Originally Posted by valanhb
Jenn, I'm sending you the most calming and peaceful vibes and energy that I can.
No matter what the diagnosis, no matter how similar, you are not the same person. You can make choices. You always have choices and the power to choose. You're a strong woman, and I know you can make it through today, tomorrow, next year, and many anniversaries no matter how bitter.
I know you to be one of the br ightest and most intelligent people in all of Canada, much less TCS.
I so think Heidi's words reasonate logic, sense, and truth. Let me tell you something: I never had a mother, really. My own mother was forced to watch her own mother commit suicide when Charlotte (my mother) was just 14. It affected her so deeply that for some reason - and totally unseen or forewarned to my father - she began acting very strangely right after I was born. It seemed that she wanted the boys but a little girl was too much stress. She was only 22, and she was begining a deep spiral into bi-polar psychosis, which nobody really knew about, much less saw coming. The psychological trigger and stressor, was, of course, her mother/my grandmother's death but in the 1960's there wasn't a lot being done for bi-polar people. My mother decided to handle her depression by trying to take my life, and I have a scar to this day to prove it. Had it not been for my older brother watching and making a noise in the hall, and my father coming home from grad school early because he had a very ominous feeling something was really wrong at home, I would not be here.
Years and years went by and do you know what it's like to have the school nurse pull you out of class every year with her white coat, just to make you look at inkblots and reasure your father that "no, your daughter is not crazy." -? My family watched me like a hawk for years, until I was about 22, to make sure that I had not turned out like my mother, who never wished to se me again and was sadly committed to a special hospital by my father thereafter. As an adult, I was determined to never let what happened to my mother, happen to me. But what a surprise when the golden child of our family, my older brother who could do nothing wrong and with the fabulous life, turmed out to have the gene profile and for the past 10 years has been spiraling down inside his own manic depression.
He, himself, is a different person and knows his proclivity to this disease - and he's determined to control it, not let it control him. We have much sadness in our family too, my dear Jen, and I'm not sure my writing here has even helped you one iota, but YOU have the gift of beauty, brains, will, and, yes, medicine, that your father did not have then. YOU can make a difference. YOU have been chosen to survive and make it RIGHT,
where it wasn't before. YOU are the chosen one for all that is good, so let that be your strength and weapon and angel unto yourself.