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History?? - Page 2

post #31 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Picasso was the famous artist who painted the Mona Lisa. Benito Mussolini was an artist who became overly famous." "'Geaorge Eliot' was written by Silas Marner. This was the nom de aplomb of an English woman author." "Silent movies were already out of fashion before 1850." "Friedrich Nietzche was a German movie producer who wrote 'Triumph of the Will' and 'Superman'." "There was a change in social morays. A new generation tittered on the brink of the end of an era." Tune in tomorrow, for Imperialism and International Rivalries.
post #32 of 58
. . . I can just picture that school of eels, laughing . . .

(yeah, I can spell)
post #33 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Imperialism was larger in the late ninetieth century. European countries were growing dramatically and instead of spilling onto each other thay had to go elesewhere." "Europeans in India inhabited designated spots where they coul dpractice their imperialist values on one another." "Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians - a situation which troubled them for life." "General Gordon, a celibate who showed an interst in boys and visiting slums, involved himself in unusual mystical beliefs." "Japan beame a European country during the Benji Restoration. China, which was already weakened by imperialist spears of influence, produced the Boxcar Rebellion." "Infestations of gold in South Africa led to the Boar War between England and Denmark." "In 1898 the Spanish-American War was fought between the US and Mexico. It gave rise to American generals such as Robert T. Lee and proved itself a highly useful war." "Admiral Dewey snak the Spanish Armada at Vanilla Bay." "Teddy ("J.R.") Roseavekd spoke softly, threatened with his big stick and built the Panema Canal through Mexico." "The Russiam Revolution of 1905 began about 1907." "The five European grade powers were England, France, Germany, Russia and Australia-Mongolia." Next: WWI
post #34 of 58
"Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians - a situation which troubled them for life."

. . . which was mercifully short . . .
post #35 of 58
Thread Starter 
"World War I broke out around 1912-1914." "Germany was on one side of France and Russia was on the other." "The Germans used the "Schleppen Plan" to surprise France by attacking through Bulgaria, which is not far from Paris." "Ausria fought the Snerbs. The British used mostly Aztec troops to fight at Gallipoli. Italy joined the Allies and this was useful because of their common border with Australia." "Florence of Arabia fought over the dessert." "Military tachnology progressed with ideas such as guns which would shoot generally straight. At war people get killed and then they aren't people anymore, but friends. When peace broke out the men excitedly relieved themselves wherever they were." "Actually, more people died from Spanish Fly than from the war itself." "It is hard to believe that all who tok part in the war were first cousins, but stranger things have happened. I guess." Next: The Russian Revolution
post #36 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Russia's chances in this war were largely farfetchual." "Nicholas II let himself be pulled into strainful positions by his wife. To make matters worse, his son was diagnosed with hemophilatelism, a sickness which required him to fall down and hurt himself badly." "Rasputin made friends with the Zeitgeist. Russian generals were idiots and Russian industry could only produce one or two bullets every year." "All this and more was predicted by Lenin in 'Capitalism: the Highest Stage of Socialism." "In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home on a soiled train." "Nearly everybody breathed a sigh of relief when the Communists were able to restore chaos." (Hemophilatelism: (n) a genetic disease, wherein one bleeds on ones stamp collection )
post #37 of 58
I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed reading these. Glancing through quickly, I assumed that these were written by middle or high school students. It's a little bit frightening to see that they were college students! Funny!! Do you have more?
post #38 of 58
Thread Starter 
"Peace was proclaimed at Versigh, which was attended by George Loid, Primal Minister of England. President Wilson arrived with fourteen pointers. When Woodrow Wilson suffered a stroke, the head cheerleader for the League of Nations lost his pompoms." "Germany was displaced after World War I. The Treaty of Trianon cost Hungary more than six fifths of its land." "Cat berets were a favorite form of German entertainment at this time." "Berlin became the decadent capital, where all forma of sexual deprivations were practised." "The Beer Hall Putsch was a popular lesbian on the large scale." "The Teapot Doom scandal was a factor leading to Prohibition." "When the Davy Jones Index crashed in 1929 many people were left to political incineration." "Lennon ruled in Russia. He was the first zar of the Soviet Union." "Stalin expanded capitalism by building machine tractor stations." "As Nazi leader of Communist Germany, Hitler was one leader who wanted all for himself and none for all." "Citizens were often enlightened with lies." "Nazi Germany and Italy agreed to the Pact of Steal. Thus was formed the alliance between the Anxious Powers." "Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho." Moosealini rested his foundations on eight million bayonets and invaded Hi Lee Salasy." "The policy of appeasement might have worked, however, if it was not for Hitler." Next: WWII
post #39 of 58
Too funny! Actually laughed out loud. Reads like 6 Monty Python bits rolled into one!
post #40 of 58
Thread Starter 
I ahve to get this book backt the library, so I'm doubling up the chapters. "Few were surprised when the National League failed to prevent another world war." "Germany invaded Poland, France invaded Belgium and Russia inveded everybody." "The Germans took the by-pass around France's Marginal Line. This was know as the 'Blintz Kreig'. The French huddled up and threw sneers at the Germans. Japan boomed Pearl Harbor, the main US base in southern California. American sailors watched in shock as the sky filled with Japanese zebras!" "The German invaders were popular for a while in Russia, but their habit of slaughtering innocent civilians tended to give them an image problem. The Russians defended Stalingrad feercely, as the city was nomed after Lenin." "Stalin, Rosevelt,Churchill and Truman were known as the 'Big Three'." "Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep and then shot himself in the bonker." "Unfortunately, the Second World War was not concluded until 1957." "War screeched to an end whena nukuleer explosion was dropped on Heroshima." (Gee, can't imagine why Hitler was depressed.)
post #41 of 58
. . . and where exactly is a person's bonker? . . .
post #42 of 58
If the Japanese were flying zebras over California, what were they dropping on the ships? I know what drops from zebras...ewww! No wonder we attacked them - what a mess!
post #43 of 58
Thread Starter 
Im just glad that the Russians, finally, fixed that image problem - it only took them 50 years!
post #44 of 58
Thread Starter 
"World War II became the Cold War, because Benjamin Franklin Roosevelt did not trust Lenin and Stalin. A ironed curtain fell across the haunches of Europe." "The ball of events and stoppers that were used to stop it from rolling only added to its momentum which kept it rolling." "Poland migrated toward the Atlantic Ocean." "The Marsha Plan put Europe back together with help from Konrad Adenauer, a French leader whose efforts led to the Communist Market." "The USSR and USA became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent." "Israel was founded despite the protests of local Arabs known as Zionists." "Berlin was airlifted westward and divided into pieces." "Wars fought in the 1950s and after include the Crimean War, Vietnam and the Six-Minute War. John F. Kennedy worked closely with the Russians to solve the Canadian Missile Crisis." "Yugoslavia's Toto became a non'eventualist communist. Hochise Min mounted the power curve in Viet Nam. Korea became a peninsula. Chairman Moo tried to forclothes all outside ideas in China." "The French Empire fell into total term-oil as they clutched painfully at remaining colonies in Argentina and the Far East." "Actually, the fall of empires has been a good thing, because it gives more people a chance to exploit their own people without outside interference." "The Civil Rights movement in the USA turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous 'If I Had a Hammer' speech. The wealing and dealing of President Lynda B. Johnson was another important factor." "Richard Nixon felt free to shed his morels after defeating Hubert Hoover. Famous women since the Second World War are Queen Victoria and India Gandy." "Mentally speaking, Russia had to reinvent itself. This introduced many western policies to Russia, such as the use of strippers at clubs."
post #45 of 58
If these students could write this way on purpose, I'd like to become their agent!
post #46 of 58
Canadian Missle Crisis, eh? "Blame Canada! Blame Canada"
post #47 of 58
And how did we miss Lynda B Johnson, our first woman president!
post #48 of 58
These are too funny! I like the one about the Teapot "Doom" Scandal lol.
post #49 of 58
Thread Starter 
"History grundled onward. International relationships moved to the broodle stage." "East and West made mends with each other. The Berlin Mall was removed. Many Eastern Europeans experienced a new form of arousal at this time." "Manifest Destiny is China yarning to embrace Thai Won as a kind of imperialist foreplay." "Rumania's Chou Tse Cu was deplaced from his pedisal. Yugoslavia moved toward the edge of its end, trebled and plunged into the bowels of deconstruction." "One major source of conflict since WWII has been Israel's relations with the Parisians. The Carter administration found itself face to face with this problem during the so-called Iran Hostess Crisis." "The Pershing Gulf War began when Satan Husane invaided Kiwi and Sandy Arabia. This was an act of premedication." :Corruption grew especially ripe in Zaire, where Mobutu was known to indulge in more than an occaisonal little armadillo." "Sub-Sonora Africa still counts many people treated like second hand citizens."
post #50 of 58
ROTFL! I don't even know where to start on that one!!! Israel fighting the Parisians - Satan Husane - imperialist foreplay....hysterical!!
post #51 of 58
Grundled and broodle should be words. They sound wonderful. Who are we to twart creativity? I was sorry to hear that the Berlin Mall was moved before I got a chance to shop there...
post #52 of 58
Thread Starter 
Grundled and broodle sound like something out of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky", don't they?
post #53 of 58
Who am I to talk? TWART instead of thwart!!
post #54 of 58
Thread Starter 
"The historicle period ended shortly after World War II-III. Historians and others attempt to pin the tail on the reluctant monkey of change." "The public appears no brighter than aherd of lemmings spreading toward a cliff. Thus has our stream of conciousness developed a waterfall." "There has beena change of social seen. The last stage is us. We, in all humidity, are the people of currant times." "It is now the age of now. This concept grinds our critical, seething minds to a halt."
post #55 of 58
Okay, I'm not much for watching the news, but how did I miss WW III? Darn.
post #56 of 58
Unfortunately I have to agree with one of them.

The public appears no brighter than aherd of lemmings spreading toward a cliff.
Have you all noticed that the public in general is getting dumber by the minute???
post #57 of 58
You're so right! I always thought currants were only good for my mother to use in jelly making.
Actually, you have to give this last kid some credit. If he/she could ease up a bit on his metaphors and learn to spell, he wouldn't be a bad writer.
post #58 of 58
Thread Starter 
At last, the end of the book. It is probably safe to assume that every American college freshman knows the following:
  • 2 George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy and Richard Nixon served as presidents of the US. Wahington was the first president and Lincoln also lived a long time ago, while the latter two were in the twentieth century.
  • 3 The US still suffers from the horrors of its slaveholding past, whenever that was. The Civil War, which took place sometime between 1750 and 1930, was mixed up with this.
  • 4 Adoplh Hitler (a foreigner of some kind) was a very bad man.
  • 5 There was at least one World War, but absolutely not more than three.
OOPS, somehow, I lost #1: At some point in the distant past, the US fought a war of independence against a major European or Asian power. A extraordinary Tea Party was a factor.
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