History??

"There was an increase in climate during the eighteenth century. Agriculture fed more people as crop yields became lower. These were factors in the better times to come." "It was the 18th centuey enlightenment that contributed most to the 17th century." "Voltaire wrote a book called 'Candy' that got him into trouble with Frederick the Great, who is credoted personally with increasing the population of Prussia by almost a third during his lifetime." "In the eighteenth century such greats as Mozart, Bach, Richardson, Roccoco and Baroque cultured the nobles of Europe." "When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home." Tomorrow: the Age of Revolution; the French demand fraternities.

The Age of Revolution: "The American colonists lived on a continent and England was an island. Thus the Americans wanted independence." "Americans, of course, wanted not involvement in the French and Indian War because they did not want to fight in India. This led to the Stamp Act, where no stamps could be issued unless they bore the American mascot." "The Quebec Act was an Intolerable Act because it would have required Americans to learn French in school." "Many colonists became convicted patriots after reading 'Horse Sense' by Thomas Pain." "Benjamin Franklin, already famous as the inventor of the light bulb, persuaded French King George III to help the USA." "Yorktown was sight of Robert E. Lee's greatest victory. Washington defeated the Allies at Gettysberg. He was the first and only president to be elected anonymously by the Electoral College." "Another problem was that France was full of French people. "Revolters demanded liberty, equality and fraternities. Victims of the terror were rolled to the gilotine in tumblers." "Napoleon was ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He was later troubled with Spanish gorillas, who formed a sore in his side." Next installment: The Industrial Revolution.

You know, France is STILL overrun with French people! You'd think they'd have solved that by now . . .

You'd think they'd have found a cure, for that, by now. Maybe, they could send 'em all the Quebec!

"The industrial revolution was slow at first due to the lakc of factories. European nations had the raw materials to start an industrial revolution, but they did not have the knowledge to start a revolution and thus they were retarded." "The Russians financed industrialization by elling bongs to foreign countries." "An example of the importance of women during the industrial revolution was the work of Spinning Jenny, a young girl forced to work more than 40 hours a day." "Telephones were not available - communication went by mouth to mouth or telegram. The Interstate Highway System was built soon after the Civil War. The Trans-Siberian Railroad connected Europe to California. The airplane was invented and first flown by the Marx brothers." "In 1848, unemployment became a crisis in Paris. Out of a city population of one million people, two million able bodies were on the loose." "The Irish had to imagrate to the US because of Hitler." "Girls were typially sent to finishing shools, where the point was to finish them off." "Leaders of the women's movement included Florence Nightengail, susan B. Anthony and Crystal Pancake." "The law treated women the same as children, criminals, or insominacs." Next: 19th century political conflicts:tounge2:

. . . You know, I don't even know who Crystal Pancake is supposed to be . . .

The best that I can figure is, maybe, Emily Pankhurst, the British feminist.

Nineteenth Century Politcal Conflict: Anarchs and the Power Serge. "Metternich helped orcastrate the Concert of Europe. Great Brittian, the USA, and oth countrys had demicratic leanings" (Note: they WERE able to spell 'Metternich'.) "Pope Leo XIII is know as the author of 'Rectum Novarum'." "Workers voted for coservatives, because they believed in unemployment. Inspired by these ideas, reformers tried to ban sweating from the shops." "According to Marx the stages of history are canabalism, slavery, fuedalism, capitalism and back to canabalism. These are the moods of production." "Anarchism is a system of government headed by an Anarch. Canada, for example, became an anarchy in 1867." "German unity was acheaved by William I coupling with Bismark. After several hurtful convulsions he culminated to power as the first Geyser of Germany." The Automaton Empire remained on the "Sick Bed of Europe" during this time. Next chapter: America From Crisis to Triumph:LOL:

"Nineteenth century America was an unequal society where only White males could download access to the power serge." "Florence Nightingale was a singer who became involved with the American flag." "Tthe major cause of the Civil War is when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West." "The Civil War began in 1830. Many soldiers repeatedly gave their lives for their country. The Confederates were greatly damaged by navel blockage." "William McKinley was President of the South. United States Grant was a Civil War heroe who later proved corrupulent as President. He died after drinking up to twenty cigars a day." "Westward expansion ended at Custard's Last Stand and his later defeat at Wounded Knee." Tomorrow: The Birth of Modernism

Tthe major cause of the Civil War is when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West.


You know, we joke about that, but considering the way female were treated, it might more true than we'd like to think . . .

"Picasso was the famous artist who painted the Mona Lisa. Benito Mussolini was an artist who became overly famous." "'Geaorge Eliot' was written by Silas Marner. This was the nom de aplomb of an English woman author." "Silent movies were already out of fashion before 1850." "Friedrich Nietzche was a German movie producer who wrote 'Triumph of the Will' and 'Superman'." "There was a change in social morays. A new generation tittered on the brink of the end of an era." Tune in tomorrow, for Imperialism and International Rivalries.

. . . I can just picture that school of eels, laughing . . .



(yeah, I can spell)

"Imperialism was larger in the late ninetieth century. European countries were growing dramatically and instead of spilling onto each other thay had to go elesewhere." "Europeans in India inhabited designated spots where they coul dpractice their imperialist values on one another." "Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians - a situation which troubled them for life." "General Gordon, a celibate who showed an interst in boys and visiting slums, involved himself in unusual mystical beliefs." "Japan beame a European country during the Benji Restoration. China, which was already weakened by imperialist spears of influence, produced the Boxcar Rebellion." "Infestations of gold in South Africa led to the Boar War between England and Denmark." "In 1898 the Spanish-American War was fought between the US and Mexico. It gave rise to American generals such as Robert T. Lee and proved itself a highly useful war." "Admiral Dewey snak the Spanish Armada at Vanilla Bay." "Teddy ("J.R.") Roseavekd spoke softly, threatened with his big stick and built the Panema Canal through Mexico." "The Russiam Revolution of 1905 began about 1907." "The five European grade powers were England, France, Germany, Russia and Australia-Mongolia." Next: WWI

"Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians - a situation which troubled them for life."

. . . which was mercifully short . . .

"World War I broke out around 1912-1914." "Germany was on one side of France and Russia was on the other." "The Germans used the "Schleppen Plan" to surprise France by attacking through Bulgaria, which is not far from Paris." "Ausria fought the Snerbs. The British used mostly Aztec troops to fight at Gallipoli. Italy joined the Allies and this was useful because of their common border with Australia." "Florence of Arabia fought over the dessert." "Military tachnology progressed with ideas such as guns which would shoot generally straight. At war people get killed and then they aren't people anymore, but friends. When peace broke out the men excitedly relieved themselves wherever they were." "Actually, more people died from Spanish Fly than from the war itself." "It is hard to believe that all who tok part in the war were first cousins, but stranger things have happened. I guess." Next: The Russian Revolution

"Russia's chances in this war were largely farfetchual." "Nicholas II let himself be pulled into strainful positions by his wife. To make matters worse, his son was diagnosed with hemophilatelism, a sickness which required him to fall down and hurt himself badly." "Rasputin made friends with the Zeitgeist. Russian generals were idiots and Russian industry could only produce one or two bullets every year." "All this and more was predicted by Lenin in 'Capitalism: the Highest Stage of Socialism." "In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home on a soiled train." "Nearly everybody breathed a sigh of relief when the Communists were able to restore chaos." (Hemophilatelism: (n) a genetic disease, wherein one bleeds on ones stamp collection )

I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed reading these. Glancing through quickly, I assumed that these were written by middle or high school students. It's a little bit frightening to see that they were college students! Funny!! Do you have more?

"Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with fourteen pointers. When Woodrow Wilson suffered a stroke, the head cheerleader for the League of Nations lost his pompoms." "Germany was displaced after World War I. The Treaty of Trianon cost Hungary more than six fifths of its land." "Cat berets were a favorite form of German entertainment at this time." "Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forma of sexual deprivations were practised." "The Beer Hall Putsch was a popular lesbian on the large scale." "The Teapot Doom scandal was a factor leading to Prohibition." "When the Davy Jones Index crashed in 1929 many people were left to political incineration." "Lennon ruled in Russia. He was the first zar of the Soviet Union." "Stalin expanded capitalism by building machine tractor stations." "As Nazi leader of Communist Germany, Hitler was one leader who wanted all for himself and none for all." "Citizens were often enlightened with lies." "Nazi Germany and Italy agreed to the Pact of Steal. Thus was formed the alliance between the Anxious Powers." "Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho." Moosealini rested his foundations on eight million bayonets and invaded Hi Lee Salasy." "The policy of appeasement might have worked, however, if it was not for Hitler." Next: WWII

Too funny! Actually laughed out loud. Reads like 6 Monty Python bits rolled into one!

I ahve to get this book backt the library, so I'm doubling up the chapters. "Few were surprised when the National League failed to prevent another world war." "Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium and Russia inveded everybody." "The Germans took the by-pass around France's Marginal Line. This was know as the 'Blintz Kreig'. The French huddled up and threw sneers at the Germans. Japan boomed Pearl Harbor, the main US base in southern California. American sailors watched in shock as the sky filled with Japanese zebras!" "The German invaders were popular for a while in Russia, but their habit of slaughtering innocent civilians tended to give them an image problem. The Russians defended Stalingrad feercely, as the city was nomed after Lenin." "Stalin, Rosevelt,Churchill and Truman were known as the 'Big Three'." "Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep and then shot himself in the bonker." "Unfortunately, the Second World War was not concluded until 1957." "War screeched to an end whena nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima." (Gee, can't imagine why Hitler was depressed.)