Confidence

If you have been reading my other posts, I was wondering if you have any suggestions? I have very little self confidence and was wondering what I can do to help myself? Have info would be greatly appreciated!!!
You guys are the best!!!

Confidence is something I was sadly lacking for a long time. Then, just when I started to develop some, I married the wrong guy and ended up worse off than before!! lol...

The way I found to really achieve self-confidence is to get to know yourself. Be selfish. I don't mean turn into a self-centered bore, I mean look after yourself. Take time for yourself. Learn what you like and don't like. Learn what you will accept and won't accept. Read books. Find your interests. It's all about YOU. The more you learn about yourself, the more you will get to know yourself, and then it naturally follows that the more you will begin to like yourself and be surer and surer of who you are and what you want from your life, the more confident you will become. You will become more independent and you will start enjoying your own company and your life more. Learn to say no. Learn to put yourself first.

This is not easy to do, but it is amazing what treating yourself the way you would treat other people can do for your self-esteem.

We deserve to look after ourselves, be kind to ourselves, and get to know ourselves.

Also, starting a journal is a great way to get to know yourself.

Along with that come things that you would like to change about yourself - once you start getting to know yourself better you can start working on those things, too. But most importantly, learning who you are, what you like and what you want out of life are the steps towards self-confidence.

From what I see, you are a caring, loving, talented compassionate person. That's a great way to be!! But perhaps you don't see that - you need to treat yourself to ALONE time, doing the things you want, when you want, putting yourself first. Then the confidence will come on it's own. Trust me!!

Thanks Sarah!!!

I used to be really lacking of confidence too when i broke up with my ex.. but i guess self confidence starts when you learn how to love yourself... go for a nice massage, go for some enriching courses if you have the cash.. if not, plant a little garden all by yourself.. go out and make some new friends... engage yourself in some things that you have always loved but never had time to do...

it takes time to build up self confidence but trust me, everybody is beautiful and you are definitely not an exception...

Very very good points!!. I try and boost my confidence by doing things that make me happy and trying not to worry what other people think. Keep a journal about your feelings and try writing a list of the wonderful qualities you possess..and ask yourself.."who am I really??" alot of times we try and project an image of who we think others would like us to be...and trying to be that person will just end up draining you emotionally.

I'm a confident person, and the only way that i can explain it is that you have to love yourself for who you are, and by telling yourself your worth a lot more.

i went to an assertifness class,helped me alot,gave me the omph to take a deep breath and say what was on my mind,and through that i became more confident

Originally Posted by boys mum

i went to an assertifness class,helped me alot,gave me the omph to take a deep breath and say what was on my mind,and through that i became more confident

Click to expand...

I think making it through our struggles helps us become more confident. The very fact that you are not crumpling in this situation is something to be proud of. An important part of self-confidence is seeing yourself as you are, good and bad, and realizing that it's OK. You have done many awesome things in your life I'm sure, and probably some bad ones. You are human.

And remember, humans are special: We are the ONLY ones in the animal kingdom that have the capability to choose to be good or destructive - we can look beyond ourselves in a very real way. Just because you'e human, at the very least, you are BLESSED! And you sound like you choose good whenever you can.

Remember...you are special, and beautiful, and you have changed the world. Just because YOU ARE.

Beth

I am very very shy and always have been well since i was about 11.

I try not to be shy but i cant help it, n i never talk infron of family like my parents aunts n things, i always think what ever i say is gonna sound stupid so i just sit still (which i hate, n i really wonna be talking with them) i cant even talk to my own cousin n we were like sisters! N that really annoys me!

But im starting Salsa dance lessons soon, which should help me to become more out going!

Firstly, LOVE YOURSELF!!!! Look in the mirror & smile & love yourself FIRST. Then everything else will fall into line.

Feel good about decisions that you make for yourself. Never second-guess things; if someone tells you you've made the wrong choice, do not listen (you can take advice from people, but let your decisions be from your own mind).

Speak your mind. Don't be afraid to "hit the ball". You'll see that when you respect yourself enough to speak your mind & stand up for yourself, you feel like you can power the whole world.

Smile, make eye contact, & keep your head up. Pat yourself on the back for something at least once a day, even if it's just how you let that person in front of you in traffic this morning.

You could also go sky-diving or bungee jumping or something really bold; conquer some type of fear. Once you conquer a fear of something (even if it's something small), your confidence will go up a ton!

Realize that what ever it is that is making you self-conscious really isn't that bad and people probably don't even notice or think about it. I think a lot of people who lack self confidence often feel like everyone is always judging them. People are usually not judging you, they're too busy thinking of their selves and their own lives. They don't look at you and think things like "wow, her hair is a mess!"

Lose weight. I'm not saying you need to lose weight, but I heard that if a woman loses weight, her confidence level soars, even if she only lost a few pounds. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and makes you feel good about your body even if it's not perfect.

Understand how insignificant other people's opinions are. All that matters are your friends and family--the people that know and love you. What's the worst thing that can happen if you say something and make a fool of yourself? What's the worst thing that can happen if someone does actually think: "wow, her hair is a mess?" It's not as bad as you may think.

People love people with confidence. They make the best friends and the best significant others. I have a couple friends that are shy and it can get draining at times. I always feel like it's my responsibility to make sure they're okay in every situation we're together. Know how frustrating it must be for your friends who see you as such a wonderful person with so much to offer!

Realize that you owe it to yourself to be comfortable in your own skin. I know it's hard to feel confident when no one tells you how wonderful you are, but you know deep down that it's true. You don't need anyone to tell you (and quite frankly, it gets old). You really have to love yourself. Imagine that you're having an out of body experience and look at yourself. Isn't that sad? That beautiful girl afraid to show the world how much she has to offer! Give her a hug and explain to her why she doesn't need to be afraid!

Thank you all!!! Great Advice!!!

I would say that confidence and self esteem are separate issues although they may relate. Confidence can be taught. Confidence comes mainly from training and experience. Self Esteem is a separate issue.

Sometimes a person may have very low self-esteem but they may have a lot of confidence in things such as public speaking or voicing their opinions with confidence and with great persuasion. Alternatively a person with great self esteem may not have the confidence to do certain work or actions.

Originally Posted by Purr

Understand how insignificant other people's opinions are. All that matters are your friends and family--the people that know and love you. What's the worst thing that can happen if you say something and make a fool of yourself? What's the worst thing that can happen if someone does actually think: "wow, her hair is a mess?" It's not as bad as you may think.

Click to expand...

Loved the message by Purr!!! I would also like to add to this that when it comes down to it, your own opinion of yourself must matter most of all!

I always thought my "future husband" would help me build my self-esteem, by telling me I was beautiful and making me feel special, etc., but until I met my actual husband, I never knew that my confidence had to come from within, 100% from me. Of course, he does make me feel beautiful and loved, etc., but I have gained so much self-esteem and confidence (and I do think they go hand-in-hand) from realizing that my opinions about myself are what truly matters. In the beginning, I always used to ask my husband what hairstyle he wanted me to have and what he would like to see me wear, and he would never play along. He was bluntly honest and told me that if I was happy with myself, then he would be happy, too, but until I was happy with myself, nothing he said or did would be able to help me have the self-confidence I needed. It took me a while to "get" that, but once I did, it was very freeing.

I agree with the other posts, too. Take time for yourself and figure out what you enjoy doing. Take up some hobbies you've forgotten about, or learn something you've always wanted to learn. It IS about you, because you make your own happiness. A spouse, friends, your family, can love you and make you feel blessed, thankful, comforted, etc., but confidence is about knowing that YOU count, no matter what ANYONE thinks! (And not in a callous way, of course - it is about balancing concern for others with respecting yourself as well.)

PS- Some examples of things I recently did, just for me! - got my navel pierced, learned how to knit, took a hip-hop class! My husband thought it was silly to take a class to learn hip-hop, but I've learned to laugh it off and tell him to shut up!! We actually have a much healthier relationship now that I've learned to let things roll off my back, and now NOTHING he says bothers me (and he knows how to get my goat if he wants to, too!).... Just gotta remember to have fun every now and then... You build your inner confidence because you just stop listening to the world and do what makes you happy!....

Try this: get a journal (or just a notebook) and every single day write down at LEAST three things that you like about yourself. Every day they have to be different things and not only physical things, but anything that you like or love. Don't focus on the negatives, only the positives. Encourage yourself to think of new things everyday and you will learn to love yourself more. Sometimes we all just forget how great we really are!