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Woman to wed man who held her hostage

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10065038/

Thoughts?
post #2 of 20
This happens a lot of kidnap victims - They often form a close bond to the person who is holding them hostage (Generally provided there is no violence involved, except in this case of course!).

Strange....
post #3 of 20
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_vernon
This happens a lot of kidnap victims - They often form a close bond to the person who is holding them hostage (Generally provided there is no violence envolved).

Strange....
I know, but they usually don't get shot in the groin, then held captive for 6 days in a garage. Personally, I'd have a very hard time forgiving that.
post #4 of 20
That's nuts. She seems like a pretty typical battered woman to me though.
post #5 of 20
True!!!

Some people are a little weird though....
post #6 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_vernon
This happens a lot of kidnap victims - They often form a close bond to the person who is holding them hostage
Yup, it's called Shanghai Syndrome.
Anyway, as esrgirl said, this is typical behavior of many battered women. She is literally brainwashed by this "man" (I use the term loosely). Before he held her hostage and shot her, I am sure that he isolated her from everyone, beat down her self esteem, and did everything else he could to make her completely dependent on him- he wanted her under his thumb and it looks like he got what he wants.

I hope her family will be there for her now and I can only hope that she sees the light (she will not leave him until she is completely ready) and decides for herself that she is better of without this scum of the earth.
post #7 of 20
Amy - isn't that Stockholm Syndrome?? Im confused here.

And I am not surprised it happened in this case, he would have brainwashed her. I really hope that she will see the light also.
post #8 of 20
I thought it was Stockholm syndrome too.

I would think I would have a heard time forgiving them - but for the survivors, they often believe that the reason the kidnapper lets them live is that s/he loves them, and I guess that would be especially true to this woman as he didn't let her bleed to death (as weird and horrible as that sounds)
post #9 of 20
I saw her interview on KCAL9 today, and she said that they were both using methamphetamine at the time of the attack, and now that he's clean, he's the man she wants to marry. I do know that people's personalities can get very uncharacteristically mean on meth, esp. when they're coming down, and they are mean beyond belief. But, come on, lady, meth is one of the hardest challenges to conquer, and besides, he's not clean on his own, but because he's incarcerated!! She did look like someone who needs a whole lot of love - I hope that she finds it, before it's too late, but as a meth-user herself, it's very likely that she has burned her bridges with her normal support system long ago
post #10 of 20
It is the Stockholm Syndrome, because the first time it was documented was in a bank robbery/hostage situation in Stockholm, Sweden. There had been oodles of cases documented throughout the Middle Ages forward, and most assuredly others, as well.

The emotional "bond" that occurs has to do with a combination of fear, safety, adrenalin, and endorphines. Something in that particular combination makes a similar hormone to the "love" factor, or the bonding factor. It also happened to Patty Hearst, and caused her to commit crimes in conjunction with her captors. Of course, she was apprehended, served time, and now married to one of her body guards (again, a similar situation; he is there to keep her safe, that safety is paramount to her survivial, and thus a dependence which becomes a para-love emotion occurs

Other than that very slight awareness, I have absolutely no understanding of the situation; I, too, would have a hard time forgiving him, meth or not...but that's me.

Best-
Michele
post #11 of 20
*shakes head *...
post #12 of 20
sigh..poor woman
post #13 of 20
as a rule of thumb i think no-one should marry someone who deliberatly shot them....
post #14 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiwideus
Amy - isn't that Stockholm Syndrome?? Im confused here.

And I am not surprised it happened in this case, he would have brainwashed her. I really hope that she will see the light also.
At least I remembered it was named after a foreign city that begins with an "S" .
post #15 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by jane_vernon
This happens a lot of kidnap victims - They often form a close bond to the person who is holding them hostage (Generally provided there is no violence involved, except in this case of course!).

Strange....

Remmeber Patty Hearst...she was kidnapped and rapped and ended up joining the men that kidnapped her in a spree of crimes...even served time with them....

it happens
post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
At least I remembered it was named after a foreign city that begins with an "S" .

That cracked me up!

I learned about this in psychology. I agree with Amy that she will not leave him until she is completely ready. I think she really needs the support of her friends, family, and counseling.
post #17 of 20
I certainly hope this gal gets the counseling she needs to help her get away from this guy!
And don`t ya`ll find it just a bit more than a tad wierd that this guy can plead guilty to attempted murder ....and still claim it was an accident? DUHHHH That`s a pretty big contridiction if you ask me.
Linda
post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by stampit3d
And don`t ya`ll find it just a bit more than a tad wierd that this guy can plead guilty to attempted murder ....and still claim it was an accident? DUHHHH That`s a pretty big contridiction if you ask me.
Linda
Actually, the plea form reads "plead guilty/no contest" so he probably took his attorney's advice and "plea-bargained" with the prosecutor. Otherwise, he would have to risk a jury trial, and how likely is a jury to be sympathetic (willing to listen to his side & entertain the fact that maybe he is innocent of what he's charged with)? Just from the news coverage I saw at the time, he was a guilty as pavement is black! and I live 5 hours away!
It happens all the time - a person will plead guilty/no contest to something for which they feel innocent (and, yes, sometimes are) because it is easier & cheaper to "take the hit" . BTW, if a person uses a public defender, there is almost always a hearing to see if they should be required to reimburse the county for the public defender services - legally defending yourself can be extremely expensive!
post #19 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverick_kitten
as a rule of thumb i think no-one should marry someone who deliberatly shot them....

ditto lol

i can understand it though, it's like colleen stan 'the girl in the box' except that was a more extreme case, eventually she loved cameron hooker, the man who held her captive because even though he hurt her and was the one who caught her in the first place she relied on him for seven years to feed her, let her out, give her a bath and many other things.

it's almost like a type of brainwashing or coersive persuasion?

i hope everything turns out okay for that woman though, hopefully her family will talk some sense into her.




felicia
post #20 of 20
I think it is sad that us women have to be used this way. We were made to NEED the closeness and love of a man - no matter WHO they really are and HOW they treat us. I wish more women would stand up for their personal rights and realize WE are more important and MORE precious than these (insert your choice of curse words) men.

Sorry but right now I'm in a really ANGRY mood toward my own man who emotionally abuses me. It was just recently that I realized that THAT was what was going on...so now I'm working on things here to make MY life better.
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