- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #21
Oh my, have I really let this go today? Tsk, tsk, old boy, slacking on the job. I think I had one too many fishbowls last night, and that last one definitely needed the water changed. Wurgh.
If I can steady my poor abused eyesight long enough to tell whether I'm looking at a grocery list or the letters for the day, I will try my paw at answering...
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Dear Wawa,
Ah, well. I can't be right all the time...
(But I can pretend to be!)
Yours,
Lucifer
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Dear Patchescat,
I have a few methods you can try.
First, you can attempt to find the most disgusting thing possible, and then, when you do, roll in it. And not just roll in it, but make sure every possible square millimeter of you is covered in stench. I promise you that nobody will want to be around you... except perhaps the dog, who may then attempt to roll on you.
If your house is kept spic-and-span and you simply aren't allowed outdoors, then play up the sympathy routine and call desperately for Mother or Father and have them take your sister with them to another room for cuddles while you explore. Don't always expect this to work, though.
Should both of these tactics fail, try to embarrass her with your behavior whenever you're seen in public with her. Pass horrible gas and blame it on her. Act like you're high on The Nip. Meow at inanimate objects. No younger sibling likes to be associated with that kind of thing.
If all of the above do not work, you have two remaining options that I know of:
a) Ask Mother or Father to buy you some sort of human device to let you have your alone time; some sort of hallway-blocking fence perhaps.
b) Just sigh and get used to it like all older children eventually do, haha.
(Should none of this work, I'm afraid you'll have to ask the fine humans in the Behavior section to help you out. As an only child, my knowledge only goes so far.)
Yours,
Lucifer
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My thanks go to Shenandoah and Humble for their compliments and sweetness, and if I could ask the males to remember to check out Pixel as a potential ladyfriend, that would do fine. And, as will be custom in this column for Thursdays, please remember all those good cats and kits who have gone to the Bridge this week.
I'm headed for a catnap, now. Keep those letters coming!
If I can steady my poor abused eyesight long enough to tell whether I'm looking at a grocery list or the letters for the day, I will try my paw at answering...
------------------------------
Dear Wawa,
Ah, well. I can't be right all the time...
(But I can pretend to be!)
Yours,
Lucifer
------------------------------
Dear Patchescat,
I have a few methods you can try.
First, you can attempt to find the most disgusting thing possible, and then, when you do, roll in it. And not just roll in it, but make sure every possible square millimeter of you is covered in stench. I promise you that nobody will want to be around you... except perhaps the dog, who may then attempt to roll on you.
If your house is kept spic-and-span and you simply aren't allowed outdoors, then play up the sympathy routine and call desperately for Mother or Father and have them take your sister with them to another room for cuddles while you explore. Don't always expect this to work, though.
Should both of these tactics fail, try to embarrass her with your behavior whenever you're seen in public with her. Pass horrible gas and blame it on her. Act like you're high on The Nip. Meow at inanimate objects. No younger sibling likes to be associated with that kind of thing.
If all of the above do not work, you have two remaining options that I know of:
a) Ask Mother or Father to buy you some sort of human device to let you have your alone time; some sort of hallway-blocking fence perhaps.
b) Just sigh and get used to it like all older children eventually do, haha.
(Should none of this work, I'm afraid you'll have to ask the fine humans in the Behavior section to help you out. As an only child, my knowledge only goes so far.)
Yours,
Lucifer
------------------------
My thanks go to Shenandoah and Humble for their compliments and sweetness, and if I could ask the males to remember to check out Pixel as a potential ladyfriend, that would do fine. And, as will be custom in this column for Thursdays, please remember all those good cats and kits who have gone to the Bridge this week.
I'm headed for a catnap, now. Keep those letters coming!
