Just had our first fight....

BF and I just had our first fight. Last week, my Chihuahua, Pedro and Kayla were left alone in the other room for a while, while Mark was making dinner. Suddenly he heard her crying and went in there and she told him Pedro bit her. She had scratches on her face, but no punctures. He didn't see exactly what happened, so I figured she probably mishandled him somehow. He never bites her or growls for no reason, and has never bitten her (or anyone) before. He only growls at her if she tried to kick him or push him down. Since then, he has sat on her lap and she hand feeds him food and treats. I figured this would get him to love and respect her and it has seemed to work. We haven't left them alone again, and nothing has happened. I thought it was solved. Today, when Mark came home Pedro was in his kennel with Rain, and when they were walking up to the cage, Pedro started growling and snarling and barking. He does this all the time when I take him to work, and as soon as you let him out of the cage, he is fine. When Mark told me that he did that, he said he's had enough of Pedro and I tried to explain to him that Pedro wouldn't do anything if he let him out of the kennel, he's just being cage protective, but Mark wouldn't listen and we got into a fight about it, he said it's no choice, the kid over the dog. He said his friends are all asking him why I still have the dog if that happened. He says you can't expect a toddler to understand how to handle a dog, and ALL dogs should be nice no matter what, even if they're hurt or anything. He had a dog before this and got rid of her because she knocked Kayla down a few times. I don't want Kayla to get hurt badly or anything, but my point is, Kayla needs to learn how to handle animals. If she mistreats animals and Daddy just gets rid of them the minute they retaliate against her mishandling them, she's not going to learn the proper way to treat an animal. I know she is not my daughter, but if it WERE my daughter, I would view it the same way. I have always planned to teach my children to respect animals. Most of the time when an animal bites a child, it's because of mishandling on the child's part. I've been bitten enough to know that's not always the case, but it IS the case in this instance. I told Mark I would come get the dogs and take them home, and when I got there, he wouldn't talk to me. Now I won't be able to spend the night anymore because I'll have to get home to tend to the dogs. The other option is getting rid of Pedro, which I don't want to do, and what's next? My cats play bite her and I have to get rid of them? That's bound to happen if we ever live together, he's already dimissed one of my cats completely because he mistook a playbite for a real bite. I have to draw the line somewhere, don't I? What do you all think? I am so confused and hurt right now I don't know what to think or say or do. HELP! PS...does anyone want a Chihuahua?

I agree that it's really important for people to learn about proper treatment of animals. It's so typical to just get rid the dog/cat when it becomes inconvinent, instead of taking the time and trouble to do something constructive. It sounds like a knee-jerk reaction on his part.
Your BF can't demand that you get rid of any of your pets, that's unfair!

He sounds like he's being a bit precious. But again, it's his daughter, and he's probably doing that protective parent thing!

I think that you could both come to some kind of a compromise that would allow you to be together and you to keep your babies (not that there was ever a question of you NOT keeping them!!).

He needs to understand animals a bit better, and perhaps you also need to try and see where he's coming from, too. I hate to say it, but I am one of those people quite often who's dogs can do no wrong, because I know and understand them (and because they DON'T do anything wrong...lol lol) but I know to other people it can just seem like tunnel-vision. We try really hard not to be like that around our animals, and try to see what other people are saying, too, but also try to educate them.

Just sounds like Mark and you need to sit down and nut this out, fairly and with compromise. Good luck!

I tried to talk to him, all he kept saying was, "It's not a choice, it's the kid over the dog." I tried to ask him to listen to my side and he won't. He DOES need to understand animals a little better. He likes them, but unfortunately was raised under "old school" ways and an animal is just an animal, not a family member. Also "old school" in the ways of giving people food all the time, not taking them to the vet unless there was something wrong with them, and not getting their teeth cleaned.."that's what bones are for." He also had another dog before the last one and she was close to perfect and so therefore, he expects that ALL dogs shouls behave that way, and can't understand that they aren't all perfect! I'm starting to wonder if I make a mistake, will he "give ME away?"

From your signature I see you have 9 pets and run a pet sitting business.... From that I think it's safe to make the assumption (and forgive me if I am wrong) that your life probably wouldn't feel complete if you didn't have your animals in it. This guy is not going to change. It seems that you have come to the point where you need to make a decision on what you think is best for YOU, and also for your pets since they are your responsibility and depend on you. Imo, you would be wasting your time with him if you decided to stay with him and just leave your pets at your own house when you went to spend time with him in his. As soon as your relationship grows and your ready to live together your going to have this same problem. I think it would be a mistake to give up your pet (singular for now, but I get the impression he won't stop at just one) without him even being open minded enough to allow you to try working with his daughter on teaching her how to handle the animals....

If he is this inflexible and unwilling to listen, and you have found out on your first fight, then lucky you, I say. This tendency in his behaviour will keep repeating itself over and over, over many things, and not just your animals. He's not going to change. And you are going to be unhappy. Your animals are obviously your life. If they are that fundamentally important to you, you need a man who understands and supports that.

Max and I had a talk the other night about what would happen if one of us asked the other to choose them or our pets. We were both gratified (and also laughingly horrified!) to learn that we would both choose our pets!! Even though we will probably end up getting married!! Lol.... Your pets are your children. You can't just give them up. And you can't be with someone who doesn't understand that. They don't have to like it, but supporting YOU is the most important thing here, and he doesn't sound like he does that.

How long have you been together?

Ouch Shannon! That sucks!!! I am sorry to hear what you are going through. He has to listen to your side of the story. If he doesn't give you a chance to explain things, or take the time to listen to what you have to say, I would have a real problem with that!

I would say the choice should be him or your animals. I suspect he will want you to get rid of more and more the longer you stay with him. He has a typical attitude of a control freak

Originally Posted by hissy

I would say the choice should be him or your animals. I suspect he will want you to get rid of more and more the longer you stay with him. He has a typical attitude of a control freak

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Originally Posted by KitEKats4Eva!

How long have you been together?

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Almost 10 weeks. Not very long, but they have been, up until today, the happiest 10 weeks of my life.

Originally Posted by menagerie mama

Almost 10 weeks. Not very long, but they have been, up until today, the happiest 10 weeks of my life.

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Oh wow. Maybe this can be sorted. I sure hope so

We have to remember if kids hurt an animal in any way , it's like thier natural for them to like, fight back, kinda, specially if you don't know what happened..

I would want a B/F that "LOVES" animals!

oh, I'm so sorry you're going through that.

I really hope he will come to his senses and listen to you.

I hate to leap to the conclusion that your boyfriend is going to be inflexible about EVERYTHING... after all, this is his little girl. It's right and natural for him to feel protective.

What he needs to understand is that there IS a middle ground -- not just an either/or. How old is Kayla? If she's old enough to talk, she's old enough to start learning how to adjust her behavior around animals. We took great care to teach my nephew about cats from birth right on up, and by the time he was four, he was already an expert with them.

I'm sure Kayla can learn how to interact with animals, too -- although I do have the impression that Chihuahuas are often especially touchy, so that might make it more difficult.

I hope you can catch him in a calm moment and talk it over again. Good luck...

Kayla is 19 months old, and she talks. Pedro is 5 years old. Kayla just adores him. The first thing she wants to do as soon as she sees him is feed Pedro, hold Pedro, kiss Pedro, she's obsessed with him, even after he bit her. When I call Mark and he tells her I'm on the phone, she asks about Pedro. If he's on my lap, she's gotta be on my lap. I do understand his point, I just wish he could understand mine. It hurts that he is so dismissive about it. I'm sure she could learn to respect him, but Mark just wants to give up. He hasn't called me yet and it's been 3 hours since I came to pick them up.

i think you need to tell him, and make sure he's listening, that you seriously need to talk, his daughter is important to him and i can understand that but your pets are important to you and if he wants to be with you then it would be best if he learnt to at least treat them with more respect.

there is nothing wrong with your dog, i used to babysit a three year old girl called sammy, bonnie is the most mellow cat ever, she never scratches anyone, one day i come in to see sammy carrying bonnie by the sides and a second before i get to them bonnie scratched her face badly, she was okay but it could have been her eye, it wasn'r bonnies fault and really it wasn't sammy's fault either, her parents never taught her anything about pets, she had a lab at the time which is now in a much better home, everytime i'd go outside sammy would be throwing stuff at the dog, pulling his ears and tail and generally annoying him, i tried to explain to her that you have to treat animals with kindness but i didn't spend enough time with her for it to really sink in, luckily max was a friendly dog or it could have turned out very bad.

your boyfriend needs to understand that it isn't the pets fault all the time, in fact, most of the time it's the kids fault, he needs to teach his kid that animals deserve respect too and that you can't just drag them around like a raggy doll.

goodluck okay, my Husband used to be a little bit like your bf but he's lived with me and my furkids for long enough and has changed his veiws quiet a lot thank goodness



felicia

I do understand his point, I just wish he could understand mine. It hurts that he is so dismissive about it. I'm sure she could learn to respect him, but Mark just wants to give up. He hasn't called me yet and it's been 3 hours since I came to pick them up.

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that's another thing, a relationship has to be two way, he has to realise that his opinion may not always be yours and he needs to understand how you feel about your pets, i know you have tried but you two really need to sit down and talk about it, explain how you feel, if he loves you he should try to understand what your pets mean to you.

i hope it all works out




felicia

I haven't had a relationship yet, so this advice might sound stupid, but it is worth a try.

Ok, so Mark is upset because Pedro growled at Kayla. Kayla is only 19 months old. Kayla obviously adores Pedro. Pedro likes Kayla(you didn't say anything about him being in love with Kayla, so I don't know how he feels). Have you tried explaining to Mark that Pedro is to you what Kayla is to him? Pedro is your son & Kayla is his daughter. He would never give Kayla up because she growled(or cried), so why would you give Pedro up? My mom compares a child crying over a toy taken away to a dog growling over its crate space being invaded.

Chihuahuas are wonderful little dogs. It is probably best that Kayla learns how to be around a smaller dog rather than one that will bowl her over. If he isn't willing to listen to things from your point of view, how will things be later? If he is thinking so much about his daughter, perhaps you should think about how this relationship will affect your sons & daughters. If my BF asked me to get rid of Twitch of Lily I would dump him on the spot. That is how I feel. These guys are my babies. Heck, my sister dumped her BF becuase he didn't want a cat in the house. I know it sounds stupid, but she has spent her entire life knowing that someday she would have cat(s) in the house & she can't do that with him around.

Originally Posted by white cat lover

If my BF asked me to get rid of Twitch of Lily I would dump him on the spot.

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Good advice!

if anyone ever told me to get rid of my dog or cats, they would be seriously sorry. I myself would dump the guy if he wanted to get rid of my pet.

Chihuahua's and kids aren't good together at all. =\\ Thats why good breeders won't sell them to anyone who has children under 12 yrs old. They are too tiny to be picked up by small children, and most likey tossed and stepped on everynow and then.