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My birthday wish

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
thankyou everyone for all the birthday wishes - that means a lot to me. As far as days go.... it's been quiet. And I've just recieved news that I'm not going to be able to speak to my son any more. His father and step-mum have very good reasons for asking me not to call - it's too upsetting for Alex, it's disrupts his behaviour and he gets very easily upset and irritable, and starts wetting himself. He does so well in between times that I call.... and then I call, and he suffers for a week or so with all these problems. He's settled down really really nicely - I hear lots of news from my mum about him doing so well in school and I'm going to get photos of his this week too. So I've been asked if I would mind not phoning... and just write him instead. I know how hard it is to be a parent, so I don't want to make life any more difficult for anyone through me being selfish - yes I dearly want to talk to him and hear his little voice, but I don't want to put HIM through that trauma. What kind of a mother would I be if I said that I didn't care what trouble he had, just so I could talk to him? I love him with every fibre of my being.... it's why I let him go somewhere where he was going to get better than i could give him... and let's face it... it's far better to break my heart than his. I wanted so badly to talk to him tonight..... but I'm not going to be able to. So I guess, for a few years, I won't be able to call him, or see him - I'm just going to ahve to write and hope that once he's old enough to read it for himself, he will.

So I have one birthday wish - Please say a prayer for my little boy.... and hope that God tells him his mummy misses him with all of her heart and soul - and loves him more than words would ever be able to tell him.

post #2 of 10
I will send many good wishes to your son. May he always be healthy and happy.
post #3 of 10
Lots of {{good}} vibes for you and your son. I'm sure once he's old enough he'll understand, and he will have your letters to let him know you love him
post #4 of 10
i'm not sure i get the whole story... did you give him up for adoption to his father and then move away? i am not yet a parent but i can only imagine what you're going through and i send prayers yours and your son's way. everything will work out in the end and you are being very unselfish by keeping distance right now if that is what is best for your son. i envy you and your courage. have a wonderful day.
post #5 of 10
Emma, you are so amazingly strong and such a wonderful understanding and caring mother! I know how difficult it must be for you, but you are certainly doing the right thing (and remember, you have SO much support here!)

Sending Angels to you and Alex! I know he will always know how much you love and miss him!
post #6 of 10
Oh my, This brought tears to my eyes. I also don't know the story, but I am sending you vibes and praying that he will understand some day. Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
post #7 of 10
I'm adding my tears and prayers too. I'm sure he knows you love him. Hopefully his daddy and step mom will tell him that too and explain to him as he grows older.
post #8 of 10
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles
I'm adding my tears and prayers too. I'm sure he knows you love him. Hopefully his daddy and step mom will tell him that too and explain to him as he grows older.
to you Emma. You have my deepest respect for your ability to see past your own aching heart, and do what is best for Alex.
post #9 of 10
This is heart breaking, Emma. You have the love only a Mother could have. Sending you great big hugs tonight as I pray for Alex.
post #10 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thankyou so much. I feel like my whole world has just fallen in. I want nothing more to just hold him and tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him. Now the only way I will get to see him is in photographs. To answer your question Shiraz, I let him go live with his father because I was simply in no position to raise him, financially, mentally, physically.... by the end of it, I was a total wreck, and Alex really wasn't getting all the love and care he deserved. Our circumstances were really bad, but I loved him and I wanted him to ahve so much better than I could give him. I loved him enough to let him go where I knew he would be better cared for - and by two parents. Yes, I moved away. So many people would call me selfish or heartless for "abandoning" my little boy - but it broke my heart to have to walk away hearing his little voice screaming for his mummy. It still haunts me - even when I sleep I can't get away from it. It's also the last memory I have of him... because I haven't seen him since that day. I'm just crushed that I have to let go of the last little shreds.... I wanted so much more for him... and now he has it....
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