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Really difficult situation I just need to talk about.

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
This is about my only friends cat Tuxedo. Basically what I know is that his cat is not that healthy. Tuxedo is a black cat about 8 or 9 years old I think, and im pretty sure he's neutered. I have known my friend for about 5 years now and he has always had problems with money and stuff he only lives with his mom and they have lived in horrible houses most of there lives, like cockroach infested and fleas and mold. They now try to at least pick up after themselves, and there house is now cockroach,mold, and flea free! Well I have noticed over the years there cat has become sicker and sicker. See in the past year and a half they had 2 stray cats with him that were flea infested, and never had a vet checkup,bath, or been brushed. They are now gone and at a proper home and well. But Tuxedo is still in the same house, my friends. Now my friend loves his cat alot and hes really attatched to him, but my friend is not that responcible in that he never takes the cat to the vet or brushes it or gives it a bath. One time he had fleas and they put a flea collar on him and spread fleapowder all over the house, but never gave him a bath? Well anyway his litterbox is filled with diarrea, the cat vomits alot, it looks like mucus and brown chunks almost like #2, it has matted fur, long overcurved nails, and dental problems like bad tartar. I think it has breathing problems too it wheezes alot. My mom who used to work in an animal shelter offered him a discount on vet visits and a free bath because we knew about the money situation, well him and his mom never took the cat in and lost the discount paper somewhere. Now they DO have enough money to bring him to the vet, but its not on the top of there "priority list." my friend just doesnt realize he must go in, even though I have hinted to him nicely many times, and his grandmother who visits sometimes, has agreed with me, but she is too old to drive or help out. Someone once told me to report him. Now since im his only friend who knows about proper animal care I know if I secretly reported the situation he would know it's me, and due to the fact he's my only friend and he is going through a stressful situation as well, it would be bad for the both of us I think. If they were willing to take the cat in I would be glad to go with them and help out, but they would probably think the vet bill is overpriced and not take the cat in. I will ask on that but im telling you I doubt it will happen. I asked to give the cat a bath and his mom got mad at me? So any NICE ideas?
post #2 of 29
Hi Keith,
Very sad to hear about your friend's problems and the poor environment of Tuxedo. "NICE" would be to do what you have already done...offer for some low-cost vet. care. I know you don't want to anger your friend but there it sounds like there is a life at stake here; this cat, Tuxedo, really sounds like it is in poor shape.

Personally, I would make an anonymous call to your local humane society and hopefully they can either help the cat at his existing home or remove the cat from his existing home.

May sound harsh but I don't see any other choice here.
post #3 of 29
The totally innocent one here is the poor kitty....and he can not take himself to the vet.
I know the situation is "sticky" with your friendship...but it sounds to me like this cat needed to see a vet a looooong time ago.
I don`t know how you are going to handle it, and I hope you don`t lose your friendship, but you have to find a way to get this kitty some help.
Ask yourself how you are going to feel if and when this kitty dies. It sounds as if has lived a pretty miserable existance already.
If you just can`t "do it" yourself...then you need to find a way for someone else to observe the problem and report it for you. (Someone who will feel no "love-loss" if the owners never speak to them again.
I`m sorry that I have no clear cut answers as to how to go about it....but this cat NEEDS YOUR HELP!
Please keep us posted, will you?
Linda
post #4 of 29
Well....first i want to say i am sorry that you have to go through this...and especially that sweet tuxedo has to go through it as well.......

My suggestion would have been to report him, but i understand the delicate situation this poses.....

I have an idea, but its kinda minipulative and underhanded, but i garuntee it will get the kit to the vet......

Talk to your mom to see if she will go along with this...since she has a history of working with animals.....

Tell your friend that you want to give him the warning that your mom will be reporting him if he doesnt get the cat proper care...that way he either takes the kit to the vet...or you can guilt free report him......and your friendship wont be effected because he thinks you are on his side..........I know it sounds cruel, but this is obvioulsy killing you...and its litterally killing the kit....

My other suggestion would be you or your mom pulling out your own wallet and paying for this cats care..........

I know both these options are really hard....but they are the only two I have...

good luck..i hope the poor kit gets to the vet....I am glad that you care so much....
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
Ok let me give you more details now. My friend did have his license but he recently got into a car accident, he is ok. But right now he cant drive and he works part time now. If I could donate money to him I would have already but I dont have much and the money I do have goes to the stray cats. I did donate a few toys, catnip, and treats to tuxedo though, along with flea shampoo and a cat scratcher. They have used everything but the cat scrather and shampoo, apparently tuxedo wont use the cat scratcher, I watched him for 4 hours he wil not use it? I know someone who could have said something aboyut tuxedo but even if my friend never talks to him agian, he squeals alot and will say it was my idea, he cant lie to my friends face he has tried but cant keep a secret for long. If i call the humane society they will most likely go to his house immedietly, but then again my friend will know it was me that called. My mom no longer works in the animal shelter she got a better paying job now. If there was just some way to convince him, I know he has to pay for his car and all. If he brought his cat in JUST for a bath, you think the vet's would pick up the cats sick and report the situation? Either that or they will say "your cat needs to have an exam" and my friends mom will be like "no thanks he doesnt need one.", and never go back again. That's my idea right now just go in for a bath or a nail clipping, and take it from there.
post #6 of 29
can i ask a question.....and i mean no offence by this...i have been n your situation before twice...and i myself chose the cat....but i can't know what you would be going through in this situation......

but let me ask.....

is your friendship worth the death of this cat...???

I asked my self this exact question....

I wish you all the luck in the world this is an awful situation for you, and this poor sick kit.....I hope you do the right thing and i hope this kit gets the care he needs
post #7 of 29
Thread Starter 
The cat is old do you think if they take it away it will go up for adoption at such and old age and bad health?
post #8 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by keith p
The cat is old do you think if they take it away it will go up for adoption at such and old age and bad health?
Well they will give him medical care first, they wont adopt out sick cats........

and there are a lot of people who adopt older cats, and contrary to what your idea of old it...8 is not old at all
post #9 of 29
Poor cat, if you don't get the help for him he will just die. It is more than apparent that you are the only one who cares. Now just do something about it.
post #10 of 29
Thread Starter 
I just thought of something! A few years ago my friend and I were alone at his house and his cat had this huge mat of hair! I told my friend your poor cat must be in so much pain can I have a scizor to cut off the mat? He gladly gave me the scizor and I cut it off, then brushed his cat. Now either he knows nothing about cat care, or it's his mom that's not allowing him to bring the cat in. I honestly dont feel comfortable around his mom she has a very bad temper, she kicked me out of his house one time and I had to call my mom to pick me up! My friend wanted to move and get his own apartment,hes almost 21. I dont know if he was going to bring his cat with, or make his mom keep him? But my idea was if he moves into his own house with the cat, I know I can help take care of his cat. He will allow me to give his cat a bath, I can pick up a nail clipper and he can hold his cat while i cut the nails, I can mabye donate food or a new cat bowl, and who knows if his mom isnt there he may change his mind and bring tuxedo to the vet. ( my friend doesnt get along with his mom either they have serious problems when their together and he has been saying he wants to move out ASAP) They have had counseling so that's a red flag theres a serious problem going on and mabye its not my friends fault.

Mabye this is the answer I have been looking for?! I will keep you posted and im asking him about moving I hope he will move it will be better for him and the cat, and me I wont have to feel nervous when im over his house then.
post #11 of 29
Do you know how long it will take him to move out???

I only ask this because the state of tuxedo is serious....
post #12 of 29
Thread Starter 
Well if he decides to probably starting in November.
post #13 of 29
I understand that you don't want to lose your friendship, but one thing I have learned over the years is that a real and true friend is one who will tell you when you have a booger showing. Now, it's not always easy and it's always embarassing but your friend has more than a booger because what you have described is a sick kitty.

Why not print out this thread, and take it to your friend. Let him read it, and that way he will see how you are agonizing over what you know is the right thing to be done. He will also get a chance to see that other people agree with your position. If after reading this post he still doesn't want to do the right thing, then it is up to you to do the right thing and report him for failure to care for his kitty.

Where I live there is a program available through Animal Control where you can have your pet seen by a Veterinarian at a low cost. They charge less than a private practice, but the Vets are all licensed. I have pasted a link below and some phone numbers for you to call for information.

http://www.lovethatcat.com/stny.html

For cats in New York, listed below are low cost or free spay and neuter programs, plus local information sources who may be able to tell you about other programs. Some programs serve only low income people, but most are open to all, regardless of income. Some work only with pet cats, or only feral (untame) cats, but other programs work with both pets and ferals. We believe the listings here are correct at this writing, but call the programs to be sure.

If you don't find a relevant listing for your area, don't give up. First, call Spay/USA and Friends of Animals (see Nationwide), who have programs for discount spay/neuter services in many towns across the country. Also, call humane societies, SPCAs, and cat rescue groups in your area.

NEW YORK...Low cost or free spay/neuter programs:

Pet Pal Mobile Spay/Neuter Clinic
Schenectady County NY
518-374-3944
www.animalprotective.org
For pets of county residents with financial needs.

Statewide: New York State
Pet Population Control Program
Dept of Agriculture & Markets
Division of Animal Industry
1 Winners Circle
Albany, NY 12205
518-457-3502
Thanks to pet friendly car license plate sales, spay/neuter surgery costs about $30 and vaccinations cost up to $10 each -- from veterinarians participating in the state's program. Contact DOAM office for the most recent listing of participating vets.

New York...arranged by area code

Bide-A-Wee
410 E. 38th Street
New York, NY 10016
212-532-5884

ASPCA
Bergh Memorial Animal Hospital
424 East 92nd Street
New York, NY
212-876-7700 ext 4200
Low cost spay/neuter and low cost rabies vaccinations.

ASPCA Care-A-Van
212-876-7700 ext 4303
Mobile van goes to low income neighborhoods and provides free spay/neuter and vaccinations. Suggested donation $25. Call for the van schedule and to make an appointment.

Have-A-Heart Spay and Neuter Clinic
Fund for Animals
355 West 52nd Street
New York, NY 10019
212-977-6877 for appointments
Low cost spay/neuter for all.

Feral Cat Friends
PO Box 236
Weedsport, NY 13166
315-252-2406 Call 6 pm to 8 pm only
Email adadma@baldcom.net

Central New York SPCA
5878 East Molloy Road
Syracuse, NY 13211
315-454-4479

Pet Outreach Inc.
PO Box 312
Syracuse, NY 13211
315-469-6569 or
315-478-6900
petoutreach@cs.com email

Wayne County Humane Society
Lyons NY
315-946-3389

Laura Gay Senk, DVM
Farmingdale NY
516-626-3090
www.myvetonline.com/drsenk
Low cost s/n and veterinary care for feral and stray cats.

Bide-A-Wee
3300 Beltagh Avenue
Wantagh, NY 11793
516-785-4687

Spay Today Inc.
300 Horseblock Road
Brookhaven, NY 11719
516-286-4965
Low cost spay/neuter for all pets, strays, and ferals.

SPCA of Nassau County
516-794-0831

New York State
Pet Population Control Program
Dept of Agriculture & Markets
Division of Animal Industry
1 Winners Circle
Albany, NY 12205
518-457-3502

Adirondack Humane Society
PO Box 1704
Plattsburgh, NY 12901
518-561-7876
Low cost spay/neuter for pets of low income people.

Animalkind Inc
PO Box 902
Hudson NY 12534
518-943-7654

Columbia-Greene Humane Society
Hudson, NY, Columbia County 518-828-6044
Athens, NY, Greene County 518-945-1286
Low cost spay/neuter and vaccinations.

Greene Animal Welfare Alliance
PO Box 209
Athens, NY 12015
518-945-3218
Spay/neuter discounts for all pets.

Humane Society of Rochester & Monroe County
Fairport, NY
585-223-1333 ext 36
Low cost spay/neuter for pets of qualified low income people.

SPCA of Tompkins County
Ithaca, NY 14850
607-257-1822
Discounted spay/neuter program for qualifed low income.

Project Paw
Binhamton NY
607-724-2241

Finger Lakes Humane Society
Bath NY
607-776-3039

Animal Care Council S/N Program
Endicott NY
607-786-7729

Bide-A-Wee
188 Old Country Road
Westhampton, NY 11977
631-325-0280

Little Shelter Animal Rescue
33 Warner Road
Huntington, NY 11743
631-368-8770
Low cost spay/neuter van visits twice a month.

Suffolk County SPCA
145 Pigeon Hill Road
Huntington Station, NY 11746
631-549-SPCA
Free spay/neuter for feral cats.

League for Animal Protection
631-757-4517

Island Rescue
Bay Shore NY
631-968-8700

Erie County Spay and Neuter Assistance Program Buffalo NY area
716-652-1359 or 716-821-1827

Animal Birth Control Society of Western NY
Buffalo NY
716-873-4500
Provides discount certificates for pets of low income residents. Call for information.

Muffin's Pet Connection
9728 3rd Avenue
Box 125
Brooklyn, NY 11209
718-833-7988
www.muffins.org
Gives certificates for low cost spay/neuter at over 60 participating veterinarians In New York City and Westchester and Long Island.


S.A.V.E.S., Inc.
PO Box 453
Greenport, NY 11944
Email: jacqueline@igc.apc.org
Serves the North Fork of Long Island only. For feral cats, low cost spay/neuter and vaccination certificates, plus twice yearly free spay/neuter clinics for ferals.

Animal Emergency Fund
Saugerties NY
845-247-6211
For residents of Ulster County, sponsors low cost s/n including feral cats.

Furever Animals Inc.
Montgomery NY
845-457-8147

The Animal Rights Alliance Inc PO Box 346
Westbrookville NY 12785
845-754-7100
Mobile van s-n clinic operates one day a week in Orange, Ulster, and Sullivan counties.

Animal Welfare League
White Plains, NY
914-948-2094
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the information. It's not really the money issue just getting the owner to take the cat to the vet.
post #15 of 29
That is why I suggest you talk directly to him...the booger thing was just my way of saying that a real friend will always tell you the tough stuff, even when it may be embarassing or hard to take. Please talk to your friend, if you can't or are afraid, at least show him this thread. Sometimes it's tough to do the right thing, but you always feel better after.

Put the health of your friend's kitty ahead of your own feelings and do what is right, even if that means reporting him for neglect. OK, stepping down off my soap box for now.
post #16 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by lakeriedog
That is why I suggest you talk directly to him...the booger thing was just my way of saying that a real friend will always tell you the tough stuff, even when it may be embarassing or hard to take. Please talk to your friend, if you can't or are afraid, at least show him this thread. Sometimes it's tough to do the right thing, but you always feel better after.

Put the health of your friend's kitty ahead of your own feelings and do what is right, even if that means reporting him for neglect. OK, stepping down off my soap box for now.


I back this advice 100%....

tough decisions are a big part of life
post #17 of 29
My advice - Take the cat.

If you can take the cat and take it to the vet yourself - Your friend may be angry at first but if you get that cat the help it needs then he can only thank you for it later.

Sometimes people need intervention to get help for drug abuse etc, well this time its cat intervention. Just get the cat and do what needs to be done! I feel for you, and hope you can get through this horrible situation.

Good luck with whatever you decide and please keep us updated on the situation.

P.S - When I say take the cat, I mean so you can get it help and then obviously give it back once it is better!!!
post #18 of 29
I think if your friend really loves the cat, you should tell him you think it is going to die, if he doesn't take it in. Reason didn't work, drastic words are neccessary for the cat's lif to be saved. If he really loves the cat he should be grateful that you told him it was sick. Confucius once said "To love something is to want it to live."
post #19 of 29
Thread Starter 
I was thinking that but how will I prove it to him? And even of he wants to take it in he cant drive right now, and his mom works most of the day and comes home when the vets are shut. If I can somehow find info on the matching symptoms of his cat and print it out mabye that will help I have never tried that yet. If he knows how serious it is by reading mabye that will make the incentive of bringing the cat in much greater. Plus he is a volunteer EMT so if I get the technical stuff printed out he will understand what it means, and any animal terms he does not I can help with he knows I love animals. Thank you so much for the idea but now I need help finding info on the symptoms. Can someone do a little reasearch for me to speed the process up its late here right now.
post #20 of 29
Thread Starter 
Nevermind I found the info I needed. I printed out diseases that cats can give to people and how to prevent them, along with diseases that match Tuxedo's symptoms. Next time I see my friend he will get to read it all.
post #21 of 29
Keith, I'm new here and I probably shouldn't take it upon myself to be this forceful, but I'm just going to say what I think:

DON'T WASTE ANY MORE TIME TRYING TO BE NICE ABOUT IT.

JUST TAKE THAT POOR CAT TO THE VET,
AND DO IT TODAY!


It's a hard thing to do when you're very young, but I promise you, you will never regret doing what's RIGHT... regardless of the consequences.

You're thinking of the cat as the PROPERTY of your friend and his mother -- but the cat is a living being who feels emotions, who suffers pain, who has a will to live! YOUR HUMANE RESPONSIBILITY TO THE CAT HAS TO SUPERSEDE YOUR RESPECT FOR THEIR "PROPERTY RIGHTS."

Don't worry about the money -- you will surely be able to find a vet who will allow you and/or your friend to pay the bill in installments, or who might even take care of the cat for free. If no vet will help, take the cat to a NO-KILL animal shelter and ask to talk to the biggest cat-lover on the staff. Even a pet store may have someone on staff who would care enough to find you some help.

I guarantee that your town is full of people who would be more than happy to provide for this cat's care -- all you have to do is find one of them.

But DO IT NOW. This cat could die any day! I understand that your friend has good intentions, but through their ignorance, he and his mother are condemning this poor cat to a slow and miserable death. You know it, and you know it's wrong.

DO THE RIGHT THING!
post #22 of 29
Wait this guy is an EMT? Isn't that an Emergency Medical something or other? And he cannot see that his cat is sick and suffering? What a complete moron, how old is this guy? Can't he stand up to his mom and take his own cat to the vet himself? If he has a job, then he has some money now. Man people make me sick, what is wrong with people? Why don't you pick him up one day and take him and his cat to the vet to get checked out? You could show up there one day when he is home and his mom isn't and clip the cats claws and groom him. Please help this poor animal and save him from stupid, irresponsible humans that cannot care for him.
post #23 of 29
Thread Starter 
I talked to him and explained to him about his cat. He told me (and I never knew this) but last year he did in fact take his cat to the vet to treat a urinary tract infection! So thats good at least, and he also took the time to read all my information on cat health issues. I found out why his vomit was brown, he ate a few brown feathers and part of a plastic black bag,which made his vomit brown. I hope no bag is still in his digestive system, but at least I know my friend is more aware of his cat then i thought he was. He also said if I get a clipper we can clip his nails, and he also said if his cat does not stop throwing up (he has inproved though), then we can take him to the vet together. Right now he's paying for his car to get it fixed so he can get to work, but after that he will have some money. So thats the update for now it's a slight improvement.
post #24 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia
Keith, I'm new here and I probably shouldn't take it upon myself to be this forceful, but I'm just going to say what I think:

DON'T WASTE ANY MORE TIME TRYING TO BE NICE ABOUT IT.

JUST TAKE THAT POOR CAT TO THE VET,
AND DO IT TODAY!


It's a hard thing to do when you're very young, but I promise you, you will never regret doing what's RIGHT... regardless of the consequences.

You're thinking of the cat as the PROPERTY of your friend and his mother -- but the cat is a living being who feels emotions, who suffers pain, who has a will to live! YOUR HUMANE RESPONSIBILITY TO THE CAT HAS TO SUPERSEDE YOUR RESPECT FOR THEIR "PROPERTY RIGHTS."

Don't worry about the money -- you will surely be able to find a vet who will allow you and/or your friend to pay the bill in installments, or who might even take care of the cat for free. If no vet will help, take the cat to a NO-KILL animal shelter and ask to talk to the biggest cat-lover on the staff. Even a pet store may have someone on staff who would care enough to find you some help.

I guarantee that your town is full of people who would be more than happy to provide for this cat's care -- all you have to do is find one of them.

But DO IT NOW. This cat could die any day! I understand that your friend has good intentions, but through their ignorance, he and his mother are condemning this poor cat to a slow and miserable death. You know it, and you know it's wrong.

DO THE RIGHT THING!
i agree !!!!carol petunia,

keith so the last post on this thread was 29.10.05
is there no more news on this situation or has this cat been to a vet yet????.
if your friend has money to get his car fixed then he can afford to get his cat to a vet.a consultation at a private vet in u.k is £11.00 min but no more than £15.00 .i bet your friend spends more than that on booze in two nights.

keith if your friend is really your friend why didn't you find out all the facts before???
do you really care about animals??if so why bother about a friendship that even you cannot be bothered to find out all the facts!!
did you make this up as you went along??????????????
post #25 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen
Wait this guy is an EMT? Isn't that an Emergency Medical something or other?
An EMT is an Emergency Medical Technician who rides in an ambulance and administers first aid to people on the way to the hospital. It doesn't make sense... If this guy can't even take care of his poor sick cat, how in the world can he deal with potential life threatening situations????????? IMO, this poor kitty needs to be removed from that horrible home and given proper veterinary care as soon as possible!!!!!!
post #26 of 29
Thread Starter 
You know furryferals, I dont like your attitude one bit towards me or my friend that you just said in your post. How dare you say he spends his money on booze, first of all you are completely innacurate about that, and second stop assuming that you know it all. Yes I do care about animals, and no I did not make this up along the way. The reason the facts were messed up is one, my friend never bothered to tell me he took his cat to the vet, meaning he really never talks about what he does with his cat, when im over he spends time with me, not talking about his cat. Second he has a medical condition which makes him forget something he did or was told earlier in the day. For example I was over and we watched a movie. 2 hours later I told him what a great movie it was, he said "we never watched a movie?" It's like he doesnt even remember we watcheda movie that day? I dont know what it's called, but it has something to do with his sugar level, mabye diabetic? To top it off his mom doesnt even know about it, he went to the doctor by himself and never told his mom, I dont know how she doesnt know; but she doesnt and he refuses to tell her, like I said him and her have family issues. So now the update. He is still paying for his car, he payed most of it but he still has a few more dollars to save up for. He got rid of some of the materials his cat would chew on, and his cat got a quick bath. I dont see any more throw up, so that's good. I cant force my friend to take his cat to the vet. It's his money, and it's up to him to take my advice or leave it. I offered to help out if he brings him, and that he can borrow a carrier, but to be honest I dont think he is going in. So his cat is a little better, and his house is also a little safer for the cat, no more objects to chew on. There's no more I can do unless I win the lottery and take the cat to the vet myself. Thanks for all your help everyone at least my friend improved the cats living conditions.
post #27 of 29
to be honest keith
you said it all yourself,you didnt find out all the facts,
the cats health is affected by its living conditions but as you are aware any animal that is sick or has been sick should go see a vet as soon as possible,and it must have been sick,(for you to be so worried)you said so yourself,

maybe your friend does not spend his money on drink,that was just a example,obviously his prioritys are out of order,

regarding my attitude,when an animals health is at stake and somebody asks for advice,gets that advice,and then makes excuses for not doing anything about it,then i am not exactly going to sit here and pat you on the back,
post #28 of 29
Thread Starter 
Well it shouldnt be my problem in the first place, mainly because it's not my cat. So from now on im going to but out when it comes to his problems, because when I try to help him out they never get solved, and it seems I always end up getting in trouble for trying to help him out, which isnt fair to me because in my life im responcible for myself. This isnt the first time i've tried to help him ( it was not-cat related in the previous years), and it failed. He's just in too deep now with alot of stuff but if he does need my help and asks for it, then I will always be there for him and I will help.
post #29 of 29
If your friend has such severe short-term memory problems as you describe, it's no wonder his cat is not being cared for properly... and if your friend's memory problems are due to diabetes, then he must be very severely ill indeed. I hope he's getting treatment HIMSELF.

You are correct that your friend's cat is not your LEGAL responsibility -- but I think most of us on this site feel a MORAL responsibility for ALL animals, especially those who are being abused or neglected like this one.

In your earlier posts, you expressed concern for the cat, and a number of us have been trying to help you figure out how to help the poor creature. I'm sorry you felt insulted by what some of us have said, but you have to understand -- if we knew where this cat was, I have no doubt that most of us would simply go get her and take her to the vet right NOW.

So it's difficult for us to understand your actions. You have witnessed and recognized what the cat is going through, you have felt enough concern to ask for advice, and yet you have not taken action.

I hope you'll go back and read all the replies you received... there are plenty of workable ideas in there for getting this cat taken care of, and THAT'S WHAT MATTERS.
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