ten NEW questions for YOU!

Well it's not completely true that I don't 'like' them, it's just a prefer the company of adults. I do adore my 6 year old nephew and spoil him to death, and I do enjoy my one on one time with him(which is few and far between because he lives in IN and I'm in MD) He knows how much his Aunt loves and misses him.

Even as a child myself, I never played with babydolls, never pretended to be a mommy. Never liked to babysit as a teenager.

I completely agree that children are our future, and they have a special innocence. My heart aches whenever I hear about any of them being hurt.

Personally, I just don't enjoy being around the ones that run around hooping and hollaring while I'm trying to visit with my friends (their parents) and much prefer my visting time with my buds if we are out without children or they are in bed. Maybe I should have said I like well behaved children, but not the unruly ones!

1. worst habit
biting nails, or procrastination

2. time of day
morning

3. celebrity
Bono from U2, I love the music he writes and the way he sings it. For some reason, I think he is very attractive! He is also a husband (married for 20 years), father (to 4 kids), and political activist. In concert, he has a way of making everyone feel like a part of what is happening.

4. creativity
I crochet , and also enjoy photography and singing.

5. animals
2 cats, 7 fish

6. coffee or tea
depends on my mood and the time of day

7. activity put off
horseback riding, and journal writing

8. kids
Yes, I like kids. I am a middle school teacher, so I do get a little tired of them sometimes. For those of you who don't like kids, there are times when I can completely understand. I don't have children of my own, aside from my students, and I am not sure that I will. I like my freedom and independence. I can completely understand where Sunlion is coming from

9. favorite movie
I have several, The Ref, The Usual Suspects, Traffic, anything with Harrison Ford

10. ideal place to live
somewhere with a short winter and lots of sun

I just tried to reply and it somehow it got erased. UGH.

I wanted to say I completely respect your opinion, you have a right to it. I was only trying to say that I personally am stumped at people who don't like kids. I believe that not behaved and unruly kids are a direct result of the parents. I believe that if you are inconsistent and don't discipline, than kids will be brats. I know this, I have a brother with a 2 year old like this. But when kids are acting like kids, then there is nothing wrong with that. Each and every one of us was a child, and we all did things to get on other people's nerves I am sure. There is no such thing as a "perfect" child. And anyone who expects perfection from one will never like or enjoy them. But, I understand if you aren't fond of them.

Sunlion, I feel sorry for you that you had such a troubled childhood. It seems that your daughter is now paying the price for it. Not being able to play house, or pretend, or just listen when your daughter wants to tell you something that is "important to her", is detrimental to her. I play 'kitchen' with my daughter almost daily. Her eyes light up when I eat her plastic bread and tell her how yummy it is. She is a loving, happy, very smart child because my husband and I take time to interact with her daily. And the best form of interaction for kids is thru PLAY. This is proven, ask any doctor. I find it immensely sad that you don't find joy in the normal things like playing with her, or listening to her tell you about the cartoon Arthur. I hope that you seek help for you and her before the damage is too far done. She will continue the same cycle you are in if it is not broken.

I 100% agree that unruly kids are a direction result of their parents. That reminds me though of my oldest and dearest friend, (known her since I was 6 ) who has 2 boys, and the youngest is a nightmare. He's been kicked out of 2 daycares. They had to rearrange their schedules so that one could be home during the day with him because there isn't a daycare that will keep him. When I'm over there he's tearing through the house, climbing on me, we can't have a conversation...it's awful. I see her discipline him. I think he's got hyperactive issues, and other things going on. He doesn't react to normal discipline. I know she's doing the best she can and is at her wits end.

Maybe he'll grow out of it (he's 4) The older boy (6) is a dream. He is mature and responsible for his age and always trying to help mom. My friend was a wild child growing up and I always tell her this is her payback for what she put her mom through.

The only time I'm around kids is when I'm home to visit my friends. I like to see the kids for a bit and then go do something one on one with my pals. I don't like to spend the whole evening with the children because then I don't get to visit with my friends (all of them have children 6 or under).

I don't even know if I want to have children. I never thought about it when I was younger, and my mom and grandmother always encouraged me to go to college, find a career and take care of myself before I thought about marriage or children. My mom gave up college to marry my dad at 18 and always regretted it. When they got divorced she couldn't find a decent job since she had nothing past a high school education and struggled to make ends meet. She never wanted me to go through that. So growing up all I heard was college first, and then everything else. My mom died the day after I graduated from high school, so I was determind to get through college for her.

Now that she's gone, and I have no family near me, having children isn't a priority. My family is fractured. If my mom were alive, I would probably want to have a child, but she's not, and it doesn't seem so important.

Sorry this is so long. Most people think I'm strange for not being in a hurry to get married (been with the S/O 5 years) and have children. I love the way my life is now, and the things I get to do. If I lived near my family maybe my priorities would be different.

I just want to add here that my mother never took the time to play with me, she never cared what I was doing, as long as I wasn't doing something I wasn't supposed to, and she never cared about what I had to say, she didn't want to be bothered. She never took me anywhere that is fun for kids, because it didn't fit into her schedule. (which didn't seem all that busy to me)

Sure, I survived. But I never forgot it. It still hurts, and when I got older, mom and I were not close at all. She is gone now, and of course I regret not being closer to her, but I don't beleive it was my fault.

When my baby gets to the age of wanting to play, I am going to do things so much different than my mom did. I have had alot of practice already with my hubby's kids when they were little, and I loved listening to them, even when it made no sense what they were saying, and playing with them, and doing the littles girls hair, (which my mom never did) and taking them fun places, like the park, or an amusement park, etc....8 years later, I am very close to those kids, closer than I was to my own mother.
So I plan on doing the same with my child. I don't want my child running to the bedroom and crying, like I did, because mommy has no time to listen to me or play with me, and I just feel like a big nuisance to her.

I'm not putting you down, Sunlion, or saying anything bad towards you, I am sure you are just having a bad day, but I think Daniela is right, this could really end up hurting your child in the long run, if you never have time to just do the silly stuff with her.
I really hope you don't take offense at that, because I think the world of you, and I know you are going through a horrible time right now, but your daughter needs your attention even more than normal during this hard time.

Sunlion - I think it must be hard to be the parent of an only child. I know both my children do exactly what you're saying, and some days it drives me to distraction. Actually, by the end of each day, I've had it with being interrupted, not being able to complete a thought, or even not being able to go to the bathroom by myself. Why is it so hard for children to learn that a shut bathroom door means don't come in? Also, I completely relate about your daughter constantly talking. My kids are the same way, especially my daughter. She talks ALL DAY LONG. And sometimes it would be nice to have some peace and quiet.

Some of us, even parents, simply don't enjoy playing children's games. I don't particularly enjoy playing kitchen, or cars, or trains, or other games. You know, I don't even like board games, and I never have. However, I don't think my children are being damaged because I don't play these games every day. I don't think they're being damaged because I sometimes tell them that I don't want to hear about the cartoon they're watching (or could they please wait until I'm finished with what I'm doing). I interact with my children in many different ways, like going to the park, playing outside, playing with the pets, blowing bubbles.

Every parent is different, every parent has different things they like doing with their kids. I agree that no interaction with your kids is damaging, but there are different levels and kinds of interaction, and it's really not fair to say that just because a parent doesn't like to play certain things means they're damaging their kids.

AP, I know what you're saying about not necessarily liking children. I love my kids, I like my kids, I even enjoy some of my friends kids. However, I would have to say in general, that I don't enjoy children. I hardly ever baby sat when I was young (and when I did, I didn't enjoy it), I didn't play dolls (I played vet!), I had no barbies. And I still prefer adults over children every day. Some people were made loving children, and some people weren't. It's perfectly understandable to me. Also, it makes a huge difference when the children are well behaved. I have a good friend who we do something with at least twice a week, and her children get on my last nerve. They simply are not well behaved, and she lets them get away with murder. I know it's the parents' fault, but that doesn't make me like her kids any more. But then I have another friend who has four children, and I love them. They're well behaved, respectful, happy, and polite. But I'd still rather spend time with their parents than the kids. So everyone who says they don't like kids, I understand!

Hope this post makes sense. Adam had us up at 6 am this morning, and I'm not a morning person.

I guess I am just biased, because of what I went through as a child. I am certainly not trying to judge anyone here.

I am an only child. My mom was home with me while I grew up, and although we did spend time together, I also did a lot of things by myself. There are lots of pictures of me being creative when I was little. I don't think I suffered because my parents were not there every second.

Children need companionship, but they also need to learn to respect the boundaries of others. Sunlion, maybe you could establish a certain time each day as Mommy's time, so your daughter knows that she has to do something with a friend or alone for that hour or whatever. Then you could do something together, or just talk about why your time is important to you.

I always enjoy being around my friends' kids, but I am also glad that they don't have to go home with me. I think working with adolescents makes me less ready to have kids of my own. Some days I love my students, and some days they drive me crazy. I can't imagine leaving work, and going home to more kids.

AP, I've rarely thought about having kids, either. When I do, they're always at least 5 or 6. I'm just not into the whole baby and toddler scene. And my friends wonder why I'm not pushing my fiance into marriage, we've been together 11 years. We have a good relationship, and are committed to each other. I do get tired of the questions, but I figure as long as we're happy, it doesn't matter.

Well, okay, I'm not much of a "let's pretend" person, but don't have the impression I ignore my child!

We do other things together. We do more crafty stuff, I take her places she enjoys like McDonald's or to feed the ducks. We have a Saturday schedule of going to places that do free or cheap children's crafts (Michael's, some Garden Ridge's, Lakeshore Learning center) which she really enjoys. I read to her and let her pick certain foods at the grocery store (like cereal or yogurt). We make playdates with her friends and even right now she has slept at a friend's last night.

I think part of it is an only child thing. The problem I have is, once I start playing with her, she doesn't want to let me leave. There's no "I'll spend 10 minutes doing play-doh with you then I have to clean the kitchen". If I sit down to do play-doh, she thinks I am going to keep playing with her until she's done then go on and play the next thing with her.

I also think part of it directly reflects the state of my marriage. I had such a hard time getting Jim's attention (I thought it was just part of his depression) and felt pretty bad about it, I guess I passed some of it along. So hopefully without that source of pain for me, some of the walls will come down.

Also, you know, I don't feel like I had a deprived childhood in regard to my folks. I didn't expect adults to have the same interests as I did, though I was always surprised to find out that mom did things that had nothing to do with me, like her Bible study or needlework. And things were different 30 years ago! We went grocery shopping once a week, not stop several times a week to pick some stuff up on the way home. Stores were not open after 5 or 6 at night. McDonald's didn't have a playland. There were no after school programs because most moms were home. All the kids played together in the afternoon, we weren't at scheduled activities, yards weren't fenced in, no video games. We were sent out to play, too, nobody was afraid of kids getting snatched. So she is, in a very real way, more dependent on me to amuse her than I was with my folks.

And, I am an introvert and a bit of a loner, which my daughter is not, so perhaps part of it is a matter of temperament.

So, just because I had a moment, my daughter is not neglected!

Oh, one other thought:

My daughter, for all I may struggle, is actually a good kid. She is not the kid I deserve either based on my parenting skills or due to myown temperament. She is an amazingly easy child, and always was. Even as a baby, she slept through the night (5 consecutive hours after midnight) almost from the start, was pleasant and cheerful, and never had an illness or a temper tantrum.

On the other hand, I know people who had children that were horrible from the word go. Many of them had more than one child, so they'd have one or two pretty good ones, and one that was a disaster. If it was parenting, wouldn't all the kids be a problem?

So I know that good or bad parenting can make a difference, but I think in a very big way that whatever kids are like, they pretty much come that way. Maybe I can influence her, but she is already herself and always was.

Oh no, I don't think either Daniela or myself thought you were neglecting her.

It sounds like you do spend alot of time doing fun stuff with her. I am sure you are a wonderful mother.

I just had to throw in about how my childhood was, because mom never did any of those things you do with your daughter.

One more thing...(sorry we got so off track in this thread, Blue)

My mother also did other things besides not paying any attention to me that have made me feel this way. She constantly put me down, and nothing I ever did was good enough. I'm sure you never do that to your child.

Mom said things to me that I can't even repeat here,(not cussing, just things I can't repeat) and I will never treat my child that way.

I certainly did not mean to start any sort of trouble here. I was just reacting to Sunlion's post, perhaps a bit harshly. Sorry sunlion if I offended you in any way. And I don't think you are neglecting your daughter, I was just stating how important I think it is to have good play interaction with your children. Its how they learn to be adults.

So, sorry if I ticked anyone off. I know we all have our own parenting styles, and I wasn't saying one was better than any other. I guess I am a "proactive" parent, and pay a lot of attention to my kids. Perhaps more than others.

Forgive me gals, I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

I'm not mad or offended, I just don't want to give a one-sided impression. If you only hear me complain about the yucky stuff, you might not realize there's good stuff too.

Yeah, we're way off subject! LOL.

Sunlion, you have a sugar glider? Cool, I love those! And Debby...you have a what? I'm not gonna page back...but it was something like a rabasi? What? Wasabi???

Ok, now my two cents, er 4 cents, on this kid thing. Well, i have no kids and I'm scared about when I do, because like some of you have said, I am not that patient, I really like quiet time, and I don't 'get' kid games.

I was an only child, and my mom was an only parent who worked full-time and went to school. She didn't have time to play with me, and I learned to play on my own. I'm actually really glad. I read huge novels at age 6, I was creative, and learned to be much more independent and mature than most kids my age.

Everyone has a different childhood and a different style of raising kids. Don't feel guilty about it, be yourself. Your child Sunlion, can learn from you how to respect others needs and how to find activities that are a compromise. These are important lessons. If you just do everything she wants, even when you're not in the mood, wouldn't that just make her demanding and spoiled? Eh, what do I know.

I'll shut my trap now.

Whoa!! hahaha - you all have really good reasons.... mine seems really pathetically simple now...basically, there is just nothing in me that wants to have kids/be around kids. Sure babies are cute and some kids are cute, but I never have had or never do get, the urge to be around them, I would never wish any harm on any of them and I do realise they are innocent little chilrdren, I expect children to act like children.... they just don't appeal to me!
Now, I wasn't an only child, I DID play dolls and had tons of Barbies, my parents were great and always did things with us, so there really isn't any reason why I shouldn't like kids.... as I said before, they just don't appeal to me.... eh... and my name actually means "motherly"!!! hahaha!!

I understand what you are saying Dawn and Sunlion, but I cannot say I agree. I see what you are saying about you do "other" stuff with your kids like artsy craftsy stuff or whatever. But I am still of the mentality that children need all around stimulation. Doing an art project is great and taking them to the park is great, and I do all that stuff too. But it is a proven fact that children learn mostly by play and pretend. And if they aren't getting it from their parents then the parent needs to be sure they are getting it elsewhere. A child who plays independantly is great, and that is a very important quality, but they also need to know how to interact with other children and adults. And the only way they will learn that is to play and pretend with their teachers....hence the parents.

I am in no way trying to say any of you neglect your children! Gosh, I can see by the photos Dawn has posted that her kids are obviously happy. I was just trying to point out that in my opinion kids need a very large variety of activities and if a parent does not enjoy conversing with their child ( even if it means talking about something you have NO interest in ) or playing dress up or whatever, then that child is being robbed of such an important element.

By the way, I don't always do all this stuff either, but between myself, my husband and other family members ALL bases get covered every day.

debby, dont apologize, i like when threads get off track and subjects are inspired and it doesnt even matter
what the thread was initially about.

1) what is your worst habit?
Puckering up my lips when I'm upset. My boyfriend always immitates me and I can't help but laugh at myself.


2) what is your favourite time of day & why?
morning. It's when I feel fresh and energetic.

3) which celebrity are you most *drawn* to & why?
None that I can think of.


4) what kind of *artist* are you? (we all have *some* artistic ability, so you have to answer!)
I like the arts so I try a bit of everything. I'm a pianist, I love to sing, I write poetry, I love writing short stories and I sketch when I can find the time.

5) how many animals do you 'own'?

2 cats


6) coffee or tea?

Those ice blended coffees in Coffee Bean and Starbucks are my absolute fave.


7) what activity are you interested in pursuing that you have been putting off?
Continuing my martial arts class. I took up taekwando for a while. I had problems managing my time so I decided to stop for while. Never got back to it.


8) do you like kids?

Well, I think they're beautiful. And they can make you laugh and all but there are times when they seem the like most difficult age group. So, I like them so-so depending on their attitude.


9) what is your favourite movie?

I think my favourite is While You Were Sleeping. Its so cute and funny


10) what is your ideal place to live and why?

Tioman Island. Its a beautiful island here in Malaysia with white sandy beaches and clear blue water. The corals and fish are beautiful (great place for scuba divers). I would love to live there since I love the beach, I love snorkeling and I love seafood.

1) what is your worst habit?
Getting mad and arguing over stupid little things.

2) what is your favourite time of day & why?
Nighttime because I get to sleep.

3) which celebrity are you most *drawn* to & why?
I can't think of anyone at the moment.

4) what kind of *artist* are you? (we all have *some* artistic ability, so you have to answer!)
I love so sing along to songs and I like to do some crafts (if those count?)

5) how many animals do you 'own'?
2 Kitties

6) coffee or tea?
Neither, but if I had to choose then it would be coffee.

7) what activity are you interested in pursuing that you have been putting off?
Getting involved helping the homeless, helping to build a habitat for humanity home or just helping those who are less fortunate.

8) do you like kids?
Yes, and I plan to have some later in life.

9) what is your favourite movie?
Backdraft

10) what is your ideal place to live and why?
Somewhere where it doesn't snow! lol-Arizona or Texas