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To get it off my chest

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I'm tired of trying to be strong. Lately I feel I've just been going through the motions. It takes the smallest thing to make me so angry or to start me bawling. I'm having a horrible time to focus... at work I tend to work through lunch for the mere fact that I hate sitting down and not having anything to do for a long period of time.

All I want to do is sleep but when I get into bed I can't or I sleep so hard that I don't feel rested at all.

I've extended a few offers to my mom to come visit me but I can't bring myself to come right out and say 'I need you'.

I do however have an appointment tomorrow with my dr to talk about my medication that I'm on.

Some days I am completely fine.... other days (like today) I just want to curl up and not do anything.

Thanks for listening (reading).
post #2 of 19

Sending you lots of hugs. I don't think anyone can be strong all of the time. It just wears on you. I think you need to let it all out occasionally. We are all here to listen. I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I'm glad you are seeing your doctor tomorrow. He may be able to help you.
post #3 of 19
Thread Starter 
I'm just tired of it all.... the deployment, my moms second heart attack... Losing a friend... the stress at work... I've had it!!! I wish I could talk to DH more... We talk maybe once a week and I know that is more than some people get and I shouldn't complain but i have friends that hear from their husbands daily and all they do is brag and stuff... its just too much.

Ohhh and what really gets me is when people here at work get calls from their dh's while they are working or they are too busy emailing back and forth and I have to pick up the slack....... I mean I am seriously jealous of how frequently they get to talk and its in my face all the time.... I'm jealous and mad because I'm really busy with my own things and then when they say "do this for me so I can chat" it really really chaps my you know what.
post #4 of 19
My ex-hubby was in the Navy, and though it wasn't active war at the time, the extreme lonliness of having your spouse gone is really so hard. I'm sorry you have so much to deal with right now. Cyber hugs to you!
post #5 of 19
post #6 of 19
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It'll be better soon. Maybe you can go home a curl up with the kitties and have a good cry? That helps me when I'm down and can't talk to anyone. Just a thought.
post #7 of 19
Ali, I know the spouses have a support system/support group, or at least they did here in NJ. Contact one of the other spouses. Maybe they can help with some of the loneliness.

Let your doctor know what is happening. It sounds like the medication isn't working. And for goodness sake, open up to Mom.
post #8 of 19
I hope thing will improve for you!!
post #9 of 19
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Sweets
Ali, I know the spouses have a support system/support group, or at least they did here in NJ.
I'm very active with my FRG... I just don't like many of them enough to open up to them... its a little catty in my unit....
post #10 of 19
I understand what you're saying - in my 25-year marriage to an undemonstrative husband, I've gone through several separations due to my visits to my family on another continent, or due to my job, and there were many times when I was depressed because our contact was limited to short, weekly phone calls or faxes, while I saw others get daily calls/constant emails, etc.. However - my sister, twice-divorced, always seemed to end up with abusive, controlling husbands who kept in constant touch with her over the course of the day. One of my students proudly told me that her fiancé was so in love with her that he constantly called, sent text messages, or dropped by at school. Do you really want to know what happened to her? Once she'd been married a few years, and got fed up with his controlling her every movement, she rebelled. The result was that he strangled her and their 3-year-old son to death. Constant contact doesn't necessarily mean deep love; it can mean mistrust or an effort to control. I've learned a lot from the cats I've had - be amenable to cuddling, but maintain your independence by not allowing yourself to be smothered by another, or by your desire to be "smothered" with love,
post #11 of 19
Beth - I had no clue all the things you've had to go through lately. (this is what happens when I go on a long hiatus from the boards). Lots of hugs from me and Eb and Lilly. I'm always here when you want to chat.
post #12 of 19
Lots of hugs.
post #13 of 19
oh sweetheart, being separated from the one you love is one of the hardest things. I had to make the hard decision to do that when I decided to come home to NZ and I told him that I wanted him to finish his schooling before he came over to make it easier on him. We talk just about every day, we find a way to contact each other but its not so easy when there is the time difference to consider and now that daylights savings has started here and ended there, its a lot harder. I try to keep myself busy, I had a job interview yesterday and so am hoping that I am lucky, even though its just temp work but if I do get it, it will tide me over while looking for other work. I read a lot, I have been out in the garden a lot since it is spring and it is in dire need of work. And I do know how hard it is when other people say how much they miss their loved ones - for example my friend was saying how much she missed her boyfriend but he is just a few hours drive from here and they still see each other and talk on the phone. Jake and I only have online contact and no face to face contact.

I really feel for you - when does he finally get back??? But I can say one thing, it is obvious that you two have a lot of love for each other and I think that is a wonderful thing. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

I wish I had something intelligent to say.
post #14 of 19
You poor darling. It gets so hard sometimes doesn't it? It sounds like maybe you do need your Mum and I'm sure if you did come right out and tell her she'd be there in a flash. Let us know how your doctor's appointment goes. Lots of love and hugs to you
post #15 of 19
Awww Beth, I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time.
post #16 of 19
Depression feels like such an awful thing, does`nt it?
I`m sorry things are hard for you right now and I pray they will get better soon.
When i`m feeling that way I allow myself to have a "pity party day" where I cry if I feell like it, sleep and eat as much as i want and hole up in the house...then the next day, whether I feel like it or not...I do something nice for someone else, be it a phone call to someone else who needs it, a flower or two, or a visit...and while i`m at it I call a friend and make plans to do something fun with them the following day. Sometimes if i`m feeling down enough it may not be a whole day "fun thing"....maybe just lunch....but I always feel better for awhile.
I hope you get to feeling better soon!
post #17 of 19
Thread Starter 
I went to talk to my dr today. She is really wonderful. She's adjusting my medication and I'm going back in 2 weeks. If there is no change she is going to refer me to a dr off post to talk to and see what is going on... I might just need someone neutral to talk to about things... but thank you all for lending a kind ear. I really appreciate all of you on the site.
post #18 of 19
Originally Posted by Ali012281
I'm very active with my FRG... I just don't like many of them enough to open up to them... its a little catty in my unit....
I've seen here how gossipy and catty FRGs can be . Have you thought about joining a Waiting Spouses support group? Your ACS should have information on who is leading that.

I'm glad things went well at the doctor. Have you thought about seeing a therapist? Maybe going on-post to the Behavioral Health Clinic? That'd be free and could be so helpful in getting you through this difficult time.
You're in my prayers Beth.
post #19 of 19
Aw Beth - that's no good. You're in my thoughts.
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