This woman..stoops even lower

You are doing a great job and one day his kids will realise this.

I can understand how hard it is for them, but they must also realise what a fantastic person you are as well.

Trust me - They WILL soon understand how much of a fantastic person you are. Unfortunately they are under the control of their Mother who will be brainwashing them to hate you, and possibly to hate their Father.

It took me many years to forgive my Father but as I got older I understood what had happened in the past.

Please stick it out and keep the faith. You are a wonderful person and don't you every forget it!!
And remember - Your cats love you!!!

hehehe..yes my kitties do love me i have bunches curled up around me right now

And thats what you have to think of every time something bad happens with this "Kids" issue.

Stay strong!

Originally Posted by jane_vernon

And thats what you have to think of every time something bad happens with this "Kids" issue.

Stay strong!

Click to expand...

Thanks. What really stinks about it..is the arguement that has steamed from it with me and Steve...*le sigh*

Aaaaw sweetheart you're never the bad guy - it's just what the kids think simply because their own mother is evil enough and immature enough to want them to think that way. They don't know any better because the infomation they get from their mother is all tainted. I agree that Steve ought to really put his foot down on this one - because he loves you, and he should be seeing how much this hurts you too. "Mother" should certainly get a telling from Steve, and I really feel the kids need to know the truth. The sooner the better really, because otherwise it's going to be harder and harder for them to accept it as they get older. Old habits die hard. Keep your chin up and keep fighting, you're doing the right thing and you're an incredibly strong woman for doing it. If it carried on though, perhaps you should stop buying the gifts, that would really hit home when they realise that you have been putting in all that effort.

Originally Posted by LilleKat

Aaaaw sweetheart you're never the bad guy - it's just what the kids think simply because their own mother is evil enough and immature enough to want them to think that way. They don't know any better because the infomation they get from their mother is all tainted. I agree that Steve ought to really put his foot down on this one - because he loves you, and he should be seeing how much this hurts you too. "Mother" should certainly get a telling from Steve, and I really feel the kids need to know the truth. The sooner the better really, because otherwise it's going to be harder and harder for them to accept it as they get older. Old habits die hard. Keep your chin up and keep fighting, you're doing the right thing and you're an incredibly strong woman for doing it. If it carried on though, perhaps you should stop buying the gifts, that would really hit home when they realise that you have been putting in all that effort.

Click to expand...

Yup...I decided last night I wont buy the gifts. I will remind steve that he has to do it. (hes very very forgetfull) and I will be polite in that manner. But I am not going to buy them. I will also be returning the nice rider outfits i bought for them. and the tack for the horses. (well ok i might keep some of it as it helps me out lol) but i also have to make it clear. I am not the bad guy. But i deserve respect as an adult...

Of course you deserve respect as an adult from a child. But didn't this specific situation arise from a letter that she wrote to her Dad? You can't hold against her something she wrote in a letter, the letter is her way of communicating with him how she feels.... If she was disrespectful to you directly she should be corrected. But whatever she said in the letter had nothing to do with respect. Let's not forget her mom was probably coaching her a bit. Also, you can't confuse respect with having a relationship. When it comes to a kid I think there are 2 types of respect. There is the respect that they are taught to have towards adults, and then there is the respect that have for you when you become their friend and someone they trust.
I am just worried that you might be taking things to heart a bit more than you should and I worry it is discouraging you from continuing to try. Things will be different when you are able to spend quality time with these kids. Right now they don't really know you so you can't expect them to like you, you desperately need a chance to be a part of their lives. It isn't going to get better right now, not from so far away.

Originally Posted by squirtle

Of course you deserve respect as an adult from a child. But didn't this specific situation arise from a letter that she wrote to her Dad? You can't hold against her something she wrote in a letter, the letter is her way of communicating with him how she feels.... If she was disrespectful to you directly she should be corrected. But whatever she said in the letter had nothing to do with respect. Let's not forget her mom was probably coaching her a bit. Also, you can't confuse respect with having a relationship. When it comes to a kid I think there are 2 types of respect. There is the respect that they are taught to have towards adults, and then there is the respect that have for you when you become their friend and someone they trust.
I am just worried that you might be taking things to heart a bit more than you should and I worry it is discouraging you from continuing to try. Things will be different when you are able to spend quality time with these kids. Right now they don't really know you so you can't expect them to like you, you desperately need a chance to be a part of their lives. It isn't going to get better right now, not from so far away.

Click to expand...

She had done it to me directly on the phone as well. This is a contiuneing thing. I have said I will not stop trying. I am not like that. But I also will not be a door matt. I dont think I should have to be. She does not have to like me if she choses not to..that is her choice fully. I would like her to..as i love her. but it is her choice. However. She does have to respect me as an elder. And this is a contiuneing thing. I agree it was a letter to steve. but the words that were said, are also words no child should EVER use towards an adult. So not to be used, they can not be directly placed in this family friendly forum.

Maybe I am missing something... How old is she? You said she has not been allowed to see you, does that mean ever?

Originally Posted by squirtle

Maybe I am missing something... How old is she? You said she has not been allowed to see you, does that mean ever?

Click to expand...

She is 10 years old. We have not formaly met in person as of yet. because her mother has not allowed it. We have spoken on the phone many times. And she has photos of me and the horses and such (per her own request) I know i am younger. (22 to steves 32) which rubs the ex horribly jealous ..and i know alot of it has to do with the ex filling her head with these things. But I also will not stand for being called the names I was..in the letter and once on the phone..

I was not in any way saying for you to tolerate it.
It is much easier for you to understand and accept the fact that Steve has a child than it is for her, at age 10, to understand the concept of having a stepmom, so to speak. She has never met you and you can not expect her to like you. You are going back and forth between 2 different things, respect and a relationship. Respect, you deserve but as we all know kids are not always respectful. Where are kids taught respect? From their parents, and what influence is she under right now? Her mothers, who you have made perfectly clear to us is not the perfect role model. I guess what I am trying to say in all of this is that as a child she is innocent in all of this. I hate to think about what she is going through if her mother is as you have explained and corrupts her mind with terrible things about her own father. She needs someone who will understand what she is going through and someone who will be there for her, consistently.
I really do hope that one day your able to be that person for her. I know you want to be and I think she really needs it.

I must say (really, I must!) how impressed I am with the thoughtful, intuitive and right on responses here from Squirtle.

I would just emphasize one word from her last post - consistency. I think it is key in how you relate to her.

I can really empathize, though not in your position, I see/am in it from another perspective..and that is all I'll say on a public board.

Originally Posted by squirtle

I was not in any way saying for you to tolerate it.
It is much easier for you to understand and accept the fact that Steve has a child than it is for her, at age 10, to understand the concept of having a stepmom, so to speak. She has never met you and you can not expect her to like you. You are going back and forth between 2 different things, respect and a relationship. Respect, you deserve but as we all know kids are not always respectful. Where are kids taught respect? From their parents, and what influence is she under right now? Her mothers, who you have made perfectly clear to us is not the perfect role model. I guess what I am trying to say in all of this is that as a child she is innocent in all of this. I hate to think about what she is going through if her mother is as you have explained and corrupts her mind with terrible things about her own father.

She needs someone who will understand what she is going through and someone who will be there for her, consistently.
I really do hope that one day your able to be that person for her. I know you want to be and I think she really needs it.

Click to expand...

I do appreciate your advice. Really. Its good. And I do know most of it is her mother, and I agree. Its a parents job to teach respect. I do. And I plan on being there for her. When she needs it no matter what. I am there for her. I know its more Steves place to discipline on this as well. But as far as the gifts..I also do not wish her to think, or to give her mother the ammo that I am trying to buy love. I am not at all. I do it to be thoughtfull and nice. I will still contiune with the letters I write, the general letters, and I even include. Letters from the horses, and Such. And the updated pictures will always be sent. Christmas, and Birthday and appropriate cards for all holdidays and special congrats with school things as well.

But the extra gifts, I am going to have to set aside from now. Thats just something I feel I have to do. I can put a relationship in her court. I am open to having one. but I understand she may not be ready to. and thats OK i wont push it. I know having it pushed on you makes you push against it. My dads live in girl friend of 7 years tried that with me. Of course she was a looney toon..but..thats beside the point.

But I also want it known. from me. that its not approriate to use the kind of language that was used towards me in any form. she can say she dislikes me. That is ok. as i said she does not have to like me right now. But she can not call me foul mouthed names. Its not nice. But its also not respectfull. If my saying that politely upsets her I am will appologize for it. But will not back down from it. I want to be her friend. and in time if she allows me a role model, and her rock. But I also have to be the adult, and tell her..if no one else will. That language like that towards any adult. if you like them or dislike them..is not tolerated.

I know for me, it was never tolerated.

Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

I must say (really, I must!) how impressed I am with the thoughtful, intuitive and right on responses here from Squirtle.

I would just emphasize one word from her last post - consistency. I think it is key in how you relate to her.

I can really empathize, though not in your position, I see/am in it from another perspective..and that is all I'll say on a public board.

Click to expand...

*HUGS* if you want to shate..you can email or Pm me...i know sometimes its hard to share this stuff..

Gosh...you have gotten good advice, so i dont feel too bad saying.....


What a .....

and what a brat that ..... is going to raise if she keeps this crap up...


I am so sorry......

Originally Posted by Nebula11

Gosh...you have gotten good advice, so i dont feel too bad saying.....


What a .....

and what a brat that ..... is going to raise if she keeps this crap up...


I am so sorry......

Click to expand...

HUGS

thank you