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It's a tough road but one you have to travel

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
My first post here.

I saw this section and I want to share about my cat Louie that passed away many moons ago.

It's a long story how I got Louie. Let's just say I got him from two friends that expected Louie to just jump up and start playing. They were bored with him and I took him in.

I could work around the house and have him "draped" around the back of my neck like a mink stole, LOL. He would actually fall asleep. Front legs laying on one side of my neck and the back legs on the other. He would purr away...

A few years later he became sick. He stopped eating, he would crawl right in front of the gas heater and stay there. If I picked him up he would get down and go right back to the heater. I knew something was up. I had been through many UTI's with this guy, trying different foods. I thought he was having ANOTHER, UTI. But he "screamed". Not a meow but a horrible "scream" that is all I can describe. He lost weight very quickly and I took him to the vet. The vet said he could run bunches of tests but he suspected FIV. He said he could put Louie to sleep that day or just let me decide.

I had this great fear of coming home and finding him dead. But I was hard-headed.

It's tough to say to yourself, "Am I making this worse on him by letting him stay like this? Am I being selfish? What's best for Louie?"

If he did have FIV it took him fast. I always checked on him. He was skin and bones by this point. One morning I got up and said, "How is my boy doing this morning?" He looked up at me weakly and one pupil was large and round and the other was normal (slit) in the sunlight.

I called and they said I could come that afternoon. Tough call.

I had one hour with Louie. I held him in my arms and told him that everything was going to be great in kitty heaven. He wouldn't be sick anymore. He would just look at me weakly. His pupils hadn't changed. It was awful checking my watch. It moved too fast!

I drove up to the vet's. Ran into someone I always said I would cut short if I ever saw them in public but I said hello to them and kept on going. I had something to do....

The receptionist was very loud and had me sign the papers, pointing to this line and then this one to make sure they would not be liable blah blah blah. It was so uncomfortable with the others sitting in the waiting area. I finally said, "Do you think I can come through the door? I'm having a little hard of a time here."

I think this was one of the worst times in my life. I was deciding the final destination of a life. My cat's life. But I couldn't be selfish! This was not about me. It was about the quality or the lack of, life Louie had. I had to help him. He was in pain.

The vet is a big cat lover, so he was really kind. He told me I could leave to the waiting area and he would bring my Louie back to me after it was over. If I wanted that. They would "take care" of Louie as in burial. I wouldn't have it! I said I would stay with Louie if they didn't mind. And they didn't. I work in the medical field so I am pretty tough. They gave Louie a shot to sedate him. He just went limp in my hands. To a degree that was a relief to see him quiet. He shaved his little paw, put on the tourniquet, and inserted the syringe. It was over in a matter of seconds. When the vet looked up and nodded his head I went all to pieces. I sounded just like a horse snorting. And loud! The vet hugged me and then his assistant came in and rubbed my back. I couldn't quit crying. I decided something's fate and now it was done. I am used to saving lives.

Having him put down was the hard part I suppose. But what was harder was seeing our lives rushed before my mind in an instant. Burying him was easy. He was gone already. I rubbed his little head, covered him up with the towel they had given me at the vet's and then sealed off the grave.

He was a wonderful and loving cat. And he loves me, I believe, by helping him exit this world into the next. After days of confusion and regret I finally came to the conclusion I did the right thing for him. Those screams he had near the end were screams for help. And I did the unselfish thing of helping him.

I'd do it all over again. Because I still love that cat of mine. I put my own feelings aside and considered his.
post #2 of 12
Its always tough to make decisions like that.

But you did the right thing and I'm sure Louie appreciates it as he now runs freely across the Bridge with all our other Furry Friends.

Rest In Peace Louie!! Say Hi to my Bridge Babies for me!
post #3 of 12
What an amazing tribute to Louie. He sounds like an amazing cat, that brought you so much happiness.
You did the right thing and you were with him to the end.

RIP Louie
post #4 of 12
Welcome to TCS and introducing us to Louie. Thank you for sharing your difficult story because I firmly believe that it will help others who are in the throes of making that difficult, but humane, decision.. Louie is looking down from the Other Side, nodding his thanks for the wonderful gift of a peaceful passing, and for encouraging others to allow their pet the same....
post #5 of 12
Oh my goodness what a sad but touching story

RIP Louie You sounded a sweetheart
post #6 of 12
I know it is hard to have to make these kinds of decisions, but you did the best thing for Louie..
Your tribute is beautiful..thank you for allowing me to get to know Louie.
He knows he was loved, and he is watching over you now..

RIP sweet loved Louie
post #7 of 12
Louie was a blessed cat to have you with so much love in your heart. Many of us understand exactly what you have expressed. The love we have doesn't die when the cat does. We carry it with us daily. Sometimes I think my hands are aching to pet my Max on the head one more time. I hope that you have at least one more cat. You sound like a very loving, caring and giving person. Some cat deserves to live with you. Rest in peace sweet Louie. You are loved and missed.
post #8 of 12
Louie sounds like a wonderful boy. I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #9 of 12
It's funny how through all the pain and heartache we go through when it is time to let them go, we think O God I can never go through that again. But yet when the next poor homeless baby comes along we jump at the oppertunity. Absolutely no doubt about it, no questions asked! I am sorry you had to make the hardest decision of your life, but I am sure Louie is safe and happy now and out of pain. Thank you for sharing your story.May he forever rest in peace.
post #10 of 12
I am a new 'mom' and for some reason I just clicked on your thread... and glad I did. I cringe at the day I dont have my baby anymore and she's only a year and a half and I've only had her 4 months. Thank you for sharing your story, you certainly have a way with words, it sounded like something from a book. I wish you happiness and Louie is up there thanking you as well.
post #11 of 12
You do have a way with words. That took me right back to when Mattie was pts (FIP), and Logan (old age). That pain of losing them combined with relief for them. And feeling like you prepared for the emotions, only to be full out bawling at the loss.

Just a suggestion for anyone facing this, if you can take a caring friend with you, it helps a lot.

Condolences on the loss of Louie. Rest in peace, big guy!
post #12 of 12
what a beautiful tribute to Louie It always is a hard decision to make no matter what. Bless you for doing the unselfish thing and thinking of Louie. He no doubt is watching over you now, playing at the bridge all happy and healthy. It must be a wonderful place there.

continue to play happily Louie until you meet again
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