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I am at my witts end

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
My mother is driving me nuts.. She is yelling for no reason at me.. Well I figured out she is in pain, but why Yell just say I am in pain... sorry this isnt really intellagble but I needed to get it off my chest..
post #2 of 16
Do you have someone to discuss this with? Visiting nurse for one, perhaps there are adjustments that can be made to current meds, or a request for a new pain med for your mom?

Sounds also like you need caretaker relief. I am sorry she's in pain and I'm sorry this is such a tough time
post #3 of 16
You poor love. It's very difficult for our families to remember sometimes that we are not here for them to take out their frustrations on. You are doing the right thing by taking care of her, though. Can you tell her how she is making you feel?
post #4 of 16
Don't take what she is saying personally, any attacks on you should go in one ear and out the other. Forgive her she is in pain and doesn't realize how much she is hurting you. Don't forget about taking care of yourself see if some one can give you a break to spend time doing other things.
Speak to your mom's dr and see if her meds can be adjusted.

Good luck!
post #5 of 16
Thats awful for you. Do you mind me asking whats the matter with your mum?
I have a similar problem with my mum, think its that 'time of her life' although she wont admit it but she loses the plot for no reason. I can even be at work and she shouts down the phone at me. Its really upsetting.
I hope things get better for you, try explaining, without shouting back, that she's hurting you, or try writing her a letter?
Lauren
post #6 of 16
Aw sweetheart, that's so horrible. I know it hurts, but your mum is in pain - she's yelling because she can't escape it. Sometimes the natural reaction to a pain you can't be rid of is just to yell - you have to let the pain out somehow. And you jsut happen to be a target

PLease please don't take her to heart, but do remember to take some time out for yourself. Do take care
post #7 of 16
I think because you are there she is channeling some of her pain to you via yelling. As the others said don't take it personally.
post #8 of 16
So sorry, Sharky. I bet it is an absolutely horrible feeling to be caring for someone you love, and not only watch them in pain, but having them lash out as you as well. You're a very strong person. I hope you get the break you need.
post #9 of 16
Oh gosh, I surely understand what you're going through. My father has had one medical crisis after another for the past four years... he takes a dozen medications a day, and is presently on chemotherapy to try to prevent a recurrence of any of the three types of cancers he's had. All those drugs, piled on top of age and pain, make him say things that are just devastating to my mom and me. Ten minutes later, he even doesn't remember he said it, and he's humming and making jokes.

What we've found is that it's better not to try to reason with him or calm him down. If he's made an accusation that we feel we have to respond to, we try to tell him as gently as we can that "No, that's not true, Papa"... and if he persists, we just distract him -- "Hey, would you like a cup of tea?"

It's a terrible feeling to have to humor someone you have such love and respect for... but the alternative is to end up arguing all the time, and that's not good for either of you.

And I think the most important thing is to be very affectionate. It's amazing how just holding someone's hand for a moment can calm and reassure him. And I make sure never to leave my father without telling him I love him. Even if he's angry at me, I go over and pat him and tell him, "I love you, ya ol' grump." :-)

I don't know what's wrong with your mom... I hope she will recover. But if she doesn't, you'll always be glad you remained patient and loving toward her, no matter how her illness made her behave. Try to remember that it's the pain, and not her real feelings.

All good wishes to you and your mom...
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you all...

I am trying to let it roll off ....

She is in stage 4 of COPD , she has emphasema and a bunch of other stuff...

I at this point cant get help cause we as a family arent "poor" enough to get help yet not "rich" enough to pay out of pocket..
post #11 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by sharky
Thank you all...

I am trying to let it roll off ....

She is in stage 4 of COPD , she has emphasema and a bunch of other stuff...

I at this point cant get help cause we as a family arent "poor" enough to get help yet not "rich" enough to pay out of pocket..
All I remember was that at least re alzheimers, there was a county support agency for my aunt (My dad had parkinson's with alzheimers type effects, it was ex. difficult near the end, but she provided her brother with his wish..to stay at home).
If you haven't ever, please see what may be available -you need some respite yourself.
sending hugs,
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by sharky
Thank you all...

I am trying to let it roll off ....

She is in stage 4 of COPD , she has emphasema and a bunch of other stuff...

I at this point cant get help cause we as a family arent "poor" enough to get help yet not "rich" enough to pay out of pocket..
My Mom has COPD, too. It's a horrible thing to see. I'm so sorry you have to go through that.
post #13 of 16
Is she eligable for hospice? I know hospice is usually 6 months or less, so I have no idea if that is an issue or not yet. Hospice is usually free and provides nursing services. I hope you are able to find some support. There are some adult day care programs that can help you to get some time to yourself from time to time. Maybe that would be an option. Good luck to you.
post #14 of 16
I know how hard it can be to deal with a peroson with a cronic debilitating illness and how it drains the caretaker - my dad passed from Dementia.

Here is a site that is for patience as well for support. Maybe it can help!

http://www.copd-international.com/
post #15 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you... Last night I gave here some homeopathic pain stuff that seemed to help today was much better..
post #16 of 16
Oh, what a tough situation! Would she be willing to have you massage her legs, to help her cope (if massage isn't dangerous, that is)? I know what you mean about being in the "gap" for assistance. Could your doctor recommend any kind of respite care? Maybe one of the churches in town has someone who would be willing to help out. My friend's husband recently passed away due to cancer, and she almost immediately began volunteering with Hospice; she says it really helps her from being lonely and that it is much easier to be patient with someone else's family - maybe there's a widow similar to her in your area. You're in my thoughts & prayers! Susan
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