i lost my best freind

i am new to this site. i just needed to talk about the loss of my sweet sox. he was almost 3. we lost him saturday night at 2:30 in the morning. actually sunday 03/17/02 he was so special. he was different. he was so slow and unbalanced. he had always been like that. very skinny. did not land on his feet. always falling. he'd been to the vet several times in his short life. when we took him saturday morning he would not eat. we knew something was wrong. they did bloodwork. he had liver disease. we brought him home with medicine and were told we would have to force feed him. he ate half a can of tuna all by hisself. we thought this was great he's gonna make it. with enough nutrients the liver can heal itself. he went down hill fast. he was in such obvious pain. he did not even want to be touched. which hurt so much, because all i wanted to do was hold him. about 2 o'clock that night my husband and i called the vet. i said. i think sox is dying. he could not even stand. we were just holding on to every ounce of hope we could. we took him right to the vet. at that point the vet said he was already blind and would only suffer longer. we said our goodbyes and sox went to sleep. the vet said usually tylonol will cause this. we don't buy tylonol. maybe a house plant? no. don't have them either. he was not very helpful. i resulted to the net. could it be sox was born with a defected liver? it causes nurological problems. i got the idea from an assistant there. she said the longest a cat could live with it was 3 years. sox was almost 3. the pain my husband and i both feel is so overwhelming. i'd give anything to hold him one more time. i can't stop thinking of his pain. seeing him suffering. everwhere in the house i go. he's not there. everything i do reminds me of him. yesterday i finally started eating againand i fixed a grilled cheese. i just broke down because sox loved grilled cheese. how my life changed in one weekend. how my heart broke. i never knew losing an animal could be so painful. my husband can barely work. i am thankful i have my family and now my 6 other cats but how will i ever get over losing sox. he was the one closest to us. always with us. my cats do not go outside. i thought they would be safe. does anyone have any words that might help. can anyone relate to what we feel right now? can any one shed light to his problem? i am a christian. i have prayed so hard for sox to be in heaven. even asked jesus to pet him for me. and keep a place for me. does sox know just how very much we loved him? i love you sox.

thank you all for the kind words. it is getting a little easier. it's hard not to think about it. i have 6 other cats to love and worry about. they are great comfort. i read some of the bad kitty site. that someone posted. did any else read that? that made me laugh and cry. but mainly laugh. which felt really good. thank you.