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Hubby is Compromising!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I am sure that a lot of you recall my issues with my husband and the pets. Well I have some really good news! A couple of weeks ago on a Friday night I had a talk with him where I stayed very calm and rational (usually when I would talk about it I would get very animated, emotional, and frustrated) and told him all the issues and concerns I had about him not compromising on this issue. I know he didn't like what I had to say, he wouldn't talk to me for a full day! Usually when he is like this I really try to push his buttons to get him to talk. This time, after I was finished talking, I just left it alone. Even though he wasn't really talking to me I carried on as normal: "What do you want for dinner," "Tomorrow we need to go here and here," and so forth. Even though this tactic was extremely hard for me because it's not my typical style it worked! That following Monday, he brought the situation up and we actually made some very good process!

I know some of you were thinking it might have been a control issue; I even mentioned this when I talked with him Friday. Well, it's not. It's just a very strong aversion to animal hair, maybe even obsessive compulsive. He pointed out things he had done in the past that I never really paid attention to that showed how much he can't stand the possibility of getting animal hair on him.

Well, he has decided that he does need to compromise but it's going to take a lot of work but I don't care as long as my babies get to be out with me I'll do just about anything. Here is the solution:

The cats will be able to come out of the pet room while we are in the living room, but they can't get on the furniture or go in the kitchen. I told him it wasn't fair for them to not be able to get up on anything and I said that if he wasn't going to give on this then I wanted to get them a cat tree for the living room so they had something that they could be on. He said okay, so now we are in the process of deciding to build one or buy one. So if I want them to be on my lap I have to sit on the floor, I'm okay with that. The hard thing is going to be training them from going in the kitchen and getting on the fabric furniture. I'm going to post in the behavior forum about how I can do this. During the day while I'm at work and he is asleep the window that joins the pet room to the screened in patio is going to be open so they can go from the room to the patio. The window is low enough for them to do this. We've already started this and I can tell that just doing this that Toonces stress level is going down. She has just about stopped pulling the hair out at the base of her tail and it's starting to grow back. She seems much more relaxed when I go to pet and play with them.

Well the only issue left is the dogs. Right now with the way they are the cats wouldn't be able to enjoy being out since whenever they run the dogs start to chase them (I have tried to train them but I guess I'm just not doing it right). So we are going to enroll them in obedience school to learn commands like "stay," "no chase," and "leave it." Libby knows sit and down but she doesn't stay very well and Sam is so bull headed that teaching him has become a nightmare.

All this stuff is going to get underway as soon as I get my income tax return (which should be in the next week or two). I just thought I would share this with all of you. Sorry it's so long but you guys have really been there for me and I am so happy that things are starting to change for the better.

I have also made the cats a cat bed out of the bottom dresser drawer that is in the room. I lined it with a couple of my old T-shirts. They really seem to enjoy it. I'm also going to get a cat tree for the room but I need to get the one for the living room first.
post #2 of 14
that is fabulous news!!! I'm so happy to hear that it's all turning out right.

That has got to be an ENORMOUS load off of your shoulders.

blob o rama!!

post #3 of 14
It is quite easy to train kitties to not do thing, contrary to popular belief. Also it does take time, but you can train dogs not to chase cats, all the shepherds that have come through this house have been trained that kitties are off limits. Please feel free to email me if you need help or would like to hear the tips we use for the benefit of peace at the house. I am so glad for you that you and hubby have met at this halfway point!
post #4 of 14
SFell I just wanted to say that I completely understand where hubby is coming from. My husband David is also obsessive compulsive about animal hair. We have a lot of issues, but he tries hard not to flip out! Just the other day he called me from work to tell me he found 2 cat hairs in his lunch.........and I was like " ok, so take it off".....he didn't do that. He threw the entire lunch I made him out. Very frustrating, but I guess they are worth it ( the men I mean )!!!!!!!

Good luck ,and glad to hear you came to a compromise.
post #5 of 14
Sabra - That's great news. The kitties will be so happy to see more of you! I'm glad your husband is compromising finally. Sometimes they just need time to think things through on their own.
post #6 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much!!!!


It's amazing the weight that I felt lift off my heart and my shoulders after this!


I just might take you up on that! I still have your e-mail for secret santa so I'll be in touch soon! Thanks!


Oh my gosh, I can't believe there is somebody out there that has the same issue with their husband. He actually told me that if he ever found a hair in his food he would throw up!
post #7 of 14
I have actually witnessed my husband GAG ( and I mean really really GAG ) at the sight of a hair in his food.

Its pathetic, but very real for him.
post #8 of 14
Wow, guys! I can't imagine. Thankfully my husband grew up around animal hair and is pretty calm about picking it out of his food. (I'm not exactly June Cleaver when it comes to keeping a spotless house!)
post #9 of 14
Sabra!!! I am SO glad to hear your hubby is compromising on this!!!! It will be better for you and for the cats!!!

This is great news!!! Let us know how it all goes!!!
post #10 of 14
I am so glad you and your husband were able to compromise! It's too bad he has such a strong adversion to animal hair, I wonder what causes that?
post #11 of 14
Originally posted by dtolle
Just the other day he called me from work to tell me he found 2 cat hairs in his lunch.........and I was like " ok, so take it off".....
I couldn't stop lauging when I read that! I'm the same way. Eh, who cares? You know, when I find a hair in my food, especially when we order takeout or something, I'm very relieved to see it's my cat's hair!

My boyfriend doesn't really care either, which is probably why the only places my cats aren't allowed is the kitchen counter, the dining table, and on or in plates of food we are eating. And they still get up on the counters and table, just not usually when we are home.

Sfell, that is great that you two are working something out. If it is something that is obsessive for your husband, it's going to be really hard for him but he is already making such a big step - and for you! He must love you a lot! Good luck!
post #12 of 14
This is GREAT news! See? You can train the hubby's
post #13 of 14
See - men can be trained too! I am glad that you were able to reach a comprimise. Hopefully with time the hubby will become adjusted to the animals a little better.
post #14 of 14
I have an aversion to PEOPLE hair! I know this sounds funny, and actually, I'm not obsessive, so I find it funny too. I don't know why I have this, but I didn't when I was young.
I think it started when I grew my hair out. I had a short haircut (boyish) and my boyfriend wanted to see me with long hair so I grew it to past my shoulders. It seemed like it was ALWAYS coming out. More than anything I hate the feeling of the one hair inside a shirt, just tickling your skin! Wierd huh? What did I do? Yup, I shaved my head. Sounds extreme, but I've actually always wanted to shave my head, this just happened to be a bonus. And no, when people ask why I did it, I don't tell them I have a hair phobia. :laughing:
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