about the loss of my sweet sox. he was almost 3. we lost him saturday night at 2:30 in the morning. actually sunday 03/17/02 he was so special. he was different. he was so slow and unbalanced. he had always been like that. very skinny. did not land on his feet. always falling. he'd been to the vet several times in his short life. when we took him saturday morning he would not eat. we knew something was wrong. they did bloodwork. he had liver disease. we brought him home with medicine and were told we would have to force feed him. he ate half a can of tuna all by hisself. we thought this was great he's gonna make it. with enough nutrients the liver can heal itself. he went down hill fast. he was in such obvious pain. he did not even want to be touched. which hurt so much, because all i wanted to do was hold him. about 2 o'clock that night my husband and i called the vet. i said. i think sox is dying. he could not even stand. we were just holding on to every ounce of hope we could. we took him right to the vet. at that point the vet said he was already blind and would only suffer longer. we said our goodbyes and sox went to sleep. the vet said usually tylonol will cause this. we don't buy tylonol. maybe a house plant? no. don't have them either. he was not very helpful. i resulted to the net. could it be sox was born with a defected liver? it causes nurological problems. i got the idea from an assistant there. she said the longest a cat could live with it was 3 years. sox was almost 3. the pain my husband and i both feel is so overwhelming. i'd give anything to hold him one more time. i can't stop thinking of his pain. seeing him suffering. everwhere in the house i go. he's not there. everything i do reminds me of him. yesterday i finally started eating againand i fixed a grilled cheese. i just broke down because sox loved grilled cheese. how my life changed in one weekend. how my heart broke. i never knew losing an animal could be so painful. my husband can barely work. i am thankful i have my family and now my 6 other cats but how will i ever get over losing sox. he was the one closest to us. always with us. my cats do not go outside. i thought they would be safe. does anyone have any words that might help. can anyone relate to what we feel right now? can any one shed light to his problem? i am a christian. i have prayed so hard for sox to be in heaven. even asked jesus to pet him for me. and keep a place for me. does sox know just how very much we loved him? i love you sox.

I also just lost my baby, Smokey, this past Monday to heart disease. I had her for 10 years (she was 12), so I completely understand what you're going through. Being back at work has helped, but as soon as I get home I begin crying again. I have three other kitties, but the bond with Smokey was so different, she will never be replaced. I must believe there is a "heaven" for our furry friends, and that we will see them again. Have you read the Rainbow Bridge post in this forum? It was a big help to me when Smokey got so sick, and continues to be. You are in my thoughts, as I know that this is one of the roughest times I've ever been through. Sox knows how much you love him, and I'm certain he loves you just as much and is remembering you always. He will be waiting for you on the Rainbow Bridge

Summer

Sox sounds like he was a very special kitty and loved so very much. I have no words that will take the pain away, except I am so sorry and you and your husband will be in my prayers. You have found a great site, there are lots of caring people here.

Your heart is heavy and full of pain. But, there is a small spot there that will ALWAYS belong to Sox. Cherish his memory and he will stay with you always. Death is only hard of those loved ones left behind. Your little Sox is no longer in pain or suffering. I am so very sorry for your loss. If you need to talk, we are here.
Deb M.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you!

thank you all for the kind words. it is getting a little easier. it's hard not to think about it. i have 6 other cats to love and worry about. they are great comfort. i read some of the bad kitty site. that someone posted. did any else read that? that made me laugh and cry. but mainly laugh. which felt really good. thank you.

I totally understand how you feel. Today is
April 2nd 2002 and I buried one of my three babies
today. His name was Jackson and he was 10 months
old..He was one of three brothers that I got all
at the same time...My husband let the 3 of them
out at 5 this morning and when I went out at 6
to get them to come in, Jackson was laying in the
road dead. I can't even describe the pain that I
am feeling..I couldn't even go to work today. I
feel like I lost part of me..What do you do to get
past this..I feel like my heart is being ripped out.

Candy
I know what you are going through and how bad the pain is. Please read the sticky at the top of this forum. It is a poem about a very wonderful place called Rainbow Bridge, and it will help you get some comfort right now. Time will also help to lessen the pain you are feeling.

You have had a horrible shock, but whenever you feel you are ready, please talk to us and share with us about Jackson. We are here for you.

Thank you Lori for the kind words. Jackson was a
yellow mid length hair main coon who had the face
of an angel. Out of my 3 boys, he was the one that
took to me the most. he always wanted to be in my
lap or sitting on the side of the tub when I took a
bath. he was so precious. he would walk up to me and
bend his head over so I could kiss him on his forehead.
I don't even know how I will ever get past this. I know
that time heals, but everytime time I close my eyes, I
see him laying in the road and it just kills me. The
other two look just like him and that sometimes makes
it better or harder. Their names are Tiger and Dante.
They seem to be somewhat depressed right now too. When
I got home from work. they were both laying around his
grave as if they knew he was there, and I'm sure that
they do. I go from one mood to another. One minute I
am crying my heart out and the next I am fine, but whenever
I have a moment when I am thinking about anything else, I
feel like I am betraying his memory. I even feel guilty
when I am loving another cat.

Candy
Jackson sounds like he was a very special and wonderful baby, and there will always be a special place for him in your heart.

By continuing to care for and love Jackson's two hrothers, you are honoring his memory, and this is something he would want you to do. It doesn't betray his memory at all. My thoughts are with you.

I just wanted to mention, that if you want to, you can start a separate thread for Jackson. This will help you get the attention of the other members. We have very caring and understanding people posting on this forum.

Candy, I submitted the thread entitled "Smokey is gone" just over two weeks ago in this forum. I still shed tears every few days, but the heartache does ease with time. I had her cremated, and her little box with her picture and collar sits right on my bedside table, so she will always be with me. Jackson will always remain in your heart, no matter how many new kitties come in and out of your life, and most likely he will never be replaced. I have three other kitties, and like you, I think there is some resentment that she is gone and they are still here. Although I love them, Smokey was indeed my baby. However, you will find that feeling to also fade as time goes by. I also urge you to read the Rainbow Bridge post at the top of this forum. Perhaps there is a special "club" for all The Cat Site kitties who are there :-)

Summer

sorry for your loss.
love from me and my cat angel.