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How to Give Your Cat a Pill

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Haha! Found this one on the net!

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your
elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo
confidently, "Thats a nice kitty." Drop pill into its

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws
down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right
arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle.
(Resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly
cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of
chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand
over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the
upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head
is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what
you're doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have
a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway?
Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly,
"Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill
and ... Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those
flashing claws are causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread
towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long

13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach.
(Resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no
man-or woman.

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head.
Pressits mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals
of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds

18. Take two aspirins and lie down.

--Peggy Althoff
post #2 of 8
post #3 of 8
so true!
post #4 of 8
Good one!!!
post #5 of 8
Someone sent me that one in an email once..I love it!
post #6 of 8
Still makes me cry every time I see it - with laughter, that is!!!
post #7 of 8
How funny!!
post #8 of 8
Take two aspirins and lie down.
this last bit should read pour stiff drink then lie down
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