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post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
well thats what i feel like i have to do anyway...

after two months of travelling together my boyfriend and i have split up now we've come home.

being with him for two months 24/7 made me see he wasnt the sort of person i wanted to be with any more and there wasnt any hope for our future.

it turns out he is a very controling person and sulks when he doesnt get his own way. in the 9 weeks we were travelling he was violent towards me five times as well as being threatening and menacing on many other occassions.

even though i know this is for the best, i mean, can you imagine if i ever lived witht his guy for real? its still really hard as we had so many good times whilst travelling together.

so, if i seem a bit distant for a while or dont reply to pm's please understand why.
post #2 of 22
Wow! I'm sorry but now is the best time to find out something like that, he sounds like such a jerk. Travelling with some one is the best way to see their true colors. Good luck in the future!
post #3 of 22
Awww Nicky i'm so sorry because i hate to hear of breakups But like my mum always used to say " You never get to know a person until you live with them ", and although you didn't live together being with each other for that length of time 24/7 has given you a sample of it in a way

My only advice is to take it one day at a time chick and you will get there
post #4 of 22
Thread Starter 
thanks

its not so hard as i expected, we've been split up a week now. i have really good friends who have been really supportive. it just sometimes it gets a bit lonely you know? not having anyone to txt stupid things to about your day etc

apart from that i'm enjoying spending time by myself, being able read lots and having lots of time for job hunting.

oh and best of all, i've voulenteered at my local cat rescue group to fill all the spare time i now have
post #5 of 22
I've always said Nicky if you have your friends to be there for you your sorted, because i would have been lost without mine.
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
I've always said Nicky if you have your friends to be there for you your sorted, because i would have been lost without mine.
thats so true susan.

plus, they are all really glad i'm single again as they all are. a group of us are thinking about trying speed dating for a laugh
post #7 of 22
Nicky,
I don't know much about your situation but I just wanted to commend you on being aware of the problems that you made mention of and for standing up and doing something about it Removing yourself from that situation was one of the best things you could have done for yourself. I know it's hard, and there are downtimes where you feel sad and lonely, but you have saved yourself so much heartache in the future. This guy sounds like he is no good for you and I am so glad you got out of it. So many people go through relationships with blinders on thinking one day the other person will change and things will just improve overnight. More often than not they don't and you end up regretting so much. Anyway, all this to say I am very proud of you!
post #8 of 22
Congratulations on your good sense.

What is speed dating?
post #9 of 22
I'm so sorry you're going through this now Nicky, but you really are to be commended for making such a wise and mature decision. I wish your heart well.
post #10 of 22
As always Nicky, I wish you the best for the future.
post #11 of 22
Well done for seeing the problem and dealing with it so maturely. It is hard sometimes but you have obviously got a lot of self-awareness and courage. I am glad you are finding a new life in your friends and activities, and I am sure there will be a new relationship, too, when the time is right.
post #12 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyranson
Well done for seeing the problem and dealing with it so maturely. It is hard sometimes but you have obviously got a lot of self-awareness and courage. I am glad you are finding a new life in your friends and activities, and I am sure there will be a new relationship, too, when the time is right.
couldn't have said it better myself! And a big thumb-up for volunteering at the cat rescue!!
post #13 of 22
One good thing, is that you found out about him, before you actually moved in together. Best of luck in the future. I know you will find the right man for you, when the time is right, and he'll be worth the wait.
post #14 of 22
Nicky,

I am glad you found out now versus later. It is to bad other couples don't test their relationship in this way. They might be in for surprises.

Before Mike and I got married, I traveled with him to a remote spot on Alaska while he calibrated the earth station there. We were literally stuck in a small room no television, no radio except a ham radio for emergencies. There was one bed, a dresser, a small closet and a dinky bathroom shower only. We were there for two weeks. We found out a lot about each other, read a lot of books, took some pretty frosty walks (it was 12-28 below most days) But we emerged stronger and more secure in our friendship.

If it is the right guy, it works out. If it is wrong, no matter how it hurts or scares you- walk away. I am glad you walked away
post #15 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by maverick_kitten
well thats what i feel like i have to do anyway...

after two months of travelling together my boyfriend and i have split up now we've come home.

being with him for two months 24/7 made me see he wasnt the sort of person i wanted to be with any more and there wasnt any hope for our future.

it turns out he is a very controling person and sulks when he doesnt get his own way. in the 9 weeks we were travelling he was violent towards me five times as well as being threatening and menacing on many other occassions.

even though i know this is for the best, i mean, can you imagine if i ever lived witht his guy for real? its still really hard as we had so many good times whilst travelling together.

so, if i seem a bit distant for a while or dont reply to pm's please understand why.
I think you're a very stong woman! It is really hard for some people to do what's best because they love the other person. I know it is hard for you. I hope your experience traveling is still thought of as a positive one, and not darkened by his attitude.

I think you will have a lot of happiness in your future now.
post #16 of 22
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone for your support

its really hard because of course we had so many good moments and ironically the times where he was aggressive and violent were the only times we argued.

today was made a little easier by the fact that he txt me to have a go at me for telling a good friend why we split up. he wasnt sorry he did it or that we had split up, just that people might find out what he's really like.

every time i go to miss him it seems like he shows me why we are apart!

looking forward to helping with the cats. i get to be the person who takes them to Pets At Home (english version of petsmart) and talks to the people who want to adopt them. cant wait! have been told that they might also want my help with a newsletter and posters which is great as i'm such a computer geek! lol

speed dating: heres the website so you can see what it is. http://www.speeddater.co.uk/ my friends been dying to go for a year and now she has a willing partner in crime! lol (not that i'm looking for anyone else, just looks like fun!)
post #17 of 22
On the one hand I'm sorry to hear about the breakup but on the other hand its good that you found this out know. How was you trip though overall??? I've watched TV programs about speed dating-looks like fun!! Have a good time with it.
post #18 of 22
Wow, Nicky. You are the person I admire most today. If more women had your no nonsense approach to what they will not tolerate, there would be a lot fewer abused women out there.

Bravo.
post #19 of 22
sounds like he wasnt worth your time and i see that you were smart enough to relize it also even tho it may hurt best of luck for the future and finding a great guy that is worth your time
post #20 of 22
Oh Nikki *hugs* I am so sorry but I am glad you got out now rather than later on....

I hope it gets easier for you soon, as I know even though he was awful to you its still hard to walk away...but it will get easier I promise.

Wow...helping the cats what a fantastic thing to do....I really admire you and I am sure you will be a great help as well as having a really good time.

Know we are all here for you if you need us

Take care

Eva x
post #21 of 22
Nicky, was this the boyfriend that you were trying to break up with before? Good luck moving on.
post #22 of 22
Thread Starter 
[quote=GailC]How was you trip though overall??? QUOTE]


the thing is apart from all that the trip was amazing and we had so much fun! obviously it wasnt all bad times otherwise i would have got the first plane home about a week in. thats what makes it so hard, if he was a total monster it would be easier. he was like jekyll and hyde, one minute really kind and caring, the next screaming in my face.

ryan- yes it was the same guy. i thought because all the stuff before was so out of charachter he deserved another chance. turns out that people dont change


thanls again everyone, knowing your all here makes it so much easier
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