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How are other kitties coping with the loss?

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Our precious Sumo passed away in August. It has been 2-1/2 months. I got another kitten three weeks after Sumo passed, at the advice of my husband who is currently stationed overseas (we're a military family), and Kuri (kitten) and Geisha (1-1/2 years old) seem to be getting along well. They tousle and play-fight and Kuri is such a spitfire (although extremely cuddly with me) that he doesn't back down from a rumble, even though Geisha is twice his weight. However, they don't sleep next to each other or cuddle up the way Sumo and Geisha used to do. I know I can't expect that, but sometimes I feel so sad because Kuri and Geisha aren't buddies the way Sumo and Geisha were.

Geisha actually seems to be doing OK without Sumo. She grooms Kuri like a little brother, and Kuri does keep her company and they play together. But I miss him so much still, and sometimes I want so much to bring him back and I know I can't. He used to follow me everywhere and was so dependent on me. He was not the most affectionate cat and did not head-butt me or cry for attention, but he was just soooo gentle, special, and a one-of-a-kind kitty. The second anyone would touch him, he would be purring, and he was so patient. I remember how I used to pick him up and lay him on my chest like a baby, and he would just purr and purr with his eyes closed and fall asleep so contentedly. He was really my baby!

Anyway, I don't know what I'm saying. I just thought I was doing pretty well, and then today Geisha was purring as I was scratching her head, and all of a sudden I started bawling. I felt so sad for her that she did not have her other half, her big brother who she used to nap with on our bed, who she used to play leapfrog with, who she used to steal toys away from. But actually I think she is doing a lot better than me.... Mostly it is me that is still hurting. I remember Sumo anyway, but sometimes when I look at Geisha, I remember him more because I feel saddened that she has also lost someone close to HER.

I just wonder how other folks' "other kitties" are coping with the loss of a member of their fur family... I know I should be counting my blessings that Geisha is coping as well as she is. I don't know if kitties from the same litter are more sensitive when their siblings are gone? (My kitties were just three months apart from completely different litters, but they used to sleep together.)
post #2 of 9
I understand fully what you are saying here. My Speedboat was best buddies with Max. Max passed in July. They would lay together with their arms around each other and they would play and tussle. They had done that for years. Max was almost twelve when he died and Speedboat is nine. But they could still act like kittens when they wanted to. Muffin was the last cat I got and he was tolerated. Now Muffin and Speedboat tolerate each other. Once in a while I see them together asleep, but not touching. Last night I was switching clothes around in the closet. I wasn't even thinking about cats. Then I found the liners that go in my husband's boots. That caused me to remember how Max would steal them out of his boots and attack them like they were another animal. I had myself a good cry then. So yes, we can be feeling fine and all of a sudden something will trigger a precious memory and it all comes rushing back. I pray you will soon feel better and that every day will be easier.
I don't think life will ever be the same. But we have to go on. Our kitties need our love and we must focus on them and let them know they are sweet and we love them dearly. God bless.
post #3 of 9
I think a cats way of missing a companion is very different than ours. I'm sure they miss their companions, or their kittens, but I don't think they continue to be sad months later.

My Mattie died over a year ago, and I was crying for her as I read about Smudge. And her sister still lays with her arms stretched fully out in front of her, with her head resting on her arms. I do not ever remember Festus doing that until Mattie was put to sleep (FIP), and that is the position Mattie was in when she died, her head just gently rested down onto her outstretched arms. So when I see Festus do that, I think fondly of Mattie.

I read a neat book called "Tear Soup", about how it takes a long time to make a good pot of tear soup, mixing in all our tears, and our good memories, and our sad memories. I think you just needed to mix up a pot of tear soup and come here to this forum to share with friends who understand. Let those tears out!
post #4 of 9
Icy went missing a few months ago, and Joey & JC moped a bit, and then they started fighting with Cindy, my other cat. But I adopted 2 kittens (actually came home from out of town, and my hubby had taken them in from being sent to the pound) & JC has really taken to them; the female, although young, behaves so much like Icy did, maybe JC recognizes that kind of personality. I know that they do react in different ways - Joey is very clingy, which is all right, except now I'm working in the office again, and Joey seems depressed. in fact, since I was working overtime all week, I took Joey & JC out to my mom's, so they don't get so frustrated. I sometimes still call for Icy, just hoping that she'll come home.
post #5 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone, for sharing. Sometimes I just want to talk about how much I still miss Sumo, but there is no one to talk to and I don't always even know how to express it. I know cats don't possess all of the emotions humans have and I am just projecting onto Geisha what I feel and what I think she should feel. I feel like we are missing a big part of our family, and I want someone else to know how I feel, but you are right, Beckiboo, cats do not remember and mourn the way we humans do. And that is a good thing, too.

I guess I just feel alone in my grief. I had this bond with Sumo that was so unique. I miss him a lot. I love Geisha and Kuri SOOOO much, but I just expected, or took for granted that Sumo would live a long and healthy life, living to a ripe old age with us. I wish I could tell Sumo how much I appreciated him and what a good boy he was. I should probably also write a story like Bugaboo or put together a scrapbook together for him.... Well, I still have his collar, so maybe I could put that in, too, or somehow make it part of the cover....

I'm sorry that all of you have experienced a loss of a beloved kitty. You are all such loving and caring people. I know that Max, Mattie, and Icy (may she come back home again) were loved very much and loved you back. Whenever I remember how little time I really had with Sumo, I then look at the kitties I have now and give them extra kisses and hugs to make sure they also know they are loved. I also talk to them all the time. I believe that cats are very perceptive and I don't know if it's just me, but I really think mine understand what I tell them, like when I ask them not to do something or explain I will give them the treats later. Or maybe, hmm, there I go again, projecting human thoughts onto them.... *sigh* All I know is that I love them, and what I learned from Sumo is not to take a single day or hour or minute for granted.
post #6 of 9
I still think about Max and have a lot of the same feelings you are expressing. Sometimes I look at my cats and ask myself how they can possibly be so happy when their brother is gone. But I am glad they aren't moping around. I try not to be mopey around them because I do believe our cats know our feelings. They pick up on it when we cry and when we are depressed. One thing I think about is I wouldn't want Max to be missing me like I miss him. Lord, if he does, he is one unhappy cat and I don't want that. The thing is, I can be fine and not even thinking about him. Then something happens to bring it all back and I have to cry some. This week I was standing on a little step stool and I was rearranging winter and summer clothes in the closet. On the top shelf I found a plastic bag with the boot liners that go inside our boots. Then I remembered how Max would steal them out of the boots when we pulled them off and left them by the door. Or he would get them out of the closet. He would play with them and attack them as if they were another cat. So I just had myself a good cry.
Don't ever feel like you are alone. You have my email address and you send me an email or a pm message everytime you feel lonely or unhappy. You know your family is on our prayer list anyway. God bless you and keep you and your two kitties. Love them up real special because they need to feel all the love that Sumo felt from you.
And God watch over your dear husband as he serves this country in the military and bring him home to you safely and SOON.
post #7 of 9
I want to get the book TEAR SOUP. I worry NOW about what will happen when one of my cats has to go to the bridge. What will the other one do?
I am in a sad mood.
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thank you Barbara, I really could relate to EVERYTHING you said! The same goes for you - you always have a friend in me, as well. I was thankful from Day 1 that I found TCS because of the loads of wonderful information I found on how to raise my new kitty and Geisha, but I did not realize that I would be so blessed by being able to share how much I loved and miss Sumo. I'm truly thankful to God for you and the other caring folks on this web site.

Bobbie, I hope that you won't be sad because of this thread, because it's just a good reminder to treasure all the moments you have with your precious babies. I have so many wonderful memories of Sumo, and even though I miss him, I feel very lucky that he was a part of our family and so blessed to have known such a gentle soul. Before Sumo, while growing up, my family had other cats, but Sumo was the first one I picked out myself as an adult (so he was really like my baby). I feel forever changed because of him. I've always been an animal lover, but I feel like loving Sumo enlarged my heart even more towards God's other (non-human) creatures. So don't feel sad or worry about what the future holds. We should be thankful for every day that we have and always, always let your kitties know just how much you love them. That's what I try to do. (And right now Kuri is standing on the desk head-butting me for attention....)
post #9 of 9
Awwww, Jeane, give Kuri some headbutts right back. Show that cat we humans know how to do that too.
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