In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my
hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to
what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
( Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for
this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My
God!)
On a Sear's hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on my
hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to
what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
( Step 3: Fly Delta.)
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for
this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My
God!)
