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please help, raoul doesnt like me anymore

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Hi !

I am posting this because I am having some issues with my baby, Raoul. He is the middle of three cats, (Samurai is 1 1/2 and Raja is 3 mosand he is almost 8 mos old). He is very independent and has always been so, but lately, he acts like he hates me. He won't let me pick him up, and if I am able to grab him and give him kisses he pulls away and meows angrily until I set him down. I cannot give him up, it is not an option, but I am beginning to wonder if he is unhappy with me, because my other two babies are such lovers...

Please help with suggestions, I have tried hollistic anti-anxiety drops to the water, special treats, and extra play time, but he won't have it....


post #2 of 8
Courtney, as difficult as this may sound, you need to leave him alone. The one thing that is going to make him actively avoid you more than anything else is if you `grab' him and force affection on him when he doesn't want it. He's just a baby, and he wants to do his own thing.

Cats don't like having our needs forced on them - you need to pretty much ignore this kitty and let him do what he wants. He will come to you when he's ready. But at the moment all you are doing is reinforcing in his eyes that you are a threat to him, he doesn't trust you and he's certainly not going to let you cuddle him when he feels that way.

He may never become a cuddler, some cats aren't, and you may just have to accept this and love him anyway. But trust me if he is going to want to cuddle you, he's going to want to do it on his own terms, in his own time, and not because you want him to.

If you let him be, he will come to you eventually, and you might find that with a slow-growing trust that he becomes a lover like your other two!

PS - Is he neutered??
post #3 of 8
I would agree. He is growing up and he wants to be left alone. He does not appreciate being "grabbed" and given kissess. The growls are warnings that he does not need this type of attention, though it is clear that you must.

He is no longer a cuddly baby, if he isn't neutered, he needs to be. I always tell cat owners when they contact me about these types of problems, to stop thinking that their cat is human- "baby...child...brother...sister... Dangerous ways to think about cats because then you expect them to respond like you do, and they are not wired that way.

Ignore him, see to his needs, food, water, litter pan, health issues if they come up. And get him neutered, but don't get rid of him, don't drug him. Just leave him be.
post #4 of 8
I agree with the first two posts. Madden is about three months old and hasn't been a "cuddler" since day one. If you try to cuddle him, you'll get bitten. Plain and simple. So I completely ignored him, petted him before I fed him (he's REALLY loving then LOL) and left him to come to me if he wanted to. He was never skittish, just didn't like being loved on. The past week he has made amazing progress!! As I'm typing this, he's laying in my lap purring and letting me pet him. The trick is, let him come to you. If its his idea its fine! Also make sure that if he does come to you, you let him go when he's ready and only pet him, don't hold him just yet. If he feels like he can't get away when he's ready, it will be harder for him to want to come back to you. Patience is key! Good luck and welcome to TCS!
post #5 of 8
Courtney, I received your PM and was puzzled as you have not only posted your concern once, but twice. I have moved your one thread and bumped this one
post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
To Maddensmom and Sarah:

Thank you for your support. It is hard for me to understand that he may never be a snuggler like my other two. But, I am just going to back off and let him come to me when he is ready. He worries me because he used to like playing with the other cats, and now all of a sudden, doesn't. But, he is as he is... and I will, just let him be his lil individual self....
post #7 of 8
Cats are such independent souls -- my cats are both very affectionate, but ONLY on THEIR terms. My desire to snuggle them is sometimes overwhelming, but I've come to understand that it's MY desire, not theirs. Most cats perceive being picked up and held not as affection, but as imprisonment! They feel trapped and can't wait to get loose.

I've had better luck by expressing affection through gestures that simulate grooming -- stroking, nuzzling with my nose, that sort of thing. Cats understand these kinds of touches, and don't feel threatened by them.
post #8 of 8
Raven went through different phases growing up. For awhile she stopped sleeping in bed with me as she always did from the beginning and wouldn't let me pick her up, etc. But then after some time she's back to being loveable agian. Just give him some space to do his own thing - kind of like a teenager!
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