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Remidies to forget someone?

post #1 of 30
Thread Starter 
I know you could never forget someone who was special in your life..

But, i want to help my self settle down a little bit, i dont know why but the last three weeks i was fine, now when ever see its picture, hear its voice, or even seeing my kitty that misses him makes me cry!

I´m not hormonal right now, i just dont understand why all of a sudden i break down.

Any help, and hugs will be appreciated
post #2 of 30
Because everything takes time, Fran.
post #3 of 30
Very true..you will probably go in spurts of being sad, then mad and maybe even indifferent. It took me a year of crying off and on after a break up once. But just remember you have lots of friends here to talk to about it. Many hugs to you!
post #4 of 30
It sounds like you must have had a real loss of someone special to you.
There is no time frame for grief...some go throught it faster than others....and some of us recover in splurts....seeminly doing better for awhile, and then revisiting the grief.
Don`t rush yourself through it. It`s OK to be sad . Allow yourself to feel it and express it instead of trying to rush yourself through it.It only stands as proof of how mush you have truly loved.
One day you will look back and realize that things really are better than they were and that you have moved on in life.
I`m so sorry for your loss.
post #5 of 30
I'm sorry you're feeling down

Believe me, I know how hard it can be to move on after the end of a relationship. Recovery is a roller-coaster and you'll have many ups and downs. As time goes by, the downs will get less frequent and less severe. But in the mean time, give yourself time to heal.
Remember that it's ok to cry. It doesn't mean that you're not recovering. It's all part of the process. If you're having a really though time right now, cry. Go lie down in front of a good movie, wrap yourself in a warm blanket, snuggle with your kitties and cry.

When you're feeling better, put away your pictures of him if they're still in your line of view somehow. Take on some activities that you like - go for walks, go out, get involved in some sports or community classes - whatever you like to do. It will help you move on and build a new life.

And just remember, we're here for you. If you need a virtual shoulder to cry on, post here as much as you need. We'll send you lots of virtual hugs. And when you feel better, we'll be right here still... and we'll be happy with you.
post #6 of 30
Originally Posted by stampit3d
Don`t rush yourself through it. It`s OK to be sad . Allow yourself to feel it and express it instead of trying to rush yourself through it.
This is always my advice too. I'm going thru the same thing, and I keep crashing with sadness over and over again.

Originally Posted by marie-p
Recovery is a roller-coaster and you'll have many ups and downs. As time goes by, the downs will get less frequent and less severe.
And then this will happen eventually.....trust me.
post #7 of 30
When I got divorced, sometimes I missed being a couple more than I missed him specifically. I missed having someone to do things with, a warm body at night, etc.

It took a while to recover, but knowing he was totally wrong for me helped. Now I am truly happily married, and it is so different. I have never cried myself to sleep feeling lonely in this marriage. I always feel valued and loved by my currrent husband.

Someday you will have the same, Fwan. You will meet the right guy, and build a healthy relationship, because you were strong enough to end the wrong relationship. (You are smarter than me-I married Mr. Wrong!) And you will have all the things you miss, and a best friend you can count on.

Hugs to you, Fran! If you didn't live an ocean away, I would make plans to meet you this weekend and go see a movie, or have dinner!
post #8 of 30
It does take a long time. Just remember he was not good to you, Fran!
post #9 of 30
you could always get a cat In all seirousness, the others are right, its gonna take time, you didnt get those feelings in one day, and its not going to take one day to make them go away. Hugs to you!
post #10 of 30
Fran, keep your chin up girl. You were far too good for him.

And I know in time you will think less and less of him until he's barely a memory.
post #11 of 30
One thing you might try is doing for others. It will take you out of yourself, maybe give you some perspective. Sometimes you just need a break from your own thoughts, a breather, and volunteering is a great way to get that break.
post #12 of 30
Fwan, it takes time and it takes keeping your life going in a positive direction. There's no quick fixes. Just keep your life moving forward in whatever you do.
post #13 of 30
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry! Do something every day to be good to yourself. I know what it feels like to be brokenhearted (whether you leave or vice versa). Personally, I think journaling, reading, and watching movies with a nice tub of buttery popcorn (once in a while is OK!) are a great coping mechanism and temporary escape! My favorite "escape" books are the Chronicles of Narnia series.... Talk about engrossing and uplifting! After my divorce from my first husband, I read these books every night. I could not put them down, and they made me forget some of my own worries.

Laughter is very healing, so seeing a funny movie with your girlfriends (even though you might not feel like it) might just make you laugh your head off and realize you're in need of some fun times again. Also, movies that are very hopeful are great. I love "Cast Away" - it was sad sometimes, but it made me cry, laugh, and look forward to the future. Another of my favorite movies is "Sliding Doors" - perfect for a time when you're wondering about a decision you've made - I know it's just a movie, but I love how it gets the point across that everything happens as it should, and there's a reason for everything. I have watched it soooo many times and still love it!!!! (That, and "Next Stop Wonderland"!! For the hopeful romantic in all of us!)

Now I am happily married to my current husband and I'm so happy for everything that happened in the past - without those experiences, I would not have learned what I did, would not be the person that my husband fell in love with, would not be able to appreciate all that *the future* and God had prepared for me. And you have something wonderful in your future, so take as long as you need to let go, but remember that there is so much more in your future than the temporary sadness you feel right now.

Many, many hugs!!!!! I would so take you out for a girls' night if I could!


This is a nice web site to check out, as well....
post #14 of 30
It sucks breaking up. It does take time though, fwan! You'll be fine!
post #15 of 30
When you figure it out PLEASE ... let me know
post #16 of 30
Hey Fran, I totally understand what you're going through. Let me tell you a couple of things that have been really helpful for me over the past month...

When you start to think of all the things you miss about him, change your thought pattern and start thinking of all the awesome things about you that he's going to have a near impossible time EVER finding again! Give yourself some of the power, even if you're the only one who knows you have it, instead of giving it all to him. For instance with Brendan, when I start missing him I try to change that thought to something like: "Well at least I know he's not going to find someone who can put up with his whining and complaining like I did!" This really does make me feel that little bit better.

Also, if you have pictures of him, photo albums, keepsakes he gave you, or anything you can readily remove and don't need on a regular basis...pack it away for now. It doesn't help to have it staring you down all the time, so just pack it away. You can always take it out again (if you even want to)when you're ready.

If he's got a screen name or anything, make sure you take it off your buddy list. There's nothing worse than compulsively checking his away messages or something like that because it always makes you feel worse.

If you're willing to read something, I have a GREAT book recommendation for you. It's funny and gives great advice at the same time. I'm in the middle of a self-help project for school and it involved me reading 3 self-help books that pertain to something I actually need help with, so of course I chose dealing with the end of relationships, and this book really had me laughing and made me feel a lot better. The title is: It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken, and it's by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. I don't know if you can easily find books in English over there, but you could always order it online if you were interested.

And just make sure you have some people, including us, that you can spill your guts to. That's a really important part.
post #17 of 30
it is so hard - but every time something like this happens we come out of it stronger and having learned something. Others have given good advice, I think, but we are all here for you any time you need someone. And one day, probably when you least expect it, there will be another, and much better relationship waiting for you.
post #18 of 30
Ending a relationship, even a bad one, is a huge upheaval in your life. Everything changes, and it will take some time to get used to the big change. Take this time to be totally self absorbed, and make your life about you. Do stuff you like, go places you like to go, and don't worry about anyone you don't have to. You have been through the wringer, and you deserve some time to yourself.
post #19 of 30
Fran, like everyone else has alrady said, it'll take time. Even after a lot of time passes, you will probably never forget Ben 100%.
I broke up with my abusive ex-boyfriend over 3 years ago, but every once in a while I'll see something that'll remind me of our happier days and I'll get choked up.

Here's a quote I read recently, "Grief is one of the range of emotions that makes us human. It is good to feel, no matter what the emotion, for it connects us to our humanity. Don't deny yourself the gift of grief." (Beverly Engel)

You are still grieving a loss- don't deny yourself of that. You'll get through this, that I promise :hugs. Some days are just much, much harder than others.
post #20 of 30
This is still all very new to you, so of course you are still grieving. And of course, as Amy says, you won't ever forget Ben 100%, nor should you. If, though, after a period of time, you feel you have not made enough progress in building your own life or think you might need help figuring out how to make better choices, you might want to consider talking with a therapist. But for now, it's going to hurt for a while.

I found these sites that might contain some helpful suggestions.
post #21 of 30
Grieving is such a hard thing to go through! I try to take one day off, and just "get it all out", I look at the pictures, write down the things I'll miss, the happy memories, and I make sure that I keep plenty of light snacks on hand. After that day, I listen to music, read books, and everytime I start to feel bad, I offer myself a treat, such as splurging on a long drive, spending extra time on TCS, etc.
I hope that you feel better soon - remember that your future special somebody is praying for Heaven to send you along!
post #22 of 30
You don't want to forget him completely. Forget the relationship, but don't forget him.

You'll need to go through a period of grieving ---- grieving over the relationship itself is probably the hardest thing. I know the man himself was bad to you, bad *for* you, and THAT my dear is what you gotta remember!

Don't forget all the bad stuff; don't stash the bad stuff off to the side and pine away over all the good stuff. If you do that; you'll only be standing in stagnant water for quite a while, mourning something that isn't worth standing still for.

In giving yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship itself (no matter how it ended; badly, on good terms, friendship, etc.), give YOU some pampering time. Take care of yourself! Get out there and DO STUFF. Have fun! Get out & party, make time with & for friends. Spoil yourself & learn to love yourself again.

If you have pictures of him or momentos; either burn them, throw them away, or hide them in a real far-off spot. It's in the act of getting rid of these physical things, that you actually get rid of the emotional stuff, too.

It will take a little time to get your mindset right... but this is time to focus on you, not him. Forgetting him means giving yourself the private time to mourn the loss of the relationship; mourn it "correctly", don't drown yourself in sorrow or get plastered & cry over old photos. Just pitch the physical stuff and purge the emotional stuff.

You're worth more than how he treated you, anyway! And you know that! Once you distance yourself from an unhealthy relationship, you will be totally wowwed as to how high you will hold yourself up. Your self esteem will soar and everyone around you will notice it!

And someday a guy who is worthy of YOU will come along. He'll treat you right; but first you gotta treat yourself right. My best remedy for getting rid of someone was doing as Amy said; grieve it properly and purge everything from your life that reminds you of him.

For me, I pretended my ex was dead. I still do. It sounds cruel but it worked.
post #23 of 30
I know how you feel yesterday I had to leave the house to basically..run away from him. He wouldn't stop trying to get ahold of me and knowing how I am I had to leave the house so that I wouldn't respond.
post #24 of 30
Fran just take it one day at a time chick and you will get there
post #25 of 30
I don't know if I could add any more comments than have already been posted.
Take care of yourself. Time is a great healer.
You are a super girl and there is a wonderful person out there for you.
post #26 of 30
Burn the photos, hide the engagement ring or sell it, get rid of all the material things. Of course there is no way you should ever part with those darling little kitties, but all the other reminders should be purged from the system. I burnt all of my ex photos (I even played darts on one of them) and it was VERY therapeutic! There are no quick fixes, but it does help! You're too special to hang up on this guy Fran - the long and the short of it is that he wasn't worth it, and you deserve so much better.
post #27 of 30
Thread Starter 
Thank you guys for your advice,

well the pictures are on the comp, and he has a pic of when he chats to me which was taken in my room and it makes me think he is still here...

I do not have the engagement ring anymore, i left them with him, i put those together and put it in the draw, the other ring you all saw with the diamons on it wasnt the engagement one, it was just a ring i wanted.

I have been chatting to a fair few guys and they all seem to want one thing, which is starting to get on my nerves! What do they think i am?

Thank you all once again for your advice and hugs!

post #28 of 30
Fran give yourself a break from seeing other men just now!.

When i split i wasn't interested in meeting anyone else and concentrated on me, and i've only just met someone now because i feel the time is right.

Your going through a grieving process at the moment and you really want time to think about yourself and start putting yourself first.
post #29 of 30
Thread Starter 
I know!
I am so not ready for another relationship, but i do want to make some friends.

After seeing kats cruise pics i so want to find a girlfriend that i can go on one with next year
post #30 of 30
I know what you mean about friends. I grew up with brothers and after I was adult, and single, I think that I dated the wrong men because I was missing my brothers. then I got a job in a great dinnerhouse restaurant, and we had both men & women servers. Our comaderie was just awesome! Funny how we never "fished off the company pier"; we were more like brothers & sisters, but even closer. anyway, it sure helped fill the "male companionship" void in my life. There were many times that I'd rather hang out after work with my co-workers, rather than go out on a date! And the guys I dated while I worked were really great guys I still miss that job very, very much; I quit only because I injured my neck in a car accident and couldn't do the work anymore.
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